Lucem videret

Hello there Em! Dogs here with your review today. Ok, let me start with a WELCOME TO YWS! I hope you enjoy your time here, if you ever need any help or a review or anything let me know and I'd be happy to comply. Ok, now on to ze review. To start you have a good piece, although as I read this it seems to be more like a speech than a poem. Reason being is because you have such amazing imagery and writing style, but the lines are far too long for a poem. I think in every single line you should at least cut it into two different lines, or in some cases three. So with the first stanza, try saying:

"Dark is the night,
the harsh frosts reach out and restrain me
and darkness is sight,
and sight is blind, and I am blind.
solitude my love, solitude my loyal friend,
in solitude I trust
energy is darkness, vitality is cold,
verve raids our sights and veils
the blanket of obscurity upon unseeing eyes"

Something along those lines. It just looks better and reads smoother. Furthermore, there are several times where there are some grammar errors. Typically at the end of some of your original lines there should be a period or a comma if there isn't one already. It breaks up the flow, in my opinion, without them.

Also, I'm not quite sure why you decided to write this in italics. It doesn't seem to add anything and seems unnecessary. Just out of curiosity there from me.

Finally, your excellent wording and imagery starts to lose its effect near the end of your writing because you start to sound repetitive. Especially with the constant repetition of "night" and "dark." If you ever find you repeating yourself, try looking up that word in a thesaurus and use a synonym. It really helps trust me.

All and all a good piece that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Let me know if you ever need a review or help. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Well hello there... have no fear, Bandit is here! And she's come to review your lovely poem. Now, let's start off with the first impression (I'll sugarcoat things just a little bit). First off, I didn't think this was much of a poem. A poem is usually short, but with hidden messages, simple, but contrastingly gorgeous and beautiful at the same time. You get my drift? This could do with a bit of trimming around the edges, and then some cutting out.

The second was that this was a bit repetitive. Even before I read the poem, I scanned it a bit, got an idea of what I was going to be dealing with, and the first thing that popped out to me several times was the word "night". I'm thinking this was intentional at this point, but before that, I couldn't be sure, so it's a bit... irritating. There are others words for night, and there are certainly more symbolic things.

Now, onto the positives. (Who doesn't like a nice compliment here and there, huh? Crazy people, that's who.)

I thought the message was very nice. Love is a well-weathered subject in the hands of poetry, and you've managed to do a semi-decent job with this. You described. You came. You conquered. You lyric-ed. Well, sort of. Yes, yes, your details were nice, outstanding, even. Your words flowed. It was graceful like a pretty little ballerina, but sometimes the most complicated of moves can be too much, you hear me? But I promised compliments, so we'll stray to that later.

Next, I really enjoyed the way you grouped this up. You didn't make it all once big mumble-jumble mess of words, no you grouped it up, and you made it readable. I can skip from one line to the next, see which stanza I was looking for, no fuss, no muss. Some people cannot do this. It's a well-acquired skill.

Now, now, onto the negatives of this group. As I said, this poem is a bit much. As my first impression mentioned, it's too big of a bite. You need to give us small spoonfuls, small little nibbles of this poem, and your writing, and your skill. And if you wanna overpower us with your awesomeness, go ahead! But do it in story form. Because a poem is no place for overpowering awesomeness. A poem is a place for magical beauty that always surprises everyone, no matter how many poems they've read.

And I've racked through this a few times, went through it with a fine-toothed comb, and didn't manage to find anything to gripe about any more, other than a few grammatical errors, that won't harm anyone. Everyone makes mistakes, and you're no exception, so don't sweat it, my dear.

All in all, this was a wonderful poem, and I'm very glad to have read it. Great job, many applause, and I'm looking forward to reading more from you in the very near future! For now, adieu, good day!

~Bandit

Here to review!

My name is Omniyus, and I will be reviewing this fabulous piece of work for you today, so bear with me! So here we go!

For night is night, and day is night, and life is night,
and darkness is sight, and sight is blind, and I am blind.

what is this divine light, that enchanted dear light that shines upon me

wow. so powerful , it just sucks you into the story .. thank you for making my day better with this amazing poem <3