Norse Creation Narrative

by EmmVeePi

Published August 11, 2015

In Prose

Long before time(our time at least) long before the kings and queens of renown, before the sun had ever risen upon our world before the heroes of old died in glory before first man and first woman(of the men and women we are descendant of) before everything; there were other worlds. There was Darkalf Heim and Vana Heim and Midgard and above all there was Asgard the great residence of the Gods. But even long before these worlds, before Forseti before Skade before Freya and Balder there was just one world and no living souls not even the Gods of ancient days.

Muspelheim was one world. From end to end as far as the eye could see(if in fact there had been an eye to see) there was fire and flames. No day, no night, no darkness, no cool place simply never ending fire and glowing embers, sparks flew higher and higher, higher than the highest mountains and flames licked endlessly upon the infinite blackness which surrounded this world. The sound would have been overwhelming(had there been a soul to hear) an endless rushing and roaring and crackling. What this fire burned or how it had started cannot be told as the mystery is beyond recollection.

Forever and ever the flames of Muspelheim burned, neither growing nor shrinking, but never the same. After a time, a very long time, all the steam and all the smoke from the expansive lake of fire drifted to the side rather than rising up(as if blown by a wind but from whence who can say?) and a terrible and dense cloud formed from the fire, the steam and the smoke all swirling together. The roaring and crackling of the timeless blaze went on but now was accompanied by the whipping of wind and the terrible cloud grew endlessly for as the fire continued to burn this mass of smoke and dust and steam did grow and swirling together and blowing around it began to work itself into a feverish and endless storm.

For a long time did this storm rage and it continued to grow until it some point one would simply say that it had become a world if its own, a world called Niflheim. For another eternity these two worlds existed violently beside each other but at peace towards one another, Muspelheim furiously blazing on and Niflheim gathering all the smoke and steam and raging violently. All at once and without warning or cause a violent flash erupted between the two worlds. It was a brilliant burst of blue light accompanied by a thunderous clap, there and gone in a moment(seeming like even less in the eternity the two worlds had existed). The flash of lightning had torn a gap between the two worlds, a bottomless pit called Ginnungagap, with Muspelheim to the one side and Niflheim to the other.

The flames of Muspelheim continued to roar but no longer did the smoke and steam and the ash and the embers float into Niflheim but rather all was sucked into the terrible maelstrom Ginnungagap that lay between. Now Niflheim stormed violently with the flashes of lighting and the rumble of of endless thunder nearly drowning out its fiery neighbor. All manner of snow and rain and sleet and hail fell perpetually into the dividing pit(for there was nowhere else for anything to fall in this time).

So the embers and sparks of Muspelheim met the icy crystals and freezing rain from Niflheim in Ginnungagap making for a dreadful and intemperate place, two worlds colliding and this was all there was in the time before time.

As all this happened(we can't say for a long time or for a short time for there was no time and it was neither) a bright burning ember and a hard crystal of ice collided and there was an explosion of sorts in that awful pit. All the ice in the pit began to melt and the embers burned defiantly and water ran and flames flickered and in a moment(for now there was time) a shape began to appear, a child of fire and ice.

It was not a large or imposing figure as it pulled itself to the edge of the pit and clung to the briny sides. Such an ugly thing is rarely seen. It was crooked and its four limbs each had grown to a different length, a dark gray and shaggy hair grew upon its entire body save its black eyes and gaping mouth and it crawled from the gap with a terrible scream that would have made a hardened man's ears bleed and knees tremble had he been there it hear it.

The ugly beast was not alone though, for at the same moment as the start of time the ice and the snow and the rain and the smoke and the steam and the embers came together and also produced something close to what we might call a cow.

The creature accompanying the first of the race of Jotuns(for this is what the first creature had been) had four legs and four teats, short coarse hair and lacked of any horns(as any respectable cow should have). Its eyes were pale and glazed and probably could not see at all. Its ears were pointed and short buts its snout long. A large tongue hung from its lips, so large that its yawning mouth could not contain it and it fell from side to side and slobbered always upon the beast’s face. Its tail never stopped moving, sometimes twitching back and forth and at other times violently spinning, always stirring up a breeze between the two worlds, upon the edge of the gap where the Jotun and it resided.

In spite of a nearly empty verse neither the troll nor the heifer wanted for sustenance. For all day and all night(had there been either day or night) the cow licked upon the briny rim of Ginnungagap and so nourished its udder was ever swollen and the Jotun lapped the warm, frothy milk from its teats as is natural for any newborn creature. With an ever present supply of nourishment both the cow and troll grew immensely. The small and crooked creature that drug itself from the abyss grew to something great, bigger than any man, bigger than any beast(save for its cattle of a mother) bigger than the great oaks and larger even than the mountains upon which man has ever cast his eye. And so the two lived, growing, eating and sleeping upon occasion.

It was upon one such occasion, as the troll slept deeply after a long feeding of the sweet and thick milk from the cows udders that a most peculiar event occurred. As he slept and he sweated and his sweat soaked into the grime upon his arms and the life that had left him in the warmth of sleep came upon the dust from the two worlds that had gathered upon the him and life sprung again. Two lives. For a couple of Jotuns came forth from the armpit of the senior troll. Male and female crawled from the darkness beneath the trolls arm. The man was as ugly as it father, covered in a shaggy hair and black as night, with four limbs(upon two it walked) the arms being long but its legs so short that his hands swung nearly to the ground. Its eyes were bulging(nearly from its face) and its teeth protruded at every direction from its mouth.

The girl was different though she was tall and thin, with long flowing locks of golden hair that shone like our sun. Her legs were long and straight and her arms hung just past her waist, her locks flowed from her head and across her shoulder and down her chest and back so that she was covered in what looked nearly like a dress. Her nose and eyes and teeth were not like the awful scabs upon her father’s and brother’s faces but her eyes were bright and blue and her nose was neither too large nor small for her face while her lips were full and rosy sometimes turned up into a pleasant smile.

And these were the first children of the Jotun race, but they were not alone, for during that same slumber another life(or lives) awoken. For as the monstrous troll rubbed his feet together in his sleep(as we all do from time to time but never know for we are asleep) the warmth created between his three toes sprung a head for each toe but only a singular body. Each of the heads was different, the first small, smaller than the rest and barely had any eyes or nose or mouth to speak of, just a couple black holes beneath them a couple more holes where a nose should have been and a narrow mouth with perpetually pursed lips and no hair or ears to speak of. The second was bigger and covered all over in bright red hair. Not soft and flowing hair, no, it was coarse and tightly curled and seemed always dirty for no reason at all, his teeth were large and crooked and ever grimacing through his mighty beard, his nose could barely be seen perched atop the tangled red mass that was his beard and above that two eyes glared with no color of their own, only reflecting sometimes the fires of Muspelheim bright and terrible and at other times the darkness and emptiness of Niflheim. The third head was nothing but darkness. Dark hair covered the top of its head and a black beard hid his face all except once in a while when he opened his mouth for a growl or a roar when a handful of long and sharp teeth glistened brightly against his dark beard. And so the the three headed Jotun and his brother and sister, children of Ymir(the first being) wandered about the edges of Ginnungagap and argued with each other in speech non but themselves could understand.

One time as the great cow licked upon the edge of the gap it uncovered some hair; a light golden blonde. It detested the taste of these silky blonde threads but was hungry and continued to lick until a face was revealed. The face was smooth and the eyes shown bright and glimmered as they reflected the fires of Muspelheim as a diamond might have. His nose(for surely it was a he) was large and hooked just a bit at the end so that it looked nearly like a bird's beak. The being was far more handsome than its Jotun counterpart and was indeed our All Father Odin. The cows vigorous licking upon the first Aesir served to not only uncover the naked god but also in the vibrant heat spawned his triplets Villi and Ve. Odins brothers looked very much like him but both were a bit smaller and Vili had rich auburn hair and piercing sapphire blue eyes while Ve had a light brown beard and hair to match with emerald green eyes sunk deep in his face.

The three brothers emerged naked from their icy womb and lived contentedly together and attempted to live the same way with the Jotuns but it was a difficult task for the trolls are undeniably a difficult race, not only did the brothers have to suffer these ugly fools but it seemed as though the Jotuns multiplied spontaneously, one might simply go to sleep and there could be a half dozen more when it awoke.

Sitting on the edge of Ginnungagap these three Aesir gazed at the swarm of Jotuns about that great pit. “There are so many of them and so few of us. I am fearful for myself, and for both of you.” Odin commented, “I am not sure there is a future around this miserable chasm for us.” Vili and Ve both looked at there elder brother but remained silent. “If only there was somewhere else that we might get away to.”

“Where?” Ve asked.

“There is nowhere.” Vili furthered. “All you see is all there is, I have taken long strolls all about the gap and gazed as far as my eyes might see, there is no more.”

The ground shook even now as the mighty troll Ymir plodded behind them, pulling his cow along by the hair on its head, the brothers turned to look and the giant stopped. They each stared at the other for a long moment before Ymir made an unintelligible grunt(as all the giants speech sounded, Odin doubted very much they could even understand each other) and continued to walk.

“I fear they will throw us into the pit as soon as there is not enough room for more of them.” Odin lamented.

“They will have a bitter struggle in doing that.” Vili boasted.

“Let us end them first then.” Ve exclaimed excitedly.

“Quiet” Odin ordered, “lest you should bring their wrath upon us all the sooner.”

“Why should we just sit here waiting for our demise? To be thrown into the depths by a hundred ignorant, grotesque, malformed trolls?” Vili paused waiting for a reaction from his brother, “Odin?”

“We won't.” Odin responded, rising from his perch. “But our chance for victory is very little.”

“If there is even a chance at all.” Ve begged.

“There is,” He assured, “barely.”

“How is it to be then?”

“We cannot possibly hope to kill them all, but if we can kill Ymir at least the others seem not to spawn fresh pests so quickly. He sleeps, half the time at least, the three of us shall be his bane as he rests his eyelids. If the father is dead perhaps his offspring will bring us less misery.” Odin was a natural leader and his brothers would trust him to the very end if it came to that and so it was determined their survival could only be secured by death, by killing, by murder.

The three stood shoulder to shoulder and gazed around that rim. The embers blustered about them and frost covered their beards. The awful beasts wandered about around them and all around Ginnungagap(for without much else to see one could see quite clearly across the chasm) and the three searched carefully for their adversary and his cattle. Darkness still reigned in this time in a world lit only by the glowing coals of a distant fire, a light you’ve seen as you stood a distance from a fire in the wild country and could only just make out shapes about it.

At a distance Vili spotted Ymir. “There” he blurted.

“I see.” responded Odin. The great giant lumbered along, pulling its cow by her shag, he was heading their way(if a long ways off). “Hide behind that boulder.” He ordered, pointing towards the edge that was nearest Muspelheim. The brothers strode quickly across the ledge(which was relatively wide) and in a moments time reached the far side and crouched behind the boulder that the first of the gods had pointed out.

That original Jotun was close now, so close his stench stang their nostrils. His cow dug its hoofs into the dirt in resistance as he drug it about and molested its tits. So Odin and Vili and Ve each watched carefully as the troll fought his neverending battle with his sustenance and livelihood. “It is sad that thing should have the cow.” Proclaimed Vili.

“Indeed.” seconded Odin.

A vast cloud of dust was stirred by the struggle of those two first beings and all could see Ymir was weary and, after gushing a series of growls and hoots, bashed his cow upon the head so that it shivered and whimpered and cowered. The giant now dragged his beast very near the rock where the Aesir cowered in darkness and throwing the cow upon its side laid his head on the furry breast and fell to sleep not three strides from the brothers.

“How did you know?” Ve asked as he turned towards Odin, a look of awe crossing his face.

“Did you know?” Prodded Vili, disbelief in his eyes.

“It is me.” Proclaimed Odin, “I know what I know.” His statement was simple but entirely true. He did not understand it himself, but he knew it was true. Reaching down he grabbed a glowing hot chunk of coal in his hand and gritting his teeth clenched it tightly in his fist. “The winds of Muspelheim blow strong at our backs, grab something and let us end this monstrosity.” He whispered hoarsely, each of his brothers snagged an icicle from the opposite side of the boulder they hid behind.

“We Aesir, our time has come, fear us and Dread!” He screamed lunging from his hiding place. His voice rose, like thunder, it disappeared into the gap and shook every form that stood upon the rim, even the storms of Niflheim blew backwards a moment and Muspelheim flickered dim, its embers going dark and falling back into the fiery depths.

Bursting forth from their concealment the triplets lept upon the great giant(whose knees they barely came up to) with vigorous intensity. Vili and Ve began to clobber upon his chest and throat as Odin drove his fists into the giant's forehead. The Jotun tossed and turned but only in annoyance as he continued to sleep and Odin himself felt his heart begin to wilt, it had been a mistake, he could not possibly conquer this beast. Yet, Vili and Ve had hope.

“Kill it.”

“End him.”

“Spill his blood.”

“Stop his breath.”

“Throw him in the gap.”

But now the giant was restless, waking, his eyes flared wide open and he blew an immense grunt from both his nose and mouth at the same time(if you can imagine.)

“Kill the thing!” Odin screamed as its hand grasped firm around his torso and their eyes locked so that Odin thought he could see the universe in those pupils, and he could not take his eyes away. Then as if they had timed it all reflection of universe disappeared, Vili and Ve sunk their icicles into the monster's eyes. Odin, free again, and thinking clearly, still gripped the scalding ember tight and drew back.

That terrifying giant wailed and tried to cover its face. Another long grunt exploded its lips, it sounded as a beg for mercy, and Odin almost relented till his brothers pried those scabbed hands from the Jotuns face. No more doubt, Odin brought that glowing coal and clenched fist down upon the trolls forehead with every ounce of his energy. At the strike Odin's hand crushed the ember he had grasped and it exploded in a shower of flame upon the jotuns face. The giant issued another grunt, and then all at once a web of cracks appeared upon the pockmarked face. Odin stumbled backwards just as that same face began to split apart and blood burst forth. At first the cracks in Ymir’s face were merely lined with red but soon the blood flowed freely that firsts troll’s face disappeared behind a curtain of crimson. He thrashed this way and that, he convulsed. “Get away. Get away from him!” Odin shouted. Vili and Ve complied and followed Odin in taking a few steps backwards.

“Brother?” Ve sought Odin's attention. Odin himself was preoccupied gazing in both wonder and pride as the first death to ever take place in the universe transpired before his eyes. “Odin!” Ve shouted.

“What?” Odin responded finally, frustrated at being distracted from this monumental occurrence he was witnessing. Upon getting no reply from his brother he raised his eyes and was sickened as he observed the mighty congregation of Jotuns gathering about the three murderers and their victim.

There was a twin headed thing with terrible sharp teeth and far too long a body for its short little legs. Another Jotun looked little more than a large boulder with many hardened faces and tiny eyes with stubby little arms and legs. There was a fair Jotun maiden who’s raven black hair hung from her head long and shining and barely covered her nakedness. Despite her magnificent beauty her green eyes flickered with the flame of anger and her hands trembled with hatred.

“Stand by me brothers.” Odin sounded much more like he was asking or even pleading than ordering now. It was not that he was weak or his courage waning, the All Father only wished that if he and his brothers must perish they should together. His brothers close at hand the Great God was set to face his end when he felt the ground shake again, all who were there felt the ground shake. Turning around his eye caught the last movement of Ymir, a twitch of his hand, and then that great ogres empty head(for one would not possibly suggest a jotun to have something inside its head) burst as a swollen blister at the point of a needle so that a shower of blood blew upon and over and past all who stood near.

Odin reached for his face and began to wipe feverishly and frantically that dark red spew that now clung to his eyes and nose and mouth, it smelled as dirty swamp water, and it felt as thick as wine. Odin fully expected the horde of jotuns to be upon him and his brothers by now but instead they stared in amazement at the catastrophe ensuing about them. As the head had burst and the neck spat a seemingly infinite flow of blood the Jotuns had indeed rushed the Aesir but the blood served to coat the Rim in a slippery mess and now as Jotun after Jotun fell they slipped helplessly towards and disappeared into Ginnungagap. “Stand fast, do not move your feet lest you should slip.” Commanded Odin, his vigor renewed.

The whole mass of Jotuns disappeared swiftly in the flood of their fathers blood save for the strong one with long gray hair and arms as thick as tree trunks called Bergelmir and his wife, the girl who had stood shaking a moment ago, the two clambered over the bodies of their brothers and sisters and disappeared into the mist near Niflheim. Another; that great cow, stood over the body of her master, ironically licking up his blood.

“The world is now ours!” proclaimed Odin, standing tall, his one leg perched upon his adversaries corpse.

“A miserable world tho it is.” Pointed out Vili.

“We will allow it no longer, come, we’ve enough here to create a far greater world, any world we can imagine, a world that will be ours. Gather up the shards of his skull.” And so the brothers began to gather up the pieces that were once Ymir's skull and fit them back together. It was a monumental task to hoist the reconstructed dome but working together and with a lot of sweat they lifted at Odin's command and placed it high over their heads so high it could never be reached again and they called it the sky.

Beneath the celestial dome Odin Vili and Ve tore the giant asunder and dispersing his body parts throughout the sea that was his blood called them land. Standing upon fresh earth for the first time Ve was proud, but also concerned “It's too flat brothers, I think it needs something”

“Like what?” Asked Villi

“I think I understand” said Odin. And striding over to where the sea met the land he got to a knee and reaching into that deep, cool, well and pulled a bone from the giant's flesh “Vili put this up over there.” He pointed towards a shallow rise near what might have been Ymir's armpit. Reaching further into the water he pulled more bones and together stacked than into colossal mounds(what we call mountains.) The giants jaw had also been recovered and before throwing the bone into the last mountain Odin stripped the teeth from it. Looking out over his new world Odin picked out a spot nearly all the way across earth he reared back and flung the teeth as hard and far as he could. Some of the teeth after soaring over the land fell together while others bounced off each and scattered far apart so that the land became littered with boulders here and there but sometimes with non at all.

The hair that already grew thickly upon the giant's body turned green upon his death and we call it grass or sometimes trees. “Vili, quickly, grasp me a handful of sparks from Muspelheim.” Odin asked and his brother complied and took off running at such a pace that as he ran upon the very surface of the water and that sea began to stir along his path. Reaching again the rim on the edge of the land of fire he reached out over the blaze and with a single swipe of his hand grasped a veritable bouquet of gleaming embers, some burned pale orange while others flickered hot blue and still others ebbed so pale they could barely be seen to burn at all. He turned around and with a good running start upon the rough ledge he burst upon the ocean again and ran at such frantic pace(on account of the painful gift he carried in his hand) that the water itself rose up and began to spin around him, the rotating sheet of water rising high above him as he strode.

Finally he fell upon the shore at Odin's feet and reached out his arm “Please take these from my grasp for you asked for them.” Odin stretched out his hand and took the handful of embers from his brother but only for a moment before slinging them as high as he could over his head. Vili and Ve both ducked their heads and covered the backs of their necks with their hands in fear of the shower of sparks that was sure to rain down upon them. Odin though, in contrast, watched the gleaming embers as they surged high into the sky and a faint glow spread across the entire world under that great dome and just as they seemed as if they might fall back upon the world and sear everything each ember stuck against the giants skull and gave the nighttime light to the world(though some of the sparks clung stronger than others and from time to time even now we might notice one or two fall from the sky back upon our earth).

It was just as Vili and Ve raised their eyes(realizing the hot ashes were not falling back upon them) and were taking in the beauty of of glimmering roof over the world that they noticed movement beneath their prostrate bodies. Bringing their eyes back to earth they noticed the worms almost half the size of themselves coming up from the land they had made. “What are these vile things?” Vili screamed, “Give us back the Jotuns. At least they had arms and legs and heads.” In a near reenactment of the earlier conflict with Ymir Vili and Ve jumped upon the the rolling worm before them and began to beat upon it violently. It was as they commenced this assault that Odin noticed a sound, a voice, sounding almost like his own coming from that worm and for a moment he thought he might have even spotted a face.

“Stay yourselves!” Commanded the eldest Aesir. His brothers complied and and stepped back from the battered worm. Odin leaned close “What are you?” He asked.

“Afraid. What are you?” A voice responded from the swollen, off-white, elongated creature before him.

“Quickly! Help!” The All Father shouted at his brothers, as he did he began to claw at the dirty, worn, sallow skin. A tear appeared beneath his fingernails and almost immediately Vili and Ve jumped in and joined the effort. As soon as a hole of sufficient size was torn in the fleshy wrap an arm burst forth. It was not quite a Jotuns arm but hardly any better, it was short with thick fingers and covered in coarse hair. A united pull by all three stripped the covering from the creature it covered. He looked something like them and something like a Jotun It had a well formed face but not pretty at all and while it was a much smaller creature it was proportioned similar to the trolls in that it was not proportioned at all. The coarse hair grew upon most of his body and he already had a long beard but he spoke the language of the Gods(and later men) clearly. Nordi he was called and three other dwarfs(for of course this is what they were) who were stripped of their wormlike cocoons were named Vestri and Sundri and Austri.

But the three cowered close to the earth. “What is this infinite cavern? This far away ceiling is enough to turn the stomach” complained Nordi.

“This world is not for you, from Ymirs flesh did you come and the bowels of the earth shall always be yours.” Proclaimed Odin.

“Is it warm?” asked Vestri.

“Is it dark?” inquired Sundri.

“Is it snug?” Austri begged hopefully.

“Its is these things and much more,” assured Odin, “Down the hole,” he pointed to where the giants head had once been and where his gaping throat remained exposed, “this is the world I give to you, it will be called Darkalf Heim and from the flesh you came will you always be the masters and the caves and caverns beneath our feet and the labor of the stones and metals you find there will be your purpose and your joy.”

And so the four dwarfs waddled away in that ungainly manner of walk, all four in a row with Nordi at the lead and reaching the hole where the giants head had sat upon his shoulders they each took a small hop and disappeared into the earth feet first.

Looking about the new creation, Muspelheim and Niflheim no longer could be seen, the land was green and rolling with majestic mountains rising high against the starry sky, boulders and crags gave interruption to the land and here and there rivers ran as the giant's blood still gushed out in springs and ran to the ocean.

At one such well the water burst forth cleaner and more fresh it seemed than anywhere else and spilled over a pile of the dust from Muspelheim that still clung to the body that was the earth. Odin took notice. “This land is for us, but not for us alone, we should have servants to care for the land as we cannot be everywhere at once.” So saying he led Vili and Ve to the soggy mound of ashes. “I will form a creature, a man, it shall be very much like us though I would not dare to spill all my strength nor mind into it.” And so he set about forming the wet ash in his hands. The material was workable but troublesome, slipping through Odin’s fingers falling apart as soon as he removed his hands. Yet, he persevered and breathing heavy upon his creation he began to draw the dampness from the ash and at the same time impart his own life into it. His triplets at the same time were following his lead. “This one is a wo-man it is just like enough your man to be its partner but just different enough to be its counterpart.” They too blew upon their sculpture and so life was imbued to it also.

The twins had taken a handsome form now; man and woman. They were so much more beautiful than their creators and more beautiful than any man or woman after them and the breath of the gods that formed them and gave them life also reignited the embers they were formed from and glowed.

“I am Mani.” Declared the man( a word which we all know is reserved for the moon above us and for beauty and for wonder). He was tall and muscular, his skin bronze and shining, his hair was pale and very nearly white and there was no beard at all upon his face.

“And I Sol.” Proclaimed the woman arrogantly(for one would never dare call itself either the sun nor the light of the world nor majesty). She was a stunning vision for the three gods, he hair hung to her shoulders and curled lazily as it sparkled brightly like the stars above, her face shone so bright that one could almost not even bear to look at it.

Odin’s younger brothers stood proudly with arms crossed over their chests admiring their creations but Odin in contrast had his hands upon his hips and scowled with rage at their arrogance and self worship. “Curse you you arrogant two I curse you forever from this land for though your countenance is of incomparable beauty and brightness your hearts are as dark as that great pit. “Brothers, go to that far away land where Bergelmir and his bride fled to and bring them back to me now.” Odin bellowed at his brothers. The two departed toward that land, a journey which took quite a long time but time was of little consequence then.

Meanwhile our All Father began to tear strips of wood from the trees near him and form them and tie them together with bonds he made of the overgrown grass and globs of mud and layers of leaves until he had two wheeled carts and harnesses. Nothing was there in that time to pull these carts so he sat upon the earth and using his finger drew a figure in the ground with a long body, four legs a thick neck and a long face. Satisfied with his drawing he drew another and then again blew upon what he had created and spoke softly “Come forth my friends.” coaxed from the earth two horses Arvakr and Alsvin for they were both strong and quick. The horses were virtual twins of each other with short silver coats and long manes that shimmered blue, flowing tails that hung nearly to the ground and thick white feathering around each their hooves.

Leading the horses he harnessed each of them to their respective carts. Turning towards the man and the woman “You are maybe my most wondrous creations but there is no place in Midgard for you nor would I like there to be, I curse you to the skies until that day when all ends.” So cursed they each climbed aboard separate carts, their faces running with tears of sadness but chins held high in defiance. Odin took a firm grasp of each cart in each hand and sprung forth hurling those two into the heavens with all his might. So there both the cart with the sun and the cart with the moon wandered lazy and aimless over the land but their immense glow lit everything beneath so that the world was seen as never before.

“Odin!” The All Father heard his name called from across the land, removing his gaze from the sky overhead to the world at his feet he caught sight of his brothers running across the earth each struggling mightily as he ran with a violent furry bundle in his arms. Snouts and teeth and claws and fur thrashed about in a mangled mess in each their arms.

“What is this?” The eldest inquired, knowing well it was not Bergelmir or his Jotun maiden.

“The Jotuns defied our summon and offered these instead, they called them wolves, they are named Skoll and Hati.” Explained Ve meekly.

“Defied you?” Exploded Odin. “It was not a suggestion! If you dared not capture them you should have at least killed them lest they be our bane.” He was frustrated and his voice echoed it. Nevertheless he’d make due with what he’d been brought. “Hand them over, these wolves.” He sneered.

So the younger of the Aesir handed the vicious beasts over(glad to be rid of the trouble) to their elder brother. Odin took hold of each wolves nape and whipped the first skyward followed quickly by the other and listened as their mournful howls faded from hearing. For a long time they disappeared into that sky that was starry and sunny and filled with moonbeams all at once but after a while one could make out the shape of Skoll creeping upon Sun and if he looked a little closer might spot Hati crouched behind Moon. All wandering stopped, all randomness of time and light and season ended, for suddenly the wolves burst upon those two children of the gods in their chariots and the horses reared and whinnied and took off across the sky, Sun first then Moon and tirelessly Skoll and Hati chased behind so that we might have night and day and weeks and months and years(until that last day). Sometimes Mani is so brokenhearted at the curse he and his sister have brought on themselves that his otherwise shining face is covered in tears till one cannot see it at all but his sister wipes his face one night after setting from our view and his entire face can be seen once more.

His first attempt at man and woman stymied by their arrogance Odin decided that using those prehistoric sparks of life and the first life blood itself(Ymir’s blood that is) was maybe too much for creatures he meant to be quite beneath him. Instead his attention fell on two nearby ash trees. “There are more people, they are to come from these trees, you will see if you help me strip the bark and leaves from them.” Odin told his brothers and while both were quite tired of their creative labor labor at this point they followed their elder.

Vili and Ve were both content to casually pluck leaves from the lowest hanging branches of one of the trees but Odin, ever lusting to bring his vision of beauty to life, clawed ravenously at the bark of the tree, peeling it off in strips and chunks. His nails split, his fingertips bled so that his own lifeblood began to pour into that graceful young tree. Soon where there had been bark and wood Odin could feel smooth skin, skin like his, skin like the Sun and the Moon save not so brilliant, not without flaws.

He kept working at it, more carefully now, not wanting to damage his prize in any way. A strip of bark here, a ring of wood there, a handful of leaves he tore gently, deliberately from this person, it was flawed, and did not gleam even a little but what he was uncovering was by no mistake beautiful and both VIli and Ve had stopped their work and gazed upon that thing their brother was revealing.

As Odin methodically revealed that first mother named Embla Vili and Ve resumed their work with a renewed vigor shredding the wood of the other tree with reckless abandon, removing nearly every leaf from its limbs, they too began to uncover something underneath the wooden shell; it had skin too but again not like Sol or Mani, it was thicker and covered in more hair than that which Odin was working on(though less than the trolls and dwarfs). The hair on its head was not so silken and smooth like Embla’s but heavier and stiffer and hair was even found in stubble across its face for this was the first of the race of man, or at least the first to father children, and they gave him the name Ask.

Both Embla and Ask fell from the shells of trees they were torn from at the same moment. They seemed meek as they lay upon the ground and neither raised its face from the earth, they even trembled. Odin was glad the arrogance of the sun and the moon was not in them but would not suffer his children groveling in the dirt in fear.

Reaching down he lifted each their chins to him. “I am Odin, your father, All Father. This world is Midgard, it is mine but I grant it to you. Never forget me and I will always watch over you and all that come after you.” So he pulled them each up and stood them side by side. Embla was still thin and almost looked stretched as the tree she had come from but an air of grace was about her and her every movement fluid, even sensual. Her hair was a light brown and her nose thin, her eyes the color of scorched timber and her feet and hand both small. Ask was a burly man, bearing little resemblance to Mani, he was tall but thick, his skin a little ruddy, his beard dark and uneven as it was just beginning to grow and his hair was entirely unruly and seemed unable to decide which way to grow. His hands were large with thick, strong fingers and both his legs held him firm to the earth as tree trunks.

Odin was proud, as all fathers are, of his children and, as all fathers, was anxious to see all they would do with their lives. A warm breeze blew upon him as he stood admiring them and the world, the far away glimmering ocean reflecting the twinkling stars in the sky above, a faint glow on the horizon as Sol was nearly over the ocean fleeing from that terrible wolf. The mountains rose behind him and the spring gurgled endlessly beside him spilling its water down the hillside into a pool in the valley below and the faint breaking of stones could barely be heard from deep under the earth beneath as the dwarfs went about their labor. To his brothers “This valley we shall call Idovall and upon that mountain at the far end of the grassy plain we shall build a home.”

“Midgard, Idovall, Embla, Ask, and what shall our home be called?” Asked Ve.

“Asgard. For it is the home of we Aesir.” The brothers nodded in agreement and Odin turned again to man and woman. “I hope you both may find happiness here, the land and all in it is for you, but be ever vigilant of those great giants which have fled to a far away land. They will never rest until they have avenged their father whom we have destroyed.” This thought weighed heavy upon his mind as he waved his hand in goodbye and the three gods began the walk across the valley to that great mountain Asgard.

Comments & reviews · 6
ParanormalMyth wrote a review Review · Sep 16, 2015

Hey, EmmVeePi!

Ok, so this is really long. I've never tried to review anything this long before, so this may not be helpful at all. I decided to read it in chunks.

The Review!


Other

Spoiler
Ok, I'm going to be honest with you. Even after just this first chunk, I'm exhausted. While I love your storytelling, I have a super low attention span. You've honestly lost me as of now, and I'm taking a break after writing this, and will then come review another chunk. I feel like if you broke what you've got written as one post into a few different posts, you'd get a lot more attention. I know that I personally looked at this and was like "dang this is long. I'll never be able to review it!" It's a great piece of work, I just can't read it all at once. It's like with a book, your often just going to want to read 5 or so pages before dinner. (At least, that's how I am.) If you break this into pieces, I really think you'll be good to go, because this has a lot of potential.

I like some of the thoughts in parentheses, but others are distracting. You'll see how I edited those below, :)


Plot

Spoiler
You've taken something that can be quite boring, Mythology, and made it easier to understand and analyze. You've wrote this very well, and I enjoy it. I think that's all I have to say for the plot.


Characters

Spoiler
The characters are well done, so kudos there!! :D


Typos/Grammar/Odd Sentences

Spoiler


(Things I've added are in bold, things I would get rid of are crossed out. :) There's a bit of a problem with run-on sentences, so keep an eye out for those in the future :) )

Paragraph 1
Long before time(our time at least) , [/s] long [/s]before the kings and queens of renown, before the sun had ever risen upon our world , before the heroes of old died in glory , before first man and first woman of our relation, of the men and women we are descendant of) before everything; there were other worlds. There was Darkalf Heim and Vana Heim and Midgard and above all there was Asgard the great residence of the Gods. But even long before these worlds, before Forseti , before Skade , before Freya and Balder there was just one world and no living souls [/b],[/b] not even the Gods of ancient days.


Paragraph 2
Muspelheim was one world. From end to end, and as far as the an eye could seeif in fact there had been an eye to see) there was fire and flames. No day, no night, no darkness, no cool place. Simply never ending fire and glowing embers . Sparks flew higher and higher, higher than the highest mountain and flames licked endlessly upon the infinite blackness which surrounded this world. The sound would have been overwhelming, [/s] (had there been a soul to hear) [/s] an endless rushing and roaring and crackling. What this fire burned or how it had started cannot be told as the mystery is beyond recollection.


Paragraph 3
Forever and ever the flames of Muspelheim burned, neither growing nor shrinking, but never the same. After a time, a very long time, all the steam and all the smoke from the expansive lake of fire drifted to the side rather than rising up , as if blown from an imaginary wind. [/s] (as if blown by a wind but from whence who can say?) [/s] and A terrible and dense cloud formed from the fire, the steam and the smoke all swirling together. The roaring and crackling of the timeless blaze went on but now was accompanied by the whipping of wind. and The terrible cloud grew endlessly for as the fire continued to burn this mass of smoke and dust and steam did grow and swirling together and blowing around it began to work itself into a feverish and endless storm.


Paragraph 4
For a long time did this storm rage, and it continued to grow until it [/b] at [/b] some point one would simply say that it had become a world if its own, a world called Niflheim. For another eternity these two worlds existed violently beside each other but at peace towards one another. Muspelheim furiously blazing on and Niflheim gathering all the smoke and steam and raging violently. All at once and without warning or cause a violent flash erupted between the two worlds. It was a brilliant burst of blue light accompanied by a thunderous clap, there and gone in a moment. (seeming like even less in the eternity the two worlds had existed) The flash of lightning had torn a gap between the two worlds, a bottomless pit called Ginnungagap, with Muspelheim to the one side and Niflheim to the other.


Paragraph 5
The flames of Muspelheim continued to roar but no longer did the smoke and steam and the ash and the embers float into Niflheim. But rather all was sucked into the terrible maelstrom Ginnungagap that lay between. Now Niflheim stormed violently with the flashes of lighting and the rumble of of endless thunder nearly drowning out its fiery neighbor. All manner of snow and rain and sleet and hail fell perpetually into the dividing pit(for there was nowhere else for anything to fall in this time).


Paragraph 6
So the embers and sparks of Muspelheim met the icy crystals and freezing rain from Niflheim in Ginnungagap making for a dreadful and intemperate place, two worlds colliding . [/s] and this was all there was in the time before time. [/s] This was all in the period before time.

(I dunno, that paragraph was kinda hard to analyze)

Paragraph 7
As all this happened[/s] (we can't say for a long time or for a short time for there was no time and it was neither)[/s] a bright burning ember and a hard crystal of ice collided and there was an explosion of sorts in that awful pit. All the ice in the pit began to melt and the embers burned defiantly and water ran and flames flickered and in a moment(for now there was time) a shape began to appear, a child of fire and ice.


Paragraph 8
It was not a large or imposing figure. as It pulled itself to the edge of the pit and clung to the briny sides. Such an ugly thing is rarely seen. It was crooked and its four limbs each had grown to a different length. , a Dark gray and shaggy hair grew upon its entire body save its black eyes and gaping mouth. and It crawled from the gap with a terrible scream that would have made a hardened man's ears bleed and knees tremble. had he been there it hear it.


Paragraph 9
The ugly beast was not alone though. For at the same moment as the start of time the ice and the snow and the rain and the smoke and the steam and the embers came together and also produced something close to what we might call a cow.


Paragraph 10
The creature accompanying the first of the race of Jotuns(for this is what the first creature had been) had four legs and four teats, short coarse hair and lacked of any horns (as any respectable cow should have). Its eyes were pale and glazed and probably could not see at all. Its ears were pointed and short buts its snout long. A large tongue hung from its lips, so large that its yawning mouth could not contain it and it fell from side to side and slobbered [/s]always[/s] upon the beast’s face. Its tail never stopped moving, sometimes twitching back and forth and at other times violently spinning, always stirring up a breeze between the two worlds. Upon the edge of the gap was where the Jotun and it resided.


Paragraph 11
In spite of a nearly empty verse neither the troll nor the heifer wanted for sustenance. For all day and all night(had there been either day or night)the cow licked upon the briny rim of Ginnungagap and so nourished its udder was ever swollen and the Jotun lapped the warm, frothy milk from its teats as is natural for any newborn creature. With an ever present supply of nourishment both the cow and troll grew immensely. The small and crooked creature that drug itself from the abyss grew to something great, bigger than any man, bigger than any beast(save for its cattle of a mother), bigger than the great oaks and larger even than the mountains upon which man has ever cast his eye. And so the two lived, growing, eating and sleeping upon occasion.


Paragraph 12
It was upon one such occasion, as the troll slept deeply after a long feeding of the sweet and thick milk from the cows udders that a most peculiar event occurred. As he slept and he sweated and his sweat soaked into the grime upon his arms and the life that had left him in the warmth of sleep came upon the dust from the two worlds that had gathered upon the him and life sprung again. Two lives. For a couple of Jotuns came forth from the armpit of the senior troll. Male and female crawled from the darkness beneath the trolls arm. The man was as ugly as it father, covered in a shaggy hair and black as night, with four limbs(upon two it walked) the arms being long but its legs so short that his hands swung nearly to the ground. Its eyes were bulging(nearly from its face) and its teeth protruded at every direction from its mouth.


Paragraph 13
The girl was different though she was tall and thin, with long flowing locks of golden hair that shone like our sun. Her legs were long and straight and her arms hung just past her waist. Her locks flowed from her head and across her shoulder and down her chest and back so that she was covered in what looked nearly like a dress. Her nose and eyes and teeth were not like the awful scabs upon her father’s and brother’s faces but her eyes were bright and blue and her nose was neither too large nor small for her face while her lips were full and rosy sometimes turned up into a pleasant smile.


Paragraph 14
And these were the first children of the Jotun race, but they were not alone, for during that same slumber another life(or lives) awoken. For as the monstrous troll rubbed his feet together in his sleep (as we all do from time to time but never know for we are asleep) the warmth created between his three toes sprung a head for each toe but only a singular body.

Each of the heads was different, the first small, smaller than the rest and barely had any eyes or nose or mouth to speak of, just a couple black holes beneath them a couple more holes where a nose should have been and a narrow mouth with perpetually pursed lips and no hair or ears to speak of.

The second was bigger and covered all over in bright red hair. Not soft and flowing hair, no, it was coarse and tightly curled and seemed always dirty for no reason at all, his teeth were large and crooked and ever grimacing through his mighty beard, his nose could barely be seen perched atop the tangled red mass that was his beard and above that two eyes glared with no color of their own, only reflecting sometimes the fires of Muspelheim bright and terrible and at other times the darkness and emptiness of Niflheim.

The third head was nothing but darkness. Dark hair covered the top of its head and a black beard hid his face all except once in a while when he opened his mouth for a growl or a roar when a handful of long and sharp teeth glistened brightly against his dark beard.

And so the the three headed Jotun and his brother and sister, children of Ymir(the first being) wandered about the edges of Ginnungagap and argued with each other in speech non but themselves could understand.


Paragraph 15 is fine, :)

Paragraph 16
The three brothers emerged naked from their icy womb and lived contentedly together and attempted to live the same way with the Jotuns. But this it was a difficult task, for the trolls are undeniably a difficult race. Not only did the brothers have to suffer these ugly fools but it seemed as though the Jotuns multiplied spontaneously, one might simply go to sleep and there could be a half dozen more when it awoke.


Paragraphs 17-19 are fine, :)

Paragraph 20
The ground shook even now as the mighty troll Ymir plodded behind them, pulling his cow along by the hair on its head. The brothers turned to look and the giant stopped. They each stared at the other for a long moment before Ymir made an unintelligible grunt (as all the giants speech sounded, Odin doubted very much they could even understand each other) and continued to walk.


Paragraph 21-29 are fine. (I hope I'm counting these right. I feel like I may have miscounted somewhere...)

Paragraph 30
“We cannot possibly hope to kill them all, but if we can kill Ymir at least the others seem not to spawn fresh pests so quickly. He sleeps, half the time at least, the three of us shall be his bane as he rests his eyelids. If the father is dead perhaps his offspring will bring us less misery.” Odin was a natural leader and his brothers would trust him to the very end if it came to that. and So it was determined their survival could only be secured by death, by killing, by murder.

(The dialog at the beginning also reads odd, but I'm not sure how to fix it. :( )

Paragraph 31
The three stood shoulder to shoulder and gazed around that rim. The embers blustered about them and frost covered their beards. The awful beasts wandered about around them and all around Ginnungagap. (for without much else to see one could see quite clearly across the chasm) and The three searched carefully for their adversary and his cattle. Darkness still reigned in this time in a world lit only by the glowing coals of a distant fire, a light you’ve seen as you stood a distance from a fire in the wild country and could only just make out shapes about it.


Paragraph 32 is fine

Paragraph 33
“I see.” responded Odin. The great giant lumbered along, pulling its cow by her shag, he was heading their way (if a long ways off). "Hide behind that boulder.” He [/] Odin ordered, pointing towards the edge that was nearest Muspelheim. The brothers strode quickly across the relatively wide ledge [s] (which was relatively wide) and in a moments time reached the far side and crouched behind the boulder that the first of the gods had pointed out.


Paragraphs 34-40 are fine

Paragraph 41
Bursting forth from their concealment the triplets lept upon the great giant (whose knees they barely came up to) with vigorous intensity. Vili and Ve began to clobber upon his chest and throat as Odin drove his fists into the giant's forehead. The Jotun tossed and turned but only in annoyance as he continued to sleep[b]. and Odin himself felt his heart begin to wilt, it had been a mistake, he could not possibly conquer this beast. Yet, Vili and Ve had hope.


Paragraphs 42-46 are fine

Paragraph 47
But now the giant was restless, waking, his eyes flared wide open and he blew an immense grunt from both his nose and mouth at the same time. (if you can imagine.)


Paragraph 48 is fine

Paragraph 49
That terrifying giant wailed and tried to cover its face. Another long grunt exploded its lips, it sounded as a beg for mercy, and Odin almost relented till his brothers pried those scabbed hands from the Jotuns face. No more doubt, Odin brought that glowing coal and clenched fist down upon the trolls forehead with every ounce of his energy. At the strike Odin's hand crushed the ember he had grasped and it exploded in a shower of flame upon the jotuns Jotuns face. The giant issued another grunt, and then all at once a web of cracks appeared upon the pockmarked face.

Odin stumbled backwards just as that same face began to split apart and blood burst forth. At first the cracks in Ymir’s face were merely lined with red but soon the blood flowed freely that firsts troll’s face disappeared behind a curtain of crimson. He thrashed this way and that, he convulsed. “Get away. Get away from him!” Odin shouted. Vili and Ve complied and followed Odin in taking a few steps backwards.


Paragraphs 50-52 are fine

Paragraph 53
“Stand by me brothers.” Odin sounded much more like he was asking or even pleading than ordering now. It was not that he was weak or his courage waning, the All Father only wished that if he and his brothers must perish they should together. His brothers close at hand the Great God was set to face his end when he felt the ground shake again, all who were there felt the ground shake. Turning around his eye caught the last movement of Ymir, a twitch of his hand, and then that great ogres empty head (for one would not possibly suggest a jotun to have something inside its head) burst as a swollen blister at the point of a needle so that a shower of blood blew upon and over and past all who stood near.


Paragraph 54
Odin reached for his face and began to wipe feverishly and frantically that dark red spew that now clung to his eyes and nose and mouth, it smelled as dirty swamp water, and it felt as thick as wine. Odin fully expected the horde of jotuns Jotuns to be upon him and his brothers by now but instead they stared in amazement at the catastrophe ensuing about them. As the head had burst and the neck spat a seemingly infinite flow of blood the Jotuns had indeed rushed the Aesir but the blood served to coat the Rim in a slippery mess and now as Jotun after Jotun fell they slipped helplessly towards and disappeared into Ginnungagap. “Stand fast, do not move your feet lest you should slip.” Commanded Odin, his vigor renewed.


Okay. So I'm a bit too lazy to finish editing all the rest of the paragraphs. I'd recommend just checking through for run-on sentences, and getting rid of the parts in parentheses, unless they add something to the story. :)


Overall, this is a good piece, it's just to long for one to properly be able to read and analyze. I loved this work though. :)

~Myth

User avatar
Vervain
Review
Vervain wrote a review Review · Sep 16, 2015

Hey there, I'm here as requested to take a look at this!

My first comment is that this, in one part alone, is really long. I would recommend maybe splitting it up into parts, at least on here, to allow for easier reading and reviewing -- as it is, I don't really have the time to sit down and scrutinize 7000 words at once, nor do a lot of other people, which is why you might not get so many reviews on something like this. It's just a suggestion, but a general rule of thumb is somewhere between 1.5 and 2.5 thousand words per post, depending on how long the piece is and where you can split it up.

Secondly, while I am familiar with the tone of voice and the general oral tradition of storytelling associated with creation myths, the fact of the matter is that this is written down. And if you're going to write something down, you're going to need to use some sort of punctuation to break up your clauses and modifiers, unless you're going for something artsy.

In the first paragraph, you really should have commas before each of your "befores". To give you a short example, "before Forseti before Skade before Freya and Balder" should be "before Forseti, before Skade, before Freya and Balder". This gives the reader time to pause between each name, and they're also important in the oral tradition because they signify the pause, beat, and sometimes breath the speaker would take before moving on to the next.

I wish I had the time to really sit down and analyze the nitty-gritty of this story, but like I said, it's pretty long for one post. If I did so, I'd be here all night writing what is, in effect, a dissertation, and I doubt you'd want to read it, either. (I'm known for going twice the word count of things I'm analyzing.)

So I'll keep going with your technical aspects. Even -- especially -- if you're going for an oral tradition feeling to the storytelling, you need to pay attention to your grammar and punctuation. Yes, people have particular talking patterns and are prone to skipping words, but that's not just what I'm talking about -- I'm talking about run-on sentences with zero delineation between the clauses. That gets really confusing, really fast, and as a reader, I'm tempted to drop it. I would recommend asking a friend to beta-read and proofread, to catch mistakes you might not notice.

In addition, speaking from a technical standpoint, I would recommend minimizing your use of parentheses. In the beginning, they seem like they add a lot to the story, being asides from the narrator or speaker who's telling this story to the audience -- but as I get into it, more and more of your parentheticals are just things that should be in the sentences anyway.

A general rule: If you can take it out of the sentence and nothing will be changed, it's fine in parentheses. If it belongs in the sentence, just put it in the sentence.

As for your descriptions, I recommend thinking about how people would talk when you're describing your main players, especially Odin and his brothers. I noticed when you were describing Vili and Ve that you had a full sentence of nothing but description, and none of it furthered characterization.

Oftentimes, in oral storytelling, the storyteller will jump ahead a bit when a new character is introduced, and introduce them by one of their qualities -- that is, they might say "Odin, the almighty brother", "Vili, the boastful brother", things like that. Appearances often go hand in hand with characteristics (especially color-coding good and evil depending on the culture), but in order to make that connection, we need to know their personalities.

In writing an oral myth style of storytelling, it's okay to break the rule "show, don't tell". You can tell the audience all you want -- it's okay to go into tangents and infodumps, so long as they're manageable and interesting, because the audience is literally an audience listening to your narrator speak. It's okay to have the narrator inform the audience of the characters' personalities, because it's difficult to portray them otherwise in oral styles, and it's been traditional for thousands of years to state whether they are cowardly or brave, and anything in-between.

I would also recommend taking a hard look at your dialogue tags. You have a lot of "boasted", "exclaimed", "blurted", "assured", all of that -- when in this style of storytelling, it would probably be more common to use a tag like "said" to identify the speaker, then describe them. For example, instead of "Vili boasted", you could write "Vili said, puffing his chest out in arrogance".

The reason for this is because, traditionally, "said", "asked", and "shouted" are a lot easier to remember than everything else under the sun. You're going for a mythological style, and while of course you can add your own embellishments, you have to take the genre and voice into account when you're writing these kinds of things. In addition, it can add a lot more weight and credibility to your voice when you stick to some of the smaller traditions.

I think I'm going to stop this review here, because I can go on for five days about oral storytelling and how to adapt it to the page, but I think this is something you need to explore and figure out on your own. I do recommend asking someone to proofread for you, as I mentioned before; more than one person might help even more.

I really did enjoy reading this (even if I couldn't analyze it all the way to the end), and I hope to see you improve! Keep writing!

User avatar
Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review Review · Aug 25, 2015

Hey there! Thanks for requesting a review in my review thread. I'm not at all familiar with Norse mythology, so bear that in mind through the review.

First off, I love the way you tell the beginning of the story. It definitely reads like an old myth, and I can just picture a storyteller sitting by the fire and telling it to a village. It flows very well and is very lyrical.

One thing I would recommend is splitting up the paragraphs a bit - some of them are kind of long, and that can be a bit daunting to readers.

Your other main problem is grammar, specifically commas. You often forget them. I'll just take your first paragraph and show you where the commas should go. Changes are in bold.

Long before time(our time at least), long before the kings and queens of renown, before the sun had ever risen upon our world, before the heroes of old died in glory, before first man and first woman(of the men and women we are descendant of), before everything;, there were other worlds. There was Darkalf Heim and Vana Heim and Midgard, and above all there was Asgard the great residence of the Gods. But even long before these worlds, before Forseti, before Skade, before Freya and Balder, there was just one world and no living souls, not even the Gods of ancient days.


I'm not going to give you a grammar lesson, because I have no idea what you know and don't know, but here's a great grammar resource. It's a list of all the wonderful articles on YWS about grammar: Grammar Articles


Another thing I'd like to address is the little narrator inserts in parenthesis. I like these because they add to the feel of it being a myth, but they're often awkwardly worded. Also, most of them would look better if you used dashes instead of parenthesis. It looks more professional.

Some of the ones I'd tweak:
Long before time(our time at least) long before the kings and queens of renown, before the sun had ever risen upon our world before the heroes of old died in glory before the first man and the first woman(of the men and women we are descendant of) before everything;

Just get rid of the first one - it's not necessary, and "before time" sounds more mysterious. The second one could be changed to just "our ancestors." That's a lot shorter and flows a lot better.

Muspelheim was one world. From end to end as far as the eye could see (if in fact there had been an eye to see) -had there been an eye to see it - there was fire and flames. No day, no night, no darkness, no cool place, simply never ending fire and glowing embers, sparks flew flying higher and higher, higher than the highest mountains and flames licked licking endlessly upon the infinite blackness which surrounded this world. The sound would have been overwhelming [s]-had there been a soul to hear it -

Fixed some grammar and made it less awkwardly worded.

Of course, you don't have to take my word for it on any of those changes - it's up to you. Just read through it a few times to try and catch the awkward parts. Reading it out loud is good for this.



The Story
I really do like the story - it's a good telling of the myth. The one problem I have is that your POV changes halfway through. At first, it's this lovely, lyrical storytelling in omniscient third person, with little dialogue, told like a story round a campfire. But then you change to a close third person, and start adding dialogue and detailed action, and it reads more like a book than a myth. It loses a lot of its charm when you do that. You're good enough at that sort of rich, imagery-filled story-telling that I think you could write the entire story like that and it would be much better. It's up to you, of course, but I would consider re-writing the second half to be more like the first.

I hope this review proved helpful. I enjoyed the story, and definitely learned a lot about Norse mythology. Thanks for writing this, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Thank you very much. I appreciate your thoughts and will keep them in mind as I edit this.

User avatar
LordZeus
Review
LordZeus wrote a review Review · Aug 13, 2015

Wow. That is the First word that comes to my mind aFter reading this. i have read the original norse myths, but this tells it in a much more absorbing way, keeping no the reader occupied with every sentence. There were a few grammatical errors, but all in all, it was really, really good. Now, the old tale can be read as a real story instead of a simple history lesson. One slight flaw, that I felt it had, was that it was a little too long. Maybe if you had broken it up into two, it would have been a little better, and easier to read. But that's only my personal opinion. Still, it is a very, very good work. I can't wait to see more from you! Oh, by the way, have you read Rick Riordan's books? If so, then you should know that the the book he's currently working on is based on the Norse gods. That may be something that you'd be interested in. See my wall for more details about it. Getting back to topic, that was a great work from you, and I will be watching for more like it from you!
-Zeus

I've never read Riordan but now feel beaten to the punch.

Don't be! Rick writes about gods and monsters oF the mythologies o various cultures. and their interactions with humans in the modern times. You wrote about them as they were in the past. Rick has already done Greek and Egyptian mythology already, so its only natural that he turn to Norse now. don't worry he writes about completely different things From you! He's really gr8 though, you should read some of his books!

User avatar
LordZeus
Comment
LordZeus commented Comment · Aug 13, 2015

User avatar
shaon
Comment
shaon commented Comment · Aug 12, 2015

loved the description! never read Norse mythology, before; I man mostly in Greek mythology, but, now I am definitely going to read more of them. very well written, keep up the good work.



We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.
— Ernest Hemingway