A memory that created my life.

This seems to be ok, but not my cup of tea. Leaving spelling aside (not a problem) it has a feeling of conclusion, without anything happening. This is a problem if you want to make it full length. Also it is slightly imconclusive.Why did her dad hit her. It is probably good, just not my genre.

The title was interesting, but rewording is in order. Well done on the revision to your work. It still needs work on catching the readers interest. It is missing a hook. Why should the reader keep reading? Ask yourself this when you revise your work.

The opening line at the beginning of the flashback of this story was well done. It called for attention, at the same time leaving readers with questions. I was disappointed when the story didn't follow up with any explanation or further delve into why she was disciplined, or abused. This coupled with the fact that she was always sick, made me question why her father would hit his sick, eight year-old child. Also, I'm not a girl but I did research violet eyes and the only true forms of the pigmentation occurs in people with albinism. I saw the website you read it at, it's all bullshit, trust me. It wasn't a huge deal though, readers expect to suspend disbelief at times.

The dialogue of the children in the flashback was sort of amateurish, I suggest listening to 8 year old's converse with each other. It will help a lot. Also if this was an origin story, then I suggest coming up with something more powerful to connect the characters to each other. Maybe one saves another from a bully, which would fit because she's shy and vulnerable. I'm sure you could think of something better though. Also, this 'And as my head turned all the way to the left of me I say her'. No. Omit this or reword. Gave me a chuckle though. Revision is the key to a successful and engaging story.

A writer needs to know when to leave out details in the story. If it doesn't advance the story, or the characters, omit it. This was an example. 'So when I opened my eyes I looked to my right and he was there as I turned my head I saw Matt sitting in front of me, the other boy we ‘needed’ he joined our gang only a few weeks after that. And as my head turned all the way to the left of me I say her. Michel, Connor, Matt and Hailey this was our group, forever and always. As we looked at each other I knew what memory everyone thought of. Matt would have thought about the day we went and sat next to him, the day he met Connor. Connor would have been thinking the same thing. As for Michel he would have been thinking the thing I was, thinking about the day we found each other. ' The tight spacing of the names is confusing and all of the thinking is unnecessary. The reader doesn't really need to know this. One sentence would be enough. Two if necessary. Condense. Condense. Condense.

The reader doesn't know why the characters are so happy, so there's no real emotional connection. We don't share their happiness, so it was a little weird to watch the scene play out. It was an interesting cliffhanger. You execute cliffhangers well btw.

There really was no plot, no action to drive the story. The characters didn't advance the story itself. This was more like a glimpse into the characters relationship to each other. I suggest labeling this story as a prologue. It seemed like the introduction to the characters rather than a story.

I don't intend to come out as harsh as I seem. I am trying to point out things in the story that should be revised, more thought out, or otherwise redone completely. I can tell you have the concept for the story thought out. I also see that the characters are developed as people, albeit their personalities still obscure. You don't have a bad idea. Nor is the story awful, it is just uneventful. A re-thinking of the story is in order. Keep writing, I can tell you enjoy it. Writing will enjoy you too. I hope I helped.
With amor, VVV

Hello. I'm finally here to review your work.

Now, before reading anything, I think your title is too wordy, this makes it unappealing to your audience right away. Shorten it to something like "Memories" or "The Beginning"...just some suggestions...

"There was a tall lady at the front of our drama class. She was substituting for our normal teacher. I liked Miss. Skye, our normal teacher, but for the last few weeks we've had to have this stupid teacher that has a really bad habit of twirling her oily, dull brown hair around her spindly finger. When she talked it was in a crackly, annoying voice that made my ears ring by the end of the lesson. Plus she was just down right annoying."
I can't say I'm very intrigued as of yet. Talking about school and favorite teachers is not one of the best ways to capture your audiences attention. And again, I think you could very easily condense these sentences, making it easier to read. Also using words like tall, annoying, stupid, and down right are poor diction.
I would have written, "At the front of the drama classroom, stood my substitute teacher. Her lanky figure, clothed in the same old fashioned garb she'd worn since day one, and irritating habit of playing with her oily, brown hair was a disgusting image. Even listening to her shrill and high pitched voice became a strain. Miss. Skye, my regular teacher, had never been so unpleasant." But like I said, mentioning teachers just isn't a great way to begin a story unless you mention something about the teachers that is really different or odd. Curiosity and suspense is what spikes interest in a book, in this paragraph there is neither...it isn't until the end of the second paragraph do I begin to feel mildly interested.

Are we good so far? I know your still comparatively young so I don't want to dump too much on you at once, and it's not as though I hate your story (cause I honestly don't!), I just want to help you improve.

Okay, moving on.... "yapping"? How many people do you know who 'yap'?

" 'I sat down at the table by myself, with my hand against the spot where my dad had hit me -still red. I had never gone to school before even though I was already 8 years old. I was always sick so I couldn’t get out of bed; it was like something was taking my energy away from me. As I sat there kids were running all around me, laughing and smiling. A boy with light brown, almost blonde hair with kind light hazel eyes came up and sat next to me on my right. A girl with dark brown hair and bright green eyes came and sat on my left side. I was scared at first, afraid because I didn’t know what they were going to do, afraid because I didn’t know how to interact with other people, other kids for that matter. "
Now this is better! If I were you I would begin the story with this paragraph before going into detail about the teacher.

" “Um, um, I, um, ahha, I would like that,” I answered quietly stuttering over what I said, not sure what to say to the kind boy. This was the first time I had interacted with another kid. "
Wouldn't it just be easier to say: " "I would like that," I stammered, unsure of what else to say. It wasn't often that I spoke to others. "

" “So what’s your name?” asked the caring girl... " Don't tell your audience that the girl is caring so much as you should show us this.

Here's my problem. I was (and still am) incredibly shy. I never talked to anyone in school until about grade 5. Not once in all those years did anyone just walk up to me and have a conversation. Not once did anyone ask to be my friend. I'm not regretful about all this, I enjoy the quiet life, so don't worry about that...but I'm just being realistic. I think it's cute that they would ask to be friends with her, but since the girl is so quiet, I just don't see why the kids would want to befriend her. Ok, maybe one of the kids might befriend her right away, but two is a little much. Children are also taught at an early age not to talk to strangers...just something to think about...

"This was the first time someone had ever shown me kindness, and it felt amazing." How did she even recognize it to be kindness, as a kid, how could she understand that it felt so good. Don't get me wrong, you should include this, but maybe you should alter the wording. You've just told your audience everything they needed to know, you told them it was the first time, that it was kindness, and that it felt amazing. But you can just as easily show your audience using a stronger vocabulary and more verbs. Just remember to show, not tell.

"It was strange enough that they let us attend school let alone live." This phrase sounds pretty serious and could greatly enthrall your reader except that it is so out of place since you've put nothing out of the ordinary before this statement to foreshadow or indicate that death might be a possibility.
This is what you've done: you've described a perfectly normal school with perfectly normal students. Then you've introduced the character and how she struggles with abuse. And then, completely out of the blue, you say it was strange that they let them attend school let alone live.
...It just doesn't add up.

"Jave, Belle, Matt and Eliza this was our group, forever and always. Nothing would ever rip us apart. Nothing." You've spent a lot of time telling your audience that this group was not going to fall apart. Infact, you said this at least four different times throughout the story. Am I right in saying that you intended some tragedy to befall these people and they would in some way or another get separated? If I am correct, that shows that it is too predictable and needs altered. The last thing you want your audience to do is be able to predict the outcome of your story. Then again, this is just a short story and maybe you wanted to leave that bit up to the readers imagination.

Final thoughts? It was good. You followed a common theme and you were more or less consistent in your writing style. I didn't notice any grammatical errors or anything so that's a really good indication. The story was interesting and I think you could go into a lot more detail about the girl, Elizabeth. It was a good ending, but I'm not completely sure why they were crying. Overall, the story was very sweet, I love the innocence portrayed in the children.

Hey EscapeToNeverland! Silver here.
I really liked this. It was nice to read and left me wanting more. I really liked the memories and the strong friendship that they shared. You could make this into a much bigger story if you wanted I think. It flowed really well and I really have nothing negative to say! reat job and keep writing!!

Silverlock

This was a very sweet story I really liked it! I love the morals of friendship and kindness you used. The world could learn a lesson from these.

There were a couple of punctuation errors, but nothing all that big. In a couple of places you could use a period instead of a comma. "But despite that. We didn’t hug or cry;" here, you could use a comma instead of a period.

Everything else looked pretty good. Nice job!