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Nursery Rhyme

by EmeraldEyes


Once, a woman was blue.

And she loved to sniff poo!

She wasn't a Smurf;

But when she gave birth,

All of her children were too! 


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175 Reviews


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Reviews: 175

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Fri Sep 12, 2014 9:03 pm
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Harker wrote a review...



Hello, there! Okay, so this is DEFINITELY not the sort of thing I normally review. I'm just going to point out three things about this:

1. "And she loved to sniff poo!" The number of syllables doesn't work with the rest of the poem. Also, it's just plain weird. (And I mean that in the nicest possible way.) :P

2. "Once, a woman was blue." Can you phrase this in a better way?

3. Maybe consider not capitalizing every line? It makes the poem kind of... um... clunky. :/

Anyway, great job! I laughed out loud while I read this--the absurdness makes it really funny. One thing--why is this Lyrical, Fantasy. It should be Humor, right? Your choice. :D

Keep on writing... and I'll keep on laughing!

Yours in jest,

IronSpark




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802 Reviews


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Thu Sep 11, 2014 8:52 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Wow. I don't even know what I should think about this. This should be filed under comedy, it's that funny. :P I'm sure if you wrote this seriously or just for fun, so I'm not going to review it seriously. I like the mention of Smurfs, the last three lines fit together really well and the beat is spot on. My only nit pick is the line about poo- it doesn't fit in with everything else. I've put all the one syllable 'oo' words below for you to make a different line with...

Spoiler! :
beu, bleu, blew, blue, boo, breaux, brew, brue, chew, chiu, choo, chou, chough, chu, clue, coo, cou, coup, coups, crew, crewe, cue, deux, dew, do, doo, douwe, drew, dru, du, due, ewe, few, flew, flu, flue, foo, frew, frueh, fu, glew, glue, gnu, goo, graue, grew, grewe, gu, gue, hew, hewe, hoo, hou, houx, hsu, hu, hue, hugh, jew, joo, ju, jue, jus, kew, khoo, khuu, knew, koo, ku, kyu, leu, lew, lieu, liu, loo, lou, louw, loux, lu, lue, mew, moo, mu, new, nu, ooh, oooh, ou, peugh, pew, phew, phu, plew, plue, poo, pooh, pou, prew, pru, prue, prugh, pshew, pu, pugh, q, q., qu, que, queue, rew, rhew, rhue, rioux, roux, ru, rue, schewe, schoo, schou, schue, schuh, screw, shew, shiu, shoe, shoo, shrew, shu, shue, siew, sioux, skew, slew, soo, sough, spew, sprue, stew, strew, stu, stuewe, su, sue, tew, thew, threw, through, thru, thuy, to, treu, trew, trieu, true, tsu, tu, tue, two, u, u., uwe, view, vous, vu, vue, whew, who, woo, wu, xu, xue, yew, yoo, you, yu, yue, zhou, zhu, zoo, zue.

So just change that line and this will be a nice children's poem. :)




silverpen243 says...


ummmmmmm check the l words once



jazzydracula says...


Huh?



EmeraldEyes says...


Yes, I am confused by that as well.




If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
— Mark Twain