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Just losing hope and such

by Emmzziee


What's the point
In even trying?
Goosebumps,
Let it end 
In a minute.

Listen very closely.
It's getting kind of dark out.
The wind is whipping
From behind.
Ashes, ashes, ashes.
Do you remember?

Ignorance; 
You better just love it.

I can't be there.
I'm getting blind,
And it's kind of foggy out.
The wind is cool against my back.
What happened to the sun?

I can feel it.
I can see it.
I can be it.

I can't be there.

Sweet warm bliss
Just raw and shallow.

So be it, 
You better just love it.


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22 Reviews


Points: 1928
Reviews: 22

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Thu Feb 09, 2012 8:01 pm
PotterGeek101 wrote a review...



it sounds kind of dramatic and down beat, making the reader feel dragged down by it. this is a good effect of emotive language as it engages the reader.
But i have to say i'm not really understanding this poem very well. Even though it has the good grammar and the emotive language i don't understand what its genre is. I don't know if you understand is that well either. i think you need to read it through and look at it fro the readers point of view and make sure that it still makes sense. But besides me nagging i liked the flow and the pictures it kind of painted in my head and i enjoyed trying to guess what this could possibly be about and it keeps the reader keen. As it is NOT that confusing but confusing enough to be hard to understand. Just try and express it better. But i'm not a poem sort of writer they just don't seem to fit in well with me.
Keep doing what you enjoy and don't let anyone tell you, your work isn't good enough prove them wrong!
-PotterGeek-





Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein