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CID ~ Case1 : The Mystery of killer Pen

by Eros


BACKGROUND:~

There was a boy named Raghav. He studied in a CBSE school in class Eight. He was short, sweet and good in studies. He lived in his home on Bhoota - Prabha street. 

It was Raghav's birthday and his house was decorated beautifully. His friends were invited .They all arrived with variety of gifts wrapped up in sparkling gift papers. His birthday had been very great funn.He enjoyed with his friends and his friends enjoyed with him. At last, his party was over and everyone went back home. Next morning, Raghav opened his gifts. There were so many beautiful things-- A car, binoculars, electric train.....and A PEN.

He took the pen and a piece of paper and wrote the name of one of his friends--Partid--who  was Raghav's classmate. The next day he went to the school with that pen .Partid was absent that day. A week passed, Partid remained absent. And then it was found that Partid died. At home, Raghav wrote the name of his neighbouring uncle--Uncle Maw. The next day he was taken ill. Uncle Maw died within one and a half week.

Now It was a serious problem ...Two deaths within four weeks! 

DRAMA STARTS:~

Uncle Maw's wife calls CID.Here comes a dashing CID team:Inspector Abhijeet, Inspector Daya,Fredricks,and Shreya. Inspector Abhijeet calls Tarika, the Forensic doctor to come urgently for invetigation .They dont find any clue or a proof. However, Dr.Salunkhe, a forensic doctor working with Dr.Tarika, takes the bodies to his lab.

The forensic doctors investigates the two bodies. They  find that it is not a coincidence...but a deliberate murder.Both the murders were done by the same method--by slow poisoning.They inform the CID inspectors about it. 

DAYA: This is a serial killer case.

ABHIJEET: Yes indeed!

ACP PRADYUMAN: (Rotating his fingers) There is some problem in the case...

Phone rings..."Hello, CID Inspector Shreya here..."

                         "OK ! OK!"

SHREYA: Dr.Salunkhe has called us in the lab

Everyone goes there.

Dr.SALUNKHE: The murders are done by a hairpin....

TARIKA :A hairpin which...

ABHIJEET: Wait, wait...Tarika is spaking something...Please tarika continue...

Daya clears his voice...and coughs some, deliberately...

TARIKA: (completing her sentence) A hairpin which a lady wears to tie her hair.

This is clear that the murderer is a lady.                                                                                             

The CID team goes to Raghav's House for investigation.

Raghav was practicing letter writing in the hall, with that mysterious pen. He writes the name of his English teacher in the letter. The English Teacher falls ill. She thinks that she is a victim of the murder and thus she calls CID for help. The CID team reaches there and takes her to the hospital in correct time.The doctors get successful in saving the teacher.CID talks with the teacher

.SHREYA: How do you feel now?

TEACHER: A little better... Inspector, I was sitting in the hall and I saw a lady roaming in front of my house...

SHREYA: OK ! dont worry, we will catch the culprit soon.

CID sits in the beauro, discussing about the culprit. Suddenly Fredricks remembers the letter with the name of the teacher, which Raghav was writing. He  tells it to everyone.Everyone reaches Raghav's house. Inspector Daya calls Raghav and asks him to bring the stuff he has written with the pen. CID finds that the person whose name is written by the pen has his life in danger.

ABHIJEET: Raghav, please write my name on a piece pf paper by that pen....

DAYA: Abjijeet, Whats this? I will never allow that...

ABHIJEET: Daya, please wait...Raghav, you write...

Raghav writes the name of Abhijeet on a paper with the pen. And after a few minutes Abhijeet collapses. 

DAYA: (Shouts) Abhijeet !!!! I told you not to take risk! Why didnt you listened ?!! 

Abhijeet is admitted to hospital. He stays there for a week or so and fially he is declared dead by the doctors. His body is taken to the forsensic lab that night.

In the forensic lab...

Sadness everywhere. Everyone talks about Abhijeet . Abhijeet's body lie there right in front of everyone.

DAYA: Abhijeet was really great ! He even sacrificed his life for CID. We will never get such an honest officer in CID again. (Goes towrad Abhijeet's body, helds his hand in Abhijeet's hand and says) We will miss you Abhijeet !! ( Daya's eyes gets filled with water)

ACP PRADYUMAN: You are correct Daya! He was an honest and a truthfull CID officer. He has given his life for us...(ACP's eyes gets wet with tears)

TARIKA: Abhijeet, I miss you ! You are --(Sobs) You are great!! I salute you! 

Media comes outside the doors of the lab. Everyone goes there. Daya somehow tries to controls the crowd.

MEDIA: A CID officer is so careless... A CID officer gets himself murdered s that he should get out of the case!!!??  Today Abhijeet died... Tomorrow we will hear Daya died and next day there will be no CID team left... Everyone gets murdered and the case is over....

DAYA: (Shouts) Hey!!! You have no right to say any thing of this kind to our honourable officer!! All of you just get out from here!!! DIdnt you hear--- (shouts loudly) Get out!!

Media leaves uttering something mean... The next day the newspaper has the headline on the front page:

 "A CID'oficer gets himself murdered to escape from a serious case"

"Dear citizens, our CID is very weak. Take some lessons of defending yourself from some murderes. Be aware" 

The muderer becomes happy to have killed a CID officer...The murderer wants to confirm the death of Abhijeet and wants to see the dead body of Abhijeet. So that night, the murderer goes in the forensic lab.

As soon as the murderer enters the lab the atmosphere in the lab becomes terrific.Mysterious sounds could be heard and the terrror and a chill runs down the spinal cord of the murderer. The murederer is a lady. So she gets frightened easily. 

The dead body of Abhijeet gets up and starts walking towards the lady. The door gets locked and...

THE LADY: (Screams and shrills) G--ghh-GHOST!!!!! How can this Abhijeet get alive?!! I have killed him just yesterday!!! 

And the moment the lady confesses, Abhijeet takes out a remote and pauses the radio.

THE LADY: (Confused) Abhijeet are you not dead?! 

ABHIJEET: You are under arrest! (Handcuffs the lady) 

Abhijeet calls the CID team.The CID team gets shocked. Abhijeet tells everyone that he was dead.

ABHIJEET: I knew that something like this is going to happen. So I had already taken some anti poisonous pills to nullify the effect of the poison which this lady used to kill the common people. And hence I made a plan to scare the lady and make a situation to make her confess her murders.  I took the help of a radio to create a horror effect. 

THE LADY: (Sobbing) Sorry Sir...I did all these things to take revenge of the injustice done to my                          father .My father and Raghav's father were business partners.They owned a                                        shop. Every thing was going well. But suddenly Raghav's father got greedy for money                        and sold  the shop without even telling to my father...                 

ACP PRADYUMAN:  You should have called us...You have done two murders and injured one.You                                      were trying to attack on our honest CID inspector! Why did you take law in                                          your hands? Now decompose in the jail, till the order of hanging you to death                                        arrives from  the  court...

Abhijeet ons the radio to enjoy the frigtening Freddy-- A funny CID officer who is afraid of ghosts!!

                                                             CASE OVER


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Mon Nov 12, 2018 12:52 am
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Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Eros. Casanova here to do another review for you.

One of the first things I've noticed about your work is the dialogue. It seems remote, robotic, as if someone spouting without thinking, and has a mechanical brain who shows no emotion.

What I mean by this is the fact that there seems to be no emotion in the words themselves. It's like it's strictly formal. I don't consider exclamation points and question marks accurate representations of emotion- so I would suggest choosing your words wisely. I mean, basically, think about if you got happy, if you got mad, if you got sad, would you use the same words? Would you be robotic and monotone, or would you use words that would accurately portray your emotions, as if you were literally speaking from the heart? Would you want people to know how you feel or would you want to seem lifeless?

Put yourself in the characters shoes and portray them as if they were an extension of your own being. As if they were you, and you were them. They're your creation, they're yours, and your theirs. It's what happens when you become a writer- your never your own anymore, and must think in a million different ways to portray each characters personality and quirks.

The plot is again something I won't touch up on besides it seeming to go by too quickly. I would, however, take a case and make it last more than one chapters. But that's just a thought and you can do what you please.

Anyway i think that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing.

Sincerely, Casanova




Eros says...


I'm getting the things ... I have to be in that character and feel his emotions ...



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Tue Jul 11, 2017 9:13 pm
GinaERufo wrote a review...



Hi Eros!
First off, I would like to say that your background was very good--it gave simple descriptions of your character, but left enough wiggle room for the reader to make their assumptions of him, and imagine what he looks like them self. I think that the idea of a murder mystery theater piece would be difficult to write and work with but you developed a great story and characters, good job! :)




Eros says...


Thank You so much for the review, dearGinaERufo!! :D I am glad you liked it!



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Fri Aug 28, 2015 1:27 pm
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DrFeelGood says...



CID is my favorite sitcom. lol. :D




Eros says...


Oooh!! I am glad to see another CID lover!!! :D



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Fri Aug 28, 2015 1:26 pm
DrFeelGood says...



CID is my favorite sitcom. lol. :D




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Thu Jun 11, 2015 4:02 am
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RagingLive wrote a review...



Hey there Eros! I wanted to review this for so long but time got away from me! So, if I may, let's jump right in!

1) I'm guessing that English isn't your first language, but I think with the overall complexity of it, you are doing quite well. This being said, I think you might want to work on lengthening your sentences and/or combining them. In some places this was done well, but in others it was a little hard for me to follow.

2) "His birthday had been very great funn" misspelled the word 'fun' here, but it's easy to do on a keyboard.

3) "There were so many beautiful things-- A car, binoculars, electric train.....and A PEN." This was a little hard to read because of the dashes - you really only need one, just separate them by a space before and after - and the inconsistent ellipses . . . I learned that you only need three, but then again nobody's perfect! :P

4) At the beginning when you are setting the scene, there are inconsistences in the placing of the period, but it's not a big deal and a relatively easy fix.

Overall, I think you have a really good idea I love mysteries. It's also interesting to see it from (in my case) a more foreign approach. However, even for a short story, it seemed to progress a bit to fast with no real introduction of characters or in depth descriptions. I hope to read more!

~RagingLive
P.S.
If I misunderstood anything please correct me!!! :)




Eros says...


Thank you for the review Ranginglive!! You are correct that I should write an introductory chapter. I have published it now. You can have a lok on it whenever you get a time! Thanks again for the mistakes you have told. We learn from our mistakes!



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Sun May 31, 2015 11:31 pm
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artybirdy wrote a review...



I'm a huge fan of murder mysteries, so I really enjoyed reading this script.

However, I like to point out a couple of areas you can improve in.

1. I noticed a lot of mechanical errors (spellings, grammar, and punctuation) errors. You can read over your work to avoid making them.

2. You gave us too many names to keep track of. Ease us into the case. Don't introduce us to all characters at once. Take your time to develop the story.

3. I felt that the case was solved too quickly and easily, without any dead ends or complications. Usually, the murderer tries to throw the police off guard or do anything to bring a twist in to the case. You could have also done something similar.

4. It lacks consistency in structure. There are odd spaces between sentences and indentations at random places. Your presentation is equally important as the content.

Overall, good attempt!

Well done, and keep writing!




Eros says...


Thank you for the review Artstyx!! It helped me to improve my weakness and avoid mistakes.



ArtStyx says...


No problem! Glad I could help. :)



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Sun May 31, 2015 8:14 am
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Wolfi wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!!!

Captain Wolfie stopping in for a review. Eros, this is a great case!

I'm a fan of classic mystery novels, particularly Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot, and so I am also a fan of this! For one thing, the unique format was cool. I liked how you used two different styles (script writing and plain prose) to describe the progression of the case and the clues the inspectors discovered.

There was a boy named Raghav.He studied in a CBSE school in class Eight.

Remember to always have a space in between sentences.

Phone rings......"Hello, CID Inspector Shreya here....."

Cloudless is right about your ellipses. Those are the (...) thingies, which really should only consist of three periods: no more, no less.

Those are pretty minor issues, though. The actual story is what matters, and you did really well with that! It was a very interesting case from start to finish. I wonder why Raghav actually wrote those names down, though, and how that woman always knew the name that he wrote down.

I'm definitely going to get to the second CID case tomorrow! By the way, what does CID stand for?

Keep up the awesome writing, Eros! I'm excited to read more. :D
Image
Go Team Why!




ArtStyx says...


CID stands for Crime Investigation Department. Just thought I should tell you. :)



Wolfi says...


Ohhh, okay. Thanks!



Eros says...


ArtStyx is correct. CID investigates all the murders. Actuall CID is a serial on channel SONY. I took the same characters. Only the dialogues and the story, plot etc., is mine.



ArtStyx says...


No problem, @Wolfie36



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Tue May 26, 2015 8:40 am
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Cloudless wrote a review...



Hey there!

I'm a fan of dialogue, so this script was a feast to my eyes. (They're called scripts right?)

I thought that your dialogue was good. It's what stood out to me the most. I could tell the difference between who was speaking even without there names. So in that sense, I think you nailed it.

As for flaws, I saw none. I do have a one thing that caught my eye though. (they didn't take away from the read in any way)

It was your ellipsis. There are usually only three but you often do more. Again, not even a big deal, just wanted to let you know.

Awesome script! Keep it up!




Eros says...


Thank you very much, Dear cloudless! I am working upon my CID case 2, I think that I will be able to publish it after 20th june .



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Tue May 26, 2015 12:20 am
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fantasydragon01 wrote a review...



Hey! It is me, fantasy dragon. I had followed your council and read the story while you watch the show.
I like what you have here. It is very fast and interesting. It kind of makes you want to read it. The story was creative, I must say. You did a good job on the story.

I did see some errors that I would like to point out.

Sometimes, you need to add an extra space bar, otherwise the words and stuff like that get crowded.

When writing contractions, make sure that you add an apostrophe.

I did find that once Tarika had a lowercase r. Make sure you capitalize that.

Once, you misspelled the word "investigation". It was below the DRAMA STARTS.

Please make sure that you look into these. Anyway, you did a great job.

Good luck and keep writing!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.

Ps. Enjoy the show. Let me see what you think.




Eros says...


Thank you very much Dear Draggy!!
I am working upon CID case 2.Hope you will enjoy reading it too.





Notify me when you publish it.




If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde