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139,622 Literary Works • 672,631 Reviews
Hi there!
I suppose it's because I don't know what's coming next, but why do you even have a prologue? This information, for me, seems as if it could be thrown into chapter one. Your last two paragraphs are solely descriptions of how they both look, and that can be sprinkled other places. I don't see what the meaning is. We can already infer most of the information given in this piece so far. It's a romance: there's a boy, there's a girl, there's some kind of conflict that we don't understand yet. This doesn't tell us much, and that's why I agree that you should put this information into chapter one somehow. Or remove it entirely. It has to have a point, and that point isn't clear.
I hope to read the rest of your novel! Best of luck. :)
Uh, yeah.
Firstly, this is not a prologue. Or, at least, should not be labeled as one. Character development, story development, and all that good stuff happens while the actual story is taking place. Attempting to do so otherwise - like what is being done here - only gives the reader a message that the author is unable to incorporate the meaning of this piece later on in the story, where it would be more efficaciously placed, if one possessed the courage to do so. This accomplishes nothing, except provide us with a brief piece of description that we have no idea what to do with.
The purpose of a prologue is to provide additional information that can be utilized later on in the story to better understand its inner workings. I, personally, discourage prologues - authors that possess some amount of craft could, theoretically, incorporate the information later on. This, of course is not always true. But prologues used in a way that is beside their purpose tends to lead to nothing.
So, honestly, I'd get rid of this. It is a nice piece of description - very atmospheric and well written, mostly - but irrelevant and unnecessary. I'm sure you have a great story in mind. Just try to complete this story without resorting to prologues.
Hope this helped. PM me if you have any questions.
-Kafka
Okay, so we don't learn a lot from this and I guess we don't have to since it's the prologue, but I'd like to get that dying-to-read-more feeling that you should get from a prologue. Otherwise I'd say extend this to make it the first chapter instead. Your characters, even though we don't have a lot of detail, seem like they could be interesting, so to keep readers like me (as in readers who don't exactly go for the romance stuff) reading, make sure these characters are really appealing in personality. That's an important backbone for any book, but especially for "fluffy" romance books.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver