Impossible but Bound [Edited]

I sit on the motorcycle and stare at the rose-colored clouds against the fiery red skyline. People chatter and pass by as the voices of those around me mix and converge into one loud mumble. A few women shoot me flirty looks, but I don't pay them any attention. My heart is already elsewhere, with someone who cluelessly wears it around her pinky finger, dragging it along dirty streets and smelly canals, and I have neither strength nor will to get it back. I've given it to her years ago and only she can return it to me.

But she won’t return it to me in the manner in which she’ll restore my heart, no. She’ll return it crushed, turned into fine red powder that will fly away with the wind and rise to the skies. There, maybe my feelings will be free, but for now, I’m chained to someone whose future does not have me in it -- at least, not in the way I want to be.

I am stuck – stuck in a cage which only I made.

A cage called unrequited love.

We met each other years ago, from way back when we were both foolish and proud. I would carry her and twirl her, and in turn, she would laugh at me then tell me to go faster as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I would find it hard to breathe at times, yes, but if it was for her, then I was fine with it.

I would do anything to see her warm and innocent smile.

One day, when we grew older, she asked me to introduce her to sports, so I taught her what I was most familiar with: basketball. She would pout when she couldn't shoot a basket, so what I’d do was to carry her on my shoulders so that she could get the ball through the hoop. She'd gotten heavier by then, sure, but that contagious laughter once she scored was worth the sore shoulders.

I was just happy to see her happy.

Then there was the time when the street near her house got flooded due to strong rains and broken sewage lines. Sedans, hatchbacks, and SUVs couldn't pass through the roads, as the only vehicle that could withstand going through were large trucks. So, in order that I could bring her home, I carried her on my back and made her wear my raincoat. As I trudged through the murky waters, careful with my every step, she held the umbrella over our heads and whispered sweet apologies, embarrassed that I had to piggyback her. I shook my head and reassured her it was fine. I couldn't tell her why when she asked me, but I wished that somewhere in her heart she knew. Maybe I did get stinky, and maybe I did get scratched, but it was worth it not to have her cross the dark water, where broken lines and open manholes could have swallowed her whole.

I wanted to be the man who kept her safe.

When she wanted something, I’d be the first to know. I would go out, buy whatever it was, and give the item to her with a shy smile on my face. She, in turn, would grin at me and say "thank you", yet would barely talk afterwards, such as give me any follow up question like how my day had been or if I was fine or not. That was okay though. Waiting for her to talk to me again may have slowly killed me inside, but at least I got to be with her even for a little while.

I wished to be the person who’d provide her with what she needed and wanted.

There are a lot of wishes I have -- a lot of things I want to come true: that I be the one whom she leans on, that I'd be the boy who she can truly be herself with... but it's too late. There are no real chances I could take, because who am I, really?

I'm no one.

I'm just her family's lowly houseboy, currently tasked to buy ingredients for the food she wants to make for a guy who's coming over to the house. There is no room for me in her life -- there's no hope for my feelings to get across.

All I can do is serve the daughter of my employer.

All I can do is watch as another man unlocks the treasure that is her heart.

All I can and want to do is dream the winner was me and savor those tiny moments I can actually have with her.

Because there can be no place in her life for someone like me, right?