But! I’m back with That Boy part 3! This is Madalynn’s POV after she talks with Mollie about Jay. Also, before you read this part, make sure you read the other parts before this please! I don't want everyone to be confused to what's going on. Just please read the first parts before you read this. Buuut anyway, enjoy!
Part 3:
My eyes follow them all the way down the street, hand in hand, until they turn left at the corner.
Wow. I didn’t think Jay would have asked Mollie out. He really truly has left me. When Mollie told me the news, I was truly happy for her; Jay’s a great guy. But it took all of my willpower and strength to make it seem like he was great for her. Yeah, Mollie’s my friend, but… look at her. Do you think an awesome and handsome guy like Jay deserves Mollie ? No, he doesn’t. But it’s his choice, I guess.
Look at me, standing alone on the street watching one of my friends take away my first love. Now I’m really just a girl who has no love life anymore. I used to have one, but… Mollie ruined it.
Why am I still her friend if she ruins my life all the time? She stole and took credit for my really moving quote in English class that I had took a long time to come up with. She got an A+ on it while I got a C because I had to think of another one at the last minute. She makes me look bad in front of every guy we come across, making them give me weird and dirty looks while she got smiles and whistles. All of those times, I had forgiven her and said, “Whatever.” But I can’t forgive her for cutting through my love life. I’m pretty sure Jay was the only person in the world who would actually willingly like me and date me.
Mollie knew that. As soon as she laid eyes on him when he first met her, she had always acted strange. After the secret date incident, she acts like nothing even happened. She would always ask, “So, are you doing anything with Jay tonight?” Of course I would say no, because he never texts or calls or talks to me at school. After my sad answer, she would smile secretly through her eyes. I saw it. She was doing something, and I felt like it was against me.
I still feel it. All the time. Like a dark presence envelops her every time I look into her eyes. I don’t know what she’s doing, but I think it has to do with me and Jay. I know her, and the way she looks and acts with Jay is not like how she looks and acts with other guys.
I don’t think my social life could get any better, with a “great” friend who probably made Jay leave me. Now even he has left me for her.
I shake my head, a weird feeling stirring in my stomach. Is it sadness? Jealousy? No. It’s not that. It’s… Resentment.
*****
“Hey Madalynn. Good job on that race out there.” I look up from my thoughts and focus on the person who just talked to me. Ugh. I’m really not in the mood for this right now.
I force a smile. “Thanks.”
“I’m Spencer, by the way,” He says, putting his hand in front of me to shake.
I shake his uncomfortably. Why are people suddenly talking to me? I wasn’t given this much attention since… Well, since never. Just because I won the race and got a record time for our team doesn’t mean I could get more attention. Well… Maybe I do want the attention. Yeah. It feels good to have some attention again.
“Madalynn?”
My wondering thoughts snap back to reality. I realize I’m still holding Spencer’s hand. I pull back my hand immediately, feeling my face turn warm. “Sorry… I was just… Thinking, that’s all.” His eyebrows shoot up, unconvinced. He sees I’m upset about something. “Oh, what about? If there’s anything you need to talk to me about, just say the word,” Spencer says.
What? Am I someone who looks like I have problems or something? Okay, I do have problems, but I make sure I don’t show it to anyone. Only the people who know me best can see when I’m not okay. Right now, it’s Jay and Mollie who could see it. But Spencer? I just met the guy, and he seems to already be able to see right through me, unlike everyone else I just meet. I guess that means I could trust him. Hopefully.
I see Spencer’s light blue eyes giving out a worried expression. I realize he’s waiting for an answer. I internally slap myself for spacing out again in front of Spencer. Now he thinks I’m a weird person who doesn’t answer to your comments and questions.
Quickly, I nod. “Okay,” I say, forcing a somewhat reassuring grin to him. He smiles back, and then turns his head around to a group of guys calling his name. He waves a small wave with his hand saying to come over here.
Oh great…More people to meet.
He turns back to me. I guess he sees my uncomfortable reaction. “Hey, you want to meet my friends? Don’t worry; they don’t bite…” He pauses, leans closer to me, and cups his hand over one side of his mouth. “…most of the time,” he whispers. At that I giggle a little bit, earning a grin from Spencer.
Spencer’s friends come over to where we’re standing, shoving each other playfully and laughing. One guy says to me, “Hey, you’re that girl who won the race, right?”
“Yep. That’s me.”
“You were so fast I felt your wind all the way from the benches! How do you run so fast?” Another guy exclaims. I smile. Hah. They really don’t bite (most of the time); they bring light to a dark time. I shrug. “I guess you need to have the magic,” I say, instantly feeling better when I genuinely grin smugly. We all laugh.
This feels good. It feels good to feel like you’re a part of something. Even though I just met these goofy guys, they make me feel important. Nobody but Jay has been able to make me feel this way. Not even Mollie and her friends; everyone actually just laughs and listens to Mollie talk the whole entire time. I would have said something, but Mollie always cuts me off. So I don’t talk at all. That results in a “why are you so quiet, Madalynn?” from Mollie. Well, I wonder why! It’s just another reason to wonder why I’m still friends with them.
No… They’re not my friends anymore.
*****
“Do you need a ride?” A voice asks me. I take away my phone from my ear. My parents aren’t answering, and my sister is probably off in her own world at the music store.
She works at Music Madness-a music store- and she always listens to music, blocking out everything including customers sometimes. One time, I was watching the store with her and sitting next to her. Her headphones were on and I had asked her a question. When she didn’t answer, I had turned to her and said her name. Really loud. She looked oblivious to all of my noisiness and just stared off into space. So I doubt she would answer her phone now.
I turn around, looking through the darkness to which the voice belonged to. Sitting quite comfortably on the curb, I see Spencer watching me with his bright blue eyes. I didn’t think he was still here. All of the guys just left and I thought Spencer went with them. I don’t want to ask how long he’s been there.
“Um… Yeah actually, I think I do need a ride. My parents and my sister aren’t answering their phones and I don’t have a car yet and I’ve been waiting for my parents to come and pick me up for a while now.” I stop myself there. I was now rambling horribly.
He nods and simply says, “Follow me.” He gets up and starts walking. I obey. We walk in silence through the darkness, the only light the occasional light post to guide us. I hope he’s taking me home. I don’t want to have to wait for a longer time. I was already standing there on the sidewalk for more than half an hour.
We stop at a red pickup truck, which I assume is Spencer’s car. Spencer hops in, and I follow. While we drive out of the parking lot in silence, “Sorry” is all I am able to blurt out. He shrugs. “I don’t mind. I was wondering who that person was standing in the dark. I was helping clean up at the track before. I came closer to see who it was and I saw it was you, pacing back and forth with your phone pressed to your ear. Figured you needed a ride.”
“Oh. Thanks, then.”
“It’s not a problem, Madalynn,” He says. My name coming out of his mouth sounds so smooth and flowing. I like it when he says my name.
“So do we turn left or right here?” He asks me at a stop sign.
“Left,” I reply.
While we drive and I often tell him where to go, we chat about school and sports and family. Turns out he’s in my math and science classes; I never noticed him. He’s a basketball player; I’m a runner. He has two brothers and one sister; I have one sister. Although we are different, our personalities complement each other and we get along pretty well. It’s nice to know I have one friend.
I don’t know if Jay is a friend… Is he? He knows about Mollie’s not so friendly actions, and I know he doesn’t like her. So why does he suddenly ask her out? Was he faking to be my boyfriend and just used me to get to Mollie? I mentally shake away that unsettling thought. He told me he loves me. Now he doesn’t even look at me. ...Wow… he did use me. Now that he has Mollie, I doubt he will even know I exist. But I just can’t stop loving him. I love him with all of my heart, even though he doesn’t love me back anymore.
At least I’ve got Spencer to talk to, right?
When we pull up at my house, I tell him thanks and wave as he drives away. I think I have feelings for Spencer. I know, I just met him, but in that short amount of time we had with each other, I know he could trust me and I could trust him.
I’m so confused; should I live in the past and still love Jay, or should I move on and like Spencer now? My mind is going crazy. I get inside the house and run up to my bedroom. I collapse onto the bed and get comfortable.
I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.
A/N: So, what did you think? Please review! It makes me happy, whether its praise or criticism! My sister asked to be in a story, so the part about my sister was actually true, but she doesn’t work at a music store. Thanks for reading!
Ohkay! Good work here, sadly it isn't original and I read stories like this all the time, but it was well written and interesting (That counts for a lot!)
Grammar:
Your grammar was really pretty good, you have a couple of spots were you crammed two paragraphs together, two people saying something!
Style:
Your style is good, though there is virtually no description on surroundings. You write in first person very well. Might I advise you however not to change personalities. When using first person that doesn't really work. At all. Otherwise, good job here too!
Plot:
Due to the number of stories oddly similar to this one I can pretty well predict what's going to be happening here! That's never a good thing in a story! Readers should be surprised! But don't get let down that's okay, I can only predict so much, and most readers probably won't be able to predict what I can.
Remember though: if you want a great book, you need originality of some kind. Something totally new! You need to show your readers that, keep them glued to your book till three in the morning!
Characters:
Your characters are good, believable people, with emotions well portrayed! They're also interesting nice people. Good guys! I enjoy being inside Madalynn's mind!
Overall! I can't believe that a twelve year old wrote this! I mean, I'd say this is as good (if not better than) my writing. And I'm years older than 12!
Nice work!
Keep writing!
~Black~
Thanks so much! I was kinda having trouble about the story being so cliche but I'm really trying to make it original. Thank you so much, your review helped me a lot!
( I was wondering who that person was standing in the dark. I was helping clean up at the track before. I came closer to see who it was and I saw it was you, pacing back and forth with your phone pressed to your ear. Figured you needed a ride.”) I am not quite sure I know what you are doing here it might be better to write ("I was helping clean up at the track then I saw a shape moving in the darkness so .I moved closer and saw that it was you, pacing back and forth with your phone pressed close up to your ear. Figured you deeded a ride").
(I collapse onto the bed and get comfortable.) It sounds like she just went wham and then she is feeling comfortable maybe you could put this there(I collapse on my bed and after a bit I start to feel more comfortable).
Hmm its nice and big and interesting let me know when you put out the next piece but I am not sure if this is another peace of the other book you wrote or not .
Keep Writing and good luck.
Thanks.
I'll let you know when I post the next part.