Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Dramatic

E - Everyone

The Feeling

by Emotion1405


Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?

The feeling of hopelessness.

That feeling where you feel like you are trapped.

Trapped in a box.

And although you entered that box there are no means of escape.

Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?

The feeling of emptiness.

That feeling you get when you are no longer sure of what the future will present.

The future that you are so afraid of.

Or what future at all?

Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?

The feeling like you let something go.

That feeling you get when you think you let something go easily.

Even though you should have fought to keep it.

Regret.

Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?

The feeling like you have nothing left.

That feeling of uncertainty.

The hopelessness and uncertainty is a lethal mix.

Life is full of lethality.

Trust me.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 390
Reviews: 4

Donate
Sat Dec 07, 2013 7:34 pm
adistopper wrote a review...



OK so to answer your question, yes I've had that feeling plenty of times. The secret is to never dwell on it too much ; just cruise on with it and you'll get by fine. But I'm not a shrink and you aren't a patient so let's skip all that and get to reviewing!
You're tackling emotions and that's a difficult task even on a good day. One thing I've learned is always to repeat that concept, that emotion so your readers can get the flow. So in this case repetition is key, not at all boring. Thumbs up for achieving that.
The poem itself is one big rhetorical question in its entirety : have you ever felt hopeless? This unanswered question bogs the mind of the reader through and through (or at least it bogged me). This keeps the reader active and self-reflective. Bottom line: rhetorics good, use more of them.
You also make use of allusions ( long and detailed comparisons) which effectively convey the subject matter. I for one could positively picture myself stuck in a box and wondering where the door went. Allusion is a great skill for any poet and you seem to have mastered it, so well done.
You also make use of sudden short sentences in a context of longer sentences and this is particularly admirable because it achieves emphasis (or stress) For instance in the following quotation the stress heavily falls on Regret and drives home your message :

That feeling you get when you think you let something go easily.
Even though you should have fought to. Keep it.
Regret.

You also have catchy phrases and my favourite is:

The hopelessness and uncertainty is a lethal
mix.
Enough said! When's your next great work coming out?




Emotion1405 says...


Thank you very much for the good review =D Really encouraging. Glad you enjoyed the read :)



User avatar
396 Reviews


Points: 27
Reviews: 396

Donate
Sat Dec 07, 2013 7:01 pm
Pompadour wrote a review...



Hey Emotion1405. :D Pompadour here for a review!
So, first off, I'll start with how I absolutely loved the way you ended this piece! It was short, striking and so true! So have a thumbs-up here!

I feel like your poem could be better if you had divided it into stanzas. The way you repeat "the feeling" is brilliant for effect, but when you start talking about something else, it just feels very abrupt and sort of incomplete...know what I mean? Like here for example:

Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?

The feeling of hopelessness.

That feeling where you feel like you are trapped.

Trapped in a box.

And although you entered that box there are no means of escape.

Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?

The feeling of emptiness.

That feeling you get when you are no longer sure of what the future will present.

The future that you are so afraid of.

Or what future at all?


So, here if you italicized "the" when you say "You know, the feeling," it would just settle itself in our hearts in a much better way. Otherwise it looks like you're repeating yourself. And you might want to separate the part where you say again "Have you ever had that feeling?" and then talk about emptiness. If the line breaks aren't working for you, you might want to try placing an asterisk (*) there. Pressing "enter" is good for leaping across the page, while you could use "shift+enter" for shorter line break.

Overall, loved the poem! Such a simple topic, yet so much emotion! Keep it up and keep writing!

Cheers,
~Pompadour.




User avatar
50 Reviews


Points: 2243
Reviews: 50

Donate
Sat Dec 07, 2013 8:13 am
GigiHarris wrote a review...



Hey there Emotion1405! :3
Your name says all about your poetry. x'D
Anyway, on with the review...

Hey that's one amazing poem!
And contrary to what AlfonsoFernandez says, I actually like the repetition. It just makes the feelings stronger and... and there's a different feeling... and I can't define it. ._.
My favorite line is:

"Life is full of lethality.

Trust me."

Yeah mann. That's so true.
I love how you portrayed so many feelings and got them down on pen and paper because writing about emotions is so difficult.
It's so simple yet so complicated and so nice. :')

Keep up the AMAZING work! :D
~Gigi




Emotion1405 says...


Thank you very much :) Glad you liked it :)



User avatar
67 Reviews


Points: 2314
Reviews: 67

Donate
Sat Dec 07, 2013 12:20 am
AlfonsoFernandez wrote a review...



Hey there, here to review.

I found this piece intriguing, and it caught my attention from the very beginning.

I like how every time after you repeat:

Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?


you always say things that are similar, yet they are different, and explained in a different manner, to give us a better view of what you're talking about.

I really liked the end:

Life is full of lethality.

Trust me.


I find this is a very good way to end the poem, for it is very powerful. I think it also helps that the last verse is shorter than the rest of them.

I did not find any spelling or grammatical mistakes, but the one thing I did not like a lot was the repetition.

Have you ever had that feeling?

You know, the feeling?


I think that this is repeated excessively, and you could probably change it to something similar, or simply repeat only the end.

The feeling.


I think this would have a better impact and it would flow better.

But those are only my opinions, and the poem is very good anyway, so take my suggestions as seriously as you like. Congrats, and keep writing.

-Alfonso




Emotion1405 says...


Thanks for the review :) That about the repetition is well taken in, shall definitely influence my next piece.




The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
— Stanislaw Jerszy Lec