Young Writers Society

Hi! This is a good start for a song! I totally get the feeling of not wanting to forget good memories, especially those about a friend. I do have some pointers from a fellow songwriter:

1. Spelling

I hate to be nitpick-y, but I noticed a lot of spelling errors. Spelling is important if you ever want to publish your lyrics or put them out there; if you pay attention to it and the like, people will take you songs more seriously. So here are the errors I found, and their corrections:

to gather- together
youst- used
giddied- not sure what this means or if it's an error, maybe look for a synonyms so audiences will understand it better.
sole- soul
dole- nice rhyme, but I don't know what it means. I suggest clarifying with context or finding a synonym, if you want
me- my
for ever- forever
wined- rewind/ wind (whatever sounds better)
a live- alive
diss a pear- disappear
no- know
for get- forget

2. Phrasing and Stuff

Some of your wording is a little wonky. For example, "memories," is a plural improper noun. This means that you would put "those" instead of "this" before it, which you've done frequently. That also means that you wouldn't capitalize it unless it's at the beginning of the sentence. In other words, treat it like you would treat any other noun.

Also, consider rephrasing "when we still and those memories alive." What are you trying to say? "When we and these memories were still alive,"? However, that phrasing might imply that you are a ghost singing from the grave, so maybe just find another way, like, "when these memories were still alive."

3. Various Tips

Can you think of any other words for "memories?" It gets a little repetitive during the course of the song. Some synonyms I like are "fantasy," "image," "picture," "thought," and "vision."

Consider taking out the "OOooo" if you so desire, or maybe turning it into a more dignified, "ooh."

If sung, this song will be very short. Consider plucking out a part of the song that you really like, that's really catchy, and making it the chorus. That way, your listeners/ readers will have something familiar to come back to. Not all songs have a chorus, but they help to really hammer the point home.

Last thing- maybe add a rhyme scheme or some kind of meter. It's what keeps your audience bopping their heads to your song, and it'll feel less like a free verse poem and more like a song, which it is.

This is a great start! I admire your songwriting ability, it's one thing to write poems and stories, but to wrap them up into lyrics is hard. I've been writing songs since elementary school, and let me tell you- it's difficult, but it's rewarding. A good song will stick with you for life when you write it. So keep it up! Sorry for the really long review. I hope to see more work from you in the future!

Happy writing,

Stella

whoops, this was an entire review but i accidentally put it as a comment, expect a review soon

Ah, a lovely reflective song on memories Eagle! It's clear that there's a lot of emotion behind this one.

I'll start off with the spelling corrections then get to the rest:

Heyo! I want to start by saying that this is a really cool piece about memories... I really find that it connects to me and I HATE the feeling of forgetting! Overall it's a great idea.
There are a few spaces where there is spelling that's off... some or them are probably typos, just weird spacing or ones that autocorrect wrong but they appear a few times throughout and that could be fixed. "We youst to have fun"
"just diss a pear" --> just disappear
"we could wined" ---> we could wind
"To for get" ---> to forget
There may be a few more... it's weird scrolling on my phone. But other than those I think that this is a cool piece! Of course I can't tell what you imagined the lyrics to be like rhythmically, but I kind of sang it to myself while my own idea of how it should sound while reading it and it's pretty cool. Again, the fear of forgetting is real. Well... Happy Review Day to you!