VERSE:
You say you hate liars and traitors
I knew you’d lied to me sooner or later
You’re a goddamned hypocrite
But you just lied a little bit
Honey, isn’t that right?
VERSE:
You say you have all of these values
And you like to share them and argue
But you're just pretentious
All for the attention ‘cause
You’re so afraid of being forgotten
CHORUS:
It’s not my fault
That you’re a first-class stuck up snob
And it’s not my fault
That you're alone now, left to rot
It’s not my fault
That there’s no one left to hear
All of your bullshit
What a shame, I could be there
If you’d been just
a little more sincere.
VERSE:
You say I’ve treated you like shit
But what have I done to deserve this?
I’ve been trying all along
But everything went wrong
when you decided to be a bitch
VERSE:
You say that I’m clearly deluded
But who is the crazy and stupid?
I’m not the one who’s been
Pretending everything
So no one would know what I was like
CHORUS
CHORUS
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
hi there
so , first i wanna say i liked your song , it flows very good , and written in a very unique way .
first i'll start with the things i liked ...
1- the starting ...it was realy strong, and rhymy and i liked how you finished it with a question.
You say you hate liars and traitors
I knew you’d lied to me sooner or later
You’re a goddamned hypocrite
But you just lied a little bit
Honey, isn’t that right?
2- the rhythm is good , and i found it in every part of your song .
now for the things i wanna change ..
1-the last two stanza in this part confused me , i didnt understand what you meant by
''everything "
You say that I’m clearly deluded
But who is the crazy and stupid?
I’m not the one who’s been
Pretending everything
So no one would know what I was like
2- i think you forgot about punctuation in some parts .
but in general , you did a great job , so keep writing
This also sounds like something to which I would listen. For some reason, I weirdly like when people aren't afraid to be explicit, so points for that. I'm confused on the line "But who is the crazy and stupid?" -- This is a random piece of advice, but maybe change "pretending" to "faking". I feel like "pretending" makes it seem like it should continued on to say "pretending everything is this or that", but "faking" let's it end easier. If that made sense...
It was pretty good. It seems like a song I would listen to. What genre of music would this be? Personally, since I listen to rock it was more of a rock song to me. For a song, your grammar was great. I just want to point out one thing from the chorus.
"It’s not my fault
That there’s no one left to hear
All of your bullshit
What a shame, I could be here
If you’d been just
a little more sincere."
The last word in the fourth line, 'here', I think would be better if it was changed to 'there'. It's fine how it is, but it flow better if it said 'there' instead. Other than that, it was good song. I wouldn't mind hearing it. *hint hint*
Hey, thank you for the review:) Yes, I think I should change it to "there", thank you
Yeah, i think it definitely would be rock. Unfortunately I don't have the abilities to turn it into a complete piece of music :/
Your welcome. Oh, that's a bit disappointing, but who know maybe one day you will be able to turn it into a complete song. : )
I hope so. Or maybe I'll find someone to do it for me, hehe:)
Exactly. : ]