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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
These are two poems, facing each other, one written in 2025 when I was watching the sunset in Zambia, and the other written exactly a year later while watching the sunset at home. Here are the texts:
Spoiler
What begins will end,
What breathes will die,
Whoever loves will grow old.
Those born blind will never see;
Until their last day, when they see the faces on the stars,
And notice the tears streaming down,
melting into the clouds.
Those born with sight will die,
Filled with emptiness and adventure;
Never existing, forever, always falling through the stars,
A bird with no wings, a sunset with no end,
An artist with no talent,
who must drown in their own inadequacies.
This is all mine, this is all that I feel,
My forever.
Passion ruined only by death.
Death ruined only by a sunrise,
a gust of wind carried by the next bird
who dares to fly alone, who becomes a star.
What begins will end,
What bleeds will run dry,
Whoever hates will die young, forever a star.
-
Most people like to watch the sunset,
With their eyes focused on the sky, changing from
Bright blue to every shade of orange, pink, and yellow imaginable.
But I like to turn the other way,
Watching the newly birthed darkness as it takes its first steps.
Every rock and tree still visible, because of the dying light,
Still, the darkness feels like she is rocking me.
It is so easy to make so much more or less of life
Through the words I share in a poem,
But for once, this is all mine, this is all that I feel,
This is all I will ever remember and be.
Who I am during this sunset will never live again.
As all of the light leaves the sky, the cold air feels warmer than the sun ever was.
As everyone else watches the sunset,
I scream everything into nothing, part of my heart breaks, something dead inside is finally set free.
It leaves with the dying light, only to haunt me when the sun comes again.
I watch the darkness as it wraps me in a tight embrace.
Finally, someone who knows exactly how I feel.
Someone who is my forever.
If you leave a review, I am curious to see which poem you think was written first and why, as well as what the most noticeable changes are
These two poems are very different, but at the same time the contrast seems to balance out. One is more negative, thinking about how all things will end someday; while the other takes a more positive tone, considering the loveliness of the darkness that comes in after the sun sets. I like that a lot, how there are almost multiple meanings in these twin poems and how even though they have different origins and are about different things, they still fit together so well.
If I had to guess, I'd say that the poem on the left was written first and the poem on the right written later.
I have no idea which was written first, because I’m all too familiar with weird writing patterns. I wrote a chapter of my budding novel entirely backwards for the most part just last night. I started with a fun line near the end, finished up the chapter, and then started going backwards line for line, just envisioning what action or line of dialogue would trigger such a response and so on and so forth.
the true form of the titular Mocking Stars
It turned out excellently and read as if I’d planned the whole thing in a linear manner from the start, even though I hadn’t at all.
So I won’t bother trying to play that futile game, but nice bait! Haha.
Anyway, this gave me chills; sincerely. I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten chills from reading work on this website before, or at least if I have it was over a decade ago. But this piece definitely gave me chills.
I love how the titular phrase is entirely reinterpreted and made to represent a wholly different emotion between the two poems, whichever came first.
I love the continuation of “passion ruined only by death, death ruined only by a sunrise”.
I wonder if you’ve listened to The Mocking Stars by lausse the cat, because I was certainly heavily reminded of it and
Spoiler
“the darkness feels like she is rocking me” is such a lovely image. Such a comforting image.
And despite having the dreaded-and-glorified-on-the-righthand-side hate in their heart, the leftmost poet found the most happiness all the same. Sometimes you need a little hate, for things that deserve some hatred. “I scream everything into nothing…”
Beautiful duet of poems. Thank you for posting it.
Well that is the thing about randomness: You can literally be the next thing that gets chosen =D
Hi Ellie! As promised, let me look at your poems (I read the questions first, but not the spoiler!) I just have to say I find the idea of working in a faraway foreign country like you did with Zambia really fascinating! Before reading, my thought about which one is written first will be the one on the left side btw. Just noting that down for furture reference. Left side usually speaks to being first in languages that read left to right like German or English after all ^^
So leftside first:
I kinda like the contest of the ones being born blind will see in the end VS those that always have sight die with emptiness. As if in the final moment, the blind ones get to have one thing that has been missing. I'm not sure if that is what you meant but I always go on weird tangents when it comes to poems so hear me out: what abt ppl who are born blind but then technology comes out and gives them sight. OK. I see myself out. I mean I will continue reading.
Rereading, it doesnt actually say that those born blind will see in the end. Just that they see faces in the stars which could mean a number of things. It's just what I interpret.
Oww I can feel the line about an artist with no talent, drowning in mediocrity. But I do usually like the idea that talent is just one thing. That even without talent, you can produce great things if you only put enough work in them.
I am starting to think that the left side cannot be the poem you wrote in Zambia. That's a sunny place, how can you think so existential and kinda sad things when you are in eternal summer? =D But then again, maybe it was a very desert-y place you've been. I can find Zambia on a map but I actually have no idea what the landscape is like ^^°
Onto poem on the right!
....see this is why I am so bad at poems. The right side explains the left side. As in, the talk about death and stuff can be a metaphor for the sunrise itself, and the day night cycle and the shifting colours and the right side spells this out. Which might also be a clue on that this is the older poem?
Hm I feel like the "because of the dying light" kinda overloads its corresponding line, for me?
I honestly really like both poems. As someone who has no clue about poetry, I would think now that the right-side poem is the older one. I like the discussion on "you will never be the same person as you were yesterday" so eloquently told on the right. I think this is also what the left-side does but hidden behind implications that sometimes go over my head
Ooops I should have read everything through, the spoiler is just the text of the poem not the reveal =D
PS: I think I used three different spellings on rightside/leftside here and I have no clue which one is correct ^^°
First of all, hi, I feel like i almost never see your works. Also, ITS BEEN A YEAR ALREADY? Lol I feel like you were just hyping that trip up.
Ummm. Heh. It's hard to express the way the poem on the right resonated with me. I have always had such deep enamoring over sunsets and sunrises. And I never know how to share it because it feels so deep within the core of my being, like no one else could ever understand or experience like I do and so I dont bother to try.
Funnily enough, one of my first poems on yws was called Sunsets. It got like 16 likes and I couldnt believe all the attention. But even this morning I was going to pick up donuts for my team as the sun rose and it's like this addiction for those few minutes of blazing glory between the suspense of the rise and fall of the sun. And then I always love to look the other way, to see the pinks and deep purples that reflect like forgotten friends.
And then when the sky begin to turn deep blue and ombre up into the stars I am hypnotized once again. And you've captured all of this so perfectly, and I never thought I would see something so pinpoint accurate to how I feel.
And this is to say nothing of the second poem which is so picturesque and accurate in describing our human condition of creation and struggle. But in some comical way, though perhaps a deeper poem on some fronts, it pales in comparison to the way my chest and heart and whole body feel when reading about the beauty of a sunset. Free artwork from God, new each day and never the same twice. Words rarely touch me so deeply. Thank you <3
~Messy
Thank you very much for this lovely review!
hello! it’s catsz here to leave a review! i’ll try my best to give feedback, even if im not that good. hope you enjoy!! let’s dive into it!
this structure is very unique! for me it shows the perspective of two minds, or two parts of the mind that are clashing.
the left side is so hauntingly tragic (in the best way). it’s so beautiful too as well. th description of the bird and the sun is like i have no words!! we can tell this side is more tragic, like it has seen a lot. it’s peaceful and tranquil, such a beautiful poem to read. my favorite part is the second last paragraph! “passion ruled only by death.” not only does it makes sense, it triggers a stunning part of me.
the right side is more happier, in a way. it turns away from calming sunsets and likes watching the darkness.
woah.
it’s so good. i honestly love it. this sides more hopeful than the other, and instead of thinking all about death, it thinks about a part of them that had been set free.
the darkness can symbolize so many things. someone who is always there for them. someone who makes their day better.
for me, i think the left side was written first, because it is more tragic, and i think more people will read that side first, then the more hopeful side for left to give off that peaceful feeling to the reader after they are done. the most notable changes are that one side focuses on the bad things (but it is said in a saddening way) and the other side is more positive and focuses more on the good things they find.
love you!
Happy Writing and Happy Reviewing!!
~catsz and her world class cat domination plan
Thank you so much!! I appreciate this review!
ofccccc i%u2019m glad!
Stumbled upon this poem and I just had to highlight these two parts. They feel like ephemeral moments, yet also like statements written in stone. beautiful <3
Thank you so much <3333 I really appreciate it!!