Brown dirt caught in the pads of my paws, staining the black fur. My bushy red and white tail was held straight out behind me, almost like a proud banner, as I walked through the forest. "Vixen?" A high-pitched voice called from above. I stopped in my tracks and looked up, catching a glimpse of the blue feathers of Jane, a young blue jay.
"Yes, Jane?" Rolling my eyes, I lowered my narrow muzzle and continued sauntering.
"I was only saying hello!" The shrill and obnoxious voice of the blue jay complained, a sassy aura coming about her. I stopped once more, although this time it was a bit more abrupt, and curled my tail over my back, putting on one of my many smirks.
"Hello, little bird. How are you?"
She seemed satisfied, puffing out her small, fragile chest. ”I'm doing well, thank you."
I took a few paw steps closer. "Very good to hear. Have you began hunting for worms?"
Her small black eyes shined with distaste, and she ruffled her feathers. "Good heavens no! I can't stand those flimsy monstrosities! I much prefer berries."
"Very nice, very nice." I murmured, coming closer and flexing my shoulder muscles. "Tell me, little bird, why do you not come down to talk with me? We are friends, are we not?"
She thought nothing of my offer, and with a light flutter of her wings, she flew to the ground. "You're very kind, Vixen. I do not understand why my mother thinks you are such a dreadful lady."
"I have no idea why she would think such a horrid thing!" I set myself on the ground in a crouch, keeping my forest eyes on the little bird.
"So, you foxes hunt?" It was more of a statement than a question, but she tilted her head at me, as if awaiting an answer.
I narrowed my eyes, keeping my devilish smirk. "We do indeed. Curious thing for a tiny one like you to be wondering about."
She shied her itty-bitty head, pointing it towards the new growing grass. "I only asked, since you asked about the worms..."
"Oh, it's quite alright, little bird.” I paused, looking at the ground in front of her for a moment. "Why! I declare, do you see that?" I twisted my voice with shock and amazement, now staring at the oblivious Jane.
"What, what!? I don't see anything!" Her tiny black eyes flitted back and forth on the ground.
"It's truly right there!" I stalked forward, my face now one of focus.
"I think I--" Jane's birdy noises were cut off, and her body went limp. I moved my paw from the broken remains of her spine, and gently picked the little bird up. With a quick and quiet sigh, I continued my walk, now heading home.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Um, alright.
At first I thought they were friends, considering that the fox was annoyed with the bird coming to talk to her. Because normally that's how a story is, there are two friends and they are just in an argument. But no! 
And some time in the middle I was getting suspicious about the fox. But at the very end, it still surprised me.
).
I'm glad you're able to write about the reality of prey and predator. Most young people now a days think a lion can befriend an antelope and live happily ever after.
Anyway, your writing is really great, considering only being 13 (which is my age
Keep writing! Bye!
~ BookWolf
This story is so sad, but it captures the reality of the world. A lot of nursery rhymes make animals sound like best friends rather than predator and prey. I like that you made it realistic. I think you should make the last part a little bit more detailed, because at first I didn't even realize what the fox was doing. Also, I think you should make the story a bit longer. Otherwise, this is great!
Thank you for your advice! I'll definitely hold on to it!
Hey there! Here is my review!
Oh, and welcome to YWS! I see you're thirteen, and I'm actually thirteen too! It's great to find other people my age on this site!
I'd just like to start out by saying... WOW. It's interesting to see a story from the point of view of a fox, and I enjoyed reading it a lot. Right from the beginning, I knew Vixen was out looking for prey like Jane. It was quite well-written, how you conveyed Vixen's intent without directly saying anything about it. Your writing style is so elegant and professional, and I think it fit the tone of the story really well. Your use of description was quite good as well.
I didn't find many grammar or spelling errors, so yay for that!
I did find one that stood out, though.
"Very nice, very nice." I murmured, coming closer and flexing my shoulder muscles.
I don't know if you're aware of it or not, but this sentence is incorrect. I just want to point this out now so you know what to do next time you're writing something.
What's wrong with this sentence is that you cannot have a period in dialogue if you're writing who is saying it. If you look in various novels with dialogue, whenever a character, John for example, says a sentence ending in a period, you have to end it with a comma.
So it should actually be:
"Very nice, very nice," I murmured, coming closer and flexing my shoulder muscles.
By using a comma, it shows that this is one whole sentence, including the dialogue. If you end the dialogue with a period like you did originally, then it's almost like randomly and abruptly splitting one sentence into two. I hope you understand what I'm trying to get across... I'm not that good at explaining things like this sometimes haha.
Overall, I think was a wonderful piece of work! You gripped the reader right away. Good job! Keep writing!
~R
It's great to meet you! Thank you so much for your review, and be sure to keep your advice and help in mind.
WOW! Are you really 13?? Your words reflect someone who is very mature. Your description of every moment was beautiful. You were actually able to build up intensity in such short time so bravo to that. I'm very much fond of the way you laid emphasis upon the detailing of the movements and expressions. What I feel is that your mind is pretty open to things and that's good it will help you a lot in your future works. I'm only guessing here but i think you drew inspiration from a pretty similar story that I'm not able to recall. But then of course that's only my guess. I still can't believe you're just 13! If you are then you really have a lot of time to polish your skills. Read a lot of stories or even plays and watch good movies from where you can learn who to be creative. The more you gather the more you better yourself. Keep up the good work and i hope to see more of your work. With time and effort i'm sure you'll be an excellent writer. Cheers! And again, loved this story.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!