Published December 4, 2009
The hatchling leaps
Wings flapping desperately
Into the azure sky she climbs
No longer confined to the nest
A life started anew…
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,928 Literary Works • 673,751 Reviews
Hi Emi! I'm Kat, and I'll be doing a very quick review ^.^
So, I really liked this. I've been reviewing some poems lately, and I can say that simplicity is sometimes very good for emotion and some other basic stuff a poem needs. And as this is very simple with spicy language (azure, I love it) it gives a very realistic and easy tone to it. Makes it easy to understand and to read, you know? A very good point.
My only nit-pick with this isn't even a very important one: punctuation. It's something very important in poems, and people tend to forget it. So, please read this and this. Those are some articles that might help you identify the spots on where to put the punctuation, since it isn't necessary everywhere.
So, good job with this! I really liked it. Thanks for posting!
- Kat
I agree that this is a very short poem and therefore difficult to find anything to critisize or to praise. I do like your description of the sky. I love that word, azure. I wish you had expanded on this. Typically, you want to come away from a poem with either something new to ponder on, a renewed interest in something that you've taken for granted, or a feeling of connection with the author. It is very hard to achieve any of this in a mere five lines. Also, I thought it interesting that you ended the poem with a life started anew. I wouldn't think that by leaving the nest, the birds were officially "alive". If this were the case, we wouldn't be considered alive until we leave our parent's house. Perhaps a new chapter is opened?
Keep writing!
Hello Emi. It's a pleasure to review another one of your poems. It's very short, but does that matter? It's the quality that counts. Sometimes the shortest pieces of work can be the best. I only found a few problems with your poem.
^
The transition here seems a little choppy. Maybe you could try adding 'it's' before 'wings.'
Into the azure sky she climbs
^
It might be just me, but I think of gems, and dark blue, when I hear the word 'azure'.
Those are the only problems i found! You're a great poet. Please keep writing.
Hi!
I like your poem - but it's very short! I think you could expand on it a little more.
This is my favorite line. However, young birds don't leave the nest until they've fledged, and I wouldn't call them hatchlings anymore at that point. Change "hatchling" to "fledgeling" and you've got it.
Keep writing,
-Hawks-