*A couple years ago, my writing teacher decided to do something a little different, and taught us how to write short 7-5-7-5 poems. I wrote this one back then. I was never good at poems...
I’m the king of everything,
What I want, I keep.
I’m free of all suffering,
Then I wake from sleep.
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139,139 Literary Works • 672,415 Reviews
Hey, yo, EnderFlash! Strange here on this wonderful review day and I have a review for you!
This is going to be rather short, since I don't have a lot of time plus you probably have some other good reviews. This was a rather interesting poem format, it being 7-5-7-5. I found that unique, since I usually don't see it that much. The format helped the poem because it was rather short but sweet. Shorter humorous poems tend to fail because it takes a lot to capitalize on what makes it funny. I found this funny, along with other emotions.
You started it out with two rather simple lines, that felt okay. It's generic, so it dampens it. It doesn't feel that different, just a simple grab for laughs. That can be considered a bad thing because you need to start off strong and end strong. Though the ending could be referred to as "deep", the beginning set it up. It could be a better start, though.
The final two lines are depressing. I mean, it talks about how the only place the MC doesnt suffer is sleep. That's depressing, real, and somewhat funny. One of my best friend's dad is an Army general, but he has the humor of a kid. "I once pitched a perfect game, but then I woke up" is one of his favorite lines. That is humorous, so I can see that approach. Though I did find it funny, I found it to be a bit too simple. Basically, it's skin on bone. Rip the skin off for the enjoyment of others.
Good job, keep writing, and stay groovy!
I read this twice, and I see it was all a dream! Lol I like poems/stories like that. It adds humor like it added humor to yours. This is funny, though I would consider writing more. It's nice, and I bet you younger kids would enjoy it. Maybe you can make a collection of these types of poems and then turn it into a children's book. That would be awesome.
This is good. I'll definitely have to try to write some of these. Your writing teacher had a great idea- I can't wait to use it!!
Congratulations on writing this! I know it's short, but it's something people appreciate and enjoy.
I love reviewing! It's so much fun already- and I'm new here! Feel free to check out my work under my author name CatLover211 if you'd like. I love doing this, and this poem was another good thing about my day.
Happy writing! And don't stop writing either!
Hello EnderFlash,
Myjaspercat here for a review...
So I'm not going to do a line by line since there isn't much to do, more so I am just going to give you my overall feelings of this poem. That being said, onwards...
Overall I do like the cuteness of this poem. To me what makes this cute is the fact that you say you are the king but then in the end your reader learns that in all reality it is just in your sleep. One thing I didn't like however was the fact that you said you were free of all suffering. In all reality even the most powerful of people suffer in their own way, so I found that a little unrealistic. Any-who that's all I really have to say. I hope I helped a little. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing ----Myjaspercat
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"Kings in this world should imitate God, their mercy should be above their works."---William Penn
Haha, I guess the unrealistic suffering-free thing is another reason why it'll only happen in my dreams...
Hi,
this thing has some meaning at least.
I'm glad you said:
You WAS never good at poems, so now you'RE good.
Prove it! XD
And who said you was never good at poetry, this was quite nice for starter.
Anyway, on with the review:
The three lines were nice; simple; meaningful but the last line was poor; it was lacking something.
Maybe I understand what you meant but it was still confusing:
Were you saying that you only dreaming about being a king or the king(you) wake up from his sleep or the king(you) were dead but now alive again or whatever you meant.
You could say:
Anyway, it's up on you, you could do better than me! Keep writing especially on poetry, you'll never know what kind of poem will appear next! XD
I hope this helped ya!
Thank you! Yes, I meant that I was only king in my dreams; The last line shows me waking up.
Also omigosh is your avatar Karma blushing? If so, which episode is that?
I forgot but maybe around 14 to 17 when their exam was finished and he was blushing because Korosensei was making fun of his poor marks.
Anyway, you're welcome!
You've made me laugh on a sad day. For that I thank you!
I'm glad I did!