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E - Everyone

Just Like This World

by Dossereana

by the way this is a song that I made up myself I hope you like it.

I am looking out of the window,

And I am thinking about our faults,

I feel like we both messed up some months back.

There is a sun set forming over the hills,

And it is a lovely site.

I think that we need to look back on those good times now.

I hope that you can understand me when I say this,

For were heading down a deep slop.

I feel like the world is ending,

And I feel like our chances of making things right is getting shorter.

I am crying for the sad place that we are in right now.

A cold wind blows,

And a storm bellows,

As the rain starts to fall hard in this place.

I remember you saying that this world is so weird to you,

I then remember me saying the same thing to.

But you and I,

Are just like this whole world.

We just do not see that at all.

Were so wrapped up in our silly lives,

To realize,

That we are just like this world.

You can decide for yourself though,

If you want to be like me.

To just see,

What you turning into,

Because you and I are turning into be,

Just like this world.

Yes we both are turning,

Just like this world.

I can see it,

Where turning into be,

Just like this world.

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Is this a review?



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Points: 65
Reviews: 4

Fri Aug 02, 2019 12:41 pm
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classicdreams wrote a review...

Hello there yes this is a review because you left me also a very nice review.

Thankyou for that :) It is my first try to write a review ,so it is a bit hard...

I like how you describe this website, because I love this website, but the world is very hard to me, so I don't understand the poem very good, it is a bit difficult for me to understand this one.

Also do I like this one: '' That we are just like this world. '' Because we must learn from the world and the world must learn from us. :)

''I can see it, where turning into be '' that is really a lovely line. I can very relate to this one.
Just how amazing is it if we become what we want to become :)

'' You can decide for yourself though, '' also a very beautiful and awesome use of words , yes we can decide ,we can always choose in Life because our whole Life is made of what WE do and can choose.

Also it was a very pleasant poem to read and also I like to end with that you are a very good Poet ,this work flows well.

Greets from; Meg.

Dossereana says...

Thanks Meg that was very sweet, and it was good for a first review. :) also this is a song, and its not really based of off the site its more like the world. if that makes a little bit more sens, if you have any questions pleas be free to ask.

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28 Reviews

Points: 452
Reviews: 28

Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:16 pm
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xJoeyx wrote a review...

Henlo. I actually just got done reading a poem you and your friend wrote! Really good by the way.
Anyways, I really like these lyrics. They are realistic and I actually would sing this at a talent show or something. I wont though because it isn't mine. I just wanna say that you have so much potential and skills that I wanna cry. Maybe sometime you could like, throw some skills in my face so I can attempt at stuff.

I love you, no homo, even though I dont know you.
Have a good day byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Dossereana says...

thank you so much that is very nice of you. :D :D

you are welcome (:

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553 Reviews

Points: 27010
Reviews: 553

Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:34 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hi Shikora here with a short review.

I really liked this song it was very good. I think you should make more and post them. You have a very good talent for writing songs. I only saw a few things in this work witch I would like to point out.

There is a sun set forming over the hills,

Sunset is one word.

For were heading down a deep slop.

I think you meant to say slope.

I am crying for the sad place that we are in right now.

I think you meant to say from.

So that's all from me for a moment. I hope to read more of your works soon. Never stop writing and have a great day.

Your friend
Shikora. :D

Dossereana says...

thank you for the review it really means a lot to me. :D

Your very much welcome. :D

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405 Reviews

Points: 436
Reviews: 405

Fri Oct 12, 2018 1:25 am
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Eros wrote a review...

"For were heading down a deep slope"

"As the rain starts to fall hard in this place."
Perhaps, make it "over the place"

"Were so wrapped up in our silly lives,"
Again, "We're"

Beautiful poem... It has captivated my heart. I am influenced by your writing, EagleFly. I am in love with the things that you write... The style of writing is amazing. I love to read every word of everything that you write. Here, in this poem also, the emotions are expressed beautifully. The thoughts are great!

Keep writing... I don't have words to comment. I am, honestly, speechless.

Keep writing ...
Have a great day / night!
With love,
From Eros

Dossereana says...

thank you for the very kind words and also thanks for the review. :D

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37 Reviews

Points: 1634
Reviews: 37

Thu Oct 11, 2018 11:16 pm
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Louisiana15 wrote a review...

I like this. I really like this. I'm a competitive singer and really into music so I always get excited when I read lyrics.

The raw emotion is so innocent. The realization is beautiful. The honesty is gripping. Just a few things here and there:

Your use of the word "raped," I think should be "wrapped". The way you spelled it is in regards to the sexual assault "rape". If you did mean that, then, the message of that line seems off. Also, "realise" is spelled "realized" but pronounced as "realise" is music. So, common mistake there.

You have the psychological aspect of a song written point-blank, here. This is actually is "trendy" as I've seen. Singers are writing songs in the aspect of "thinking" of, about, etc. "The Way I am" by Charlie Puth is calling out that he's the way he is and if you don't like it, find another guy. Selena Gomez and her "Back to You" is thinking of the past. With all songs, comes thoughts... But you wrote those thoughts as though you were thinking them right then and there in the "music video" so to speak. Not as challenging in literature but in songwriting it is. You killed it.

You wrote this so it can fit both slow, medium, and fast tempos. I can see this starting slow then getting a little upbeat. Compared to Gomez's "Back To You" lyrics (which I love the song), I like this better. It's original, yet can be found hidden within other lyrics.

Depending on how you wanted this to turn out--for a slow song, your lyrics are a little too wordy; for an upbeat tempo, perfect.

I like the imagery here. In literature, it is translated one way, in music, another way. I looked at it both ways and I liked the contrast between the two and I enjoyed reading it very much. Before I listen to a new song, I always read the lyrics and get the feel and I like the feel I'm getting from this :)

I can't fully critique this without the music because if I were to and get your whole mindset wrong, I'd ruin this beautiful piece.

Awesome job,
Louisiana :)

Dossereana says...

thank you for the review, it really helps me, also I did not mean to spell rape like that I did not mean that at all, thanks for pointing that out to me. :D :D

Dossereana says...

I for got to say that do you want me to put you in the links when I post my next song that I make up.

Louisiana15 says...

Sure!! Always glad to listen!!

Science is the key to our future, and if you don’t believe in science, then you’re holding everybody back. And it’s fine if you as an adult want to run around pretending or claiming that you don’t believe in evolution, but if we educate a generation of people who don’t believe in science, that’s a recipe for disaster. We talk about the Internet. That comes from science. Weather forecasting. That comes from science. The main idea in all of biology is evolution. To not teach it to our young people is wrong.
— Bill Nye