Young Writers Society

I wrote this for an afterschool thing I'm doing and I just wanted to share it because it is funny to me and I hope you enjoy.

SKIT FOR DI

By Elizabeth Mathers, Alex Lucier and Janelle Townley

Character List:

Place Your Bets Guy (PYBG): Elizabeth Mathers

Ryan (RYAN): Ryan Anderson

The Lady/Man in the ’05 Clothing (‘05C): Janelle Townley

Peanut Dude (PD): Alex Lucier

Commercial Lady (CL): Kaitlyn Parker

PLACE YOUR BETS

Place Your Bets Guy (PYBG)

Ryan (RYAN)

PYBG:

(Walks onto stage wearing a hat [maybe] and a trench-coat [maybe or a brown coat] waving tickets around) Place your bets! Come on and place your bets! Don’t be shy and place your bets, this is gonna be one good race so hurry, hurry, hurry and place your bets now!

RYAN:

(Walks over to PYBG) Yeah, I’d like to place a bet on ’05. (Hands over some money and gets a ticket)

PYBG:

Why do you wanna waste your money on racecar ’05?

RYAN:

Oh, I dunno, maybe it’s ‘cause it’s the only car on the track!

PYBG:

OK, you don’t gotta yell at me for asking questions! I like to question-tise!

RYAN:

… What? Dude, I think you’ve been around the car fumes way too long.

PYBG:

I’ve worked here so long that I know, only car on the track or not, it’s gonna lose! It’ll probably have a flat or the crazy fan will attack it…

RYAN:

… OK …

PYBG:

(Steps closer and says): Just between you and me, that driver over there (Points to one of the drivers) , I think they have an obsession with shirts just like yours so I’d watch out as well, they might try to steal it, you know?

RYAN:

OK, I’ll take your word for that. Um, I’m going to go over here (Points and walks away)

(RYAN walks away and says): Weirdo…

PYBG:

Come place your bets! Come place them right here! (Walks around)

The Lady/Man in the ’05 Clothing

Place Your Bets Guy (PYBG)

Lady/Man in the ’05 Clothing (‘05C)

PYBG:

I’m not attracting customers… maybe if I begin to yell in French!!!

(In French): Placez vos paris! Placez vos paris! (Growls) Venez sur des personnes! Allons!

‘05C:

(Walks up to PYBG and screams): I am so excited! I’m all excited! This race is so EXCITING!!!

PYBG:

Whoa, chill out! Excited about the race?

‘05C:

Yes! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I am SO EXCITED ABOUT THE RACE!!! YAH-HOO!!!

PYBG:

(Grabs ‘05C and shakes them) Do you want to place a BET or are you gonna keep on being LOUD?!?

‘05C:

I want to do BOTH!!!

PYBG:

OK, (Let’s go of ‘05C) How much you gonna bet on that trash-car? (Shuffles deck)

‘05C:

Racecar ’05 isn’t trash! If it was then I’d adore it!

PYBG:

(Stops shuffling) And that one guy told me that I was insane from the fumes…

‘05C:

OK, so now I would like to place my bet if you don’t mind PLEASE!!!

PYBG:

OK SHUT UP!!! How much will it be then?

‘05C:

(Reaches into pockets) I’d like to bet $100,000, do you accept cash? (Inside pockets are a whole bunch of dollar bills. ‘05C throws them at PYBG.)

PYBG:

(PYBG stares with mouth wide open. Falls over onto the ground)

(Sits back up and says slurred): Tank ye fur ya hos-pi-ta-ma-ta-lity

(Thank you for your hospitality)

(Falls back over)

‘05C:

Uh … Are you OK? (Nudges with foot. Then they shrug, take a ticket and walk away.)

(BREAK! ONCE EVERYBODY IS READY WE WILL START!! NO LONGER THAN 1 MINUTE!!!)

Peanut Dude

Peanut Dude (PD)

Ryan (RYAN)

PD:

(Walks onto stage holding a tray and wearing an apron and hat shouting):

Peanuts! Buy Peanuts! (Bag keep falling out of the tray)

RYAN:

Hey, I would like some peanuts!

PD:

OK! (Walks right up to Ryan, tosses peanuts at Ryan’s face or stomach [NOT TO HARD!])

RYAN:

(Falls over) What the heck?

PD:

(Looks at Ryan strangely) O-o-o-o-o-o-o-K … Peanuts! Buy my peanuts! (Sighs) …You know… my shouting isn’t attracting customers… Maybe I should try shouting in French!

(In French): Achetez mes arachides! Allons! Allons!

(Walks away from RYAN)

RYAN:

(Gets back up and says angrily): I would like some peanuts, but this time hand them to me!

PD:

… Ha-hand them to you? What does this “Hand them to you” mean? (Scratches head)

RYAN:

It means you walk over to me and put the bag of peanuts in my hand instead of tossing them in my face OK?

PD:

(Shakes all over, picks up a bag, walks over to RYAN) I’m going to do this…

RYAN:

(Sticks hand out) You can do it, it’s so easy!

PD:

(Puts bag of peanuts atop of RYAN’S hand) REFLEX!!! (Tosses bag of peanuts at RYAN)

RYAN:

Ouch! (Falls over)

Commercial

Place Your Bets Guy (PYBG)

Commercial Lady (CL)

Peanut Dude (PD)

PYBG:

(Sits up suddenly) And now, a word from the sponsors! (Falls back over)

CL:

Butter Mellow Peanuts, the official and best peanuts for the ’05 racecar! Butter Mellow Peanuts, grown in the sunniest places in Alaska. Butter Mellow Peanuts, nature’s popcorn, without the pop… or the corn…!

PD:

(Shouts in confusion): BUTTER MELLOW PEANUTS??? BUT I SELL PEP-PO-MINTO PEANUTS!!! (Growls)

(Mumbles angrily): How DARE you… (Throws the peanut tray on the ground and stomps on it. PD walks and PRETENDS to step on PYBG)

PYBG:

Oof! Watch it you … person! (Looks at CL) What’s his problem?

CL:

I don’t KNOW!

PYBG:

How’s the weather up there?

CL:

It’s GOOD!

PYBG:

Why do you talk like that? (Sits up)

CL:

I do not KNOW! I am terribly SORRY!

PYBG:

Can you try to stop talking like THIS?

CL:

I don’t KNOW!

PYBG:

Well… if you need me, I’ll be right down here. (Lays back down)

The Song

Place Your Bets Guy (PYBG)

Ryan (RYAN)

The Lady/Man in the ’05 Clothing (‘05C)

Peanut Dude (PD)

Commercial Lady (CL)

PYBG:

(Stands up and brushes self off) Hey, how about we all sing a little song?

(Everybody is chanting “Yes”)

PYBG:

Eh hem… mi mi mi… OK!

“Here we go around the corner; there we go around the corner!

Round and round and round that corner!

I wish I could drive racecar ’05!”

PYBG; RYAN:

“”

PYBG; RYAN;’05C:

“”

PYBG; RYAN;’05C; PD:

“”

PYBG; RYAN;’05C; PD; CL:

“Here we go around the corner; there we go around the corner!

Round and round and round that corner!

I wish I could drive racecar ’05! Go-o-o-o-o-o-o ’05!”

Ending

Everybody throws roses’ onto the stage and cheers at the very end.

THE END