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Eagle Times Book One Solders To a Lost Fight ~ Chapter 1 The Land

by Dossereana


Eagle Times Book One Solders To a Lost Fight

                            Chapter 1

                             The Land

Trees swayed from side to side as the wind started to blow hard. Dust blew every were coating the ground and the sky. Old leaves lifted from a dust bed, soot hit them hard they then went splintering of into the sky. There was a village here and some way away was a Castle, but mostly none as a Fort that they get trained in for battle. The Fort was brown and so was the fight ring. The brown was painted in different shades, to blend in with all the surroundings. Inside the castle were lots of eagles, but these eagles were only the ones that went into battle.

An eagle with lovely golden feathers was then seen looking out of the castle widow at the dusty storm. This eagle was hoping to be a solder and a trainer. He was all most ready to become a solder. To training other eagles he had to get permission from the king. This eagles name was Talon Eye. His name meant that he had sharp Talons, and a very strong eye site. Most eagles had meanings to their names. Best of off there characteristics and personality.

Talon Eye had been here for a long time. Eagles that were going to go into battle were taken from their parents as soon as they could fly. After Talon Eye was taken away from his mother and father he never saw his mother again for she was not chosen for battle. Talon Eye did see his dad a lot he was a guard that was all that his father did.

A door suddenly opened and in came another eagle that was a lot older than him. This eagle was already a Solder and a trainer. The eagles that trained did take terns with all the ones that needed to be trained. So they never new hew they were going to get as there teacher. The eagle that had just walked into the room had started walking to word Talon Eye. The eagle looked at him.

“Good morning Talon Eye,” They Eagle said still looking at him with there dark yellow eyes.

“Good morning Eyedis, are you going to be training me to day?” Talon Eye asked hopping that he was going to be tort by Eyedis. He was the comest teacher and he was not as striked as all the others were. That’s why he tort the beginners and not the older ones.

“Well no I am not going to, I was told that you and your come rids should move up,” Eyedis answered.

“Okay then hew will be training us all?” Talon Eye asked really hopping that it was not Morbeck the general.

“Tarath will be training you all from now on,” Eyedis said as he turned to the door and opened it and walked out of the room. Talon Eye watched him go as a bit of relive rushed though him. That meant that Training was to start in an hour, and Talon Eye should go and get ready in halve an hour.

“Hm I wonder what we will be learning this time now that were going to be going to new training,” Talon Eye thought as he started to walk to the dark brown door. He walked out the room into a long passage he started walking right. The passage was a bit dark for there were only two windows. When Talon Eye was at the end, he could see a big room fool of food and a lot of other eagles. The food was on a big golden table ready for the hungry eagles to come and grab it if they got hungry. Talon Eye then sore another eagle coming up to him.

“Hay Talon Eye,” the eagle said walking over to him.

“Hello Takasol did you here that we are going to be training with Tarath today,” Talon Eye said with a bit of joy in his voice as he sore Eyedis walking to the table with food on it.

“Really I did not here that so were moving up?” Takasol said excited about this.

“well yes w…...,” Talon Eye started before Takasol in terupted him a bit rood ley.

“Wat we can talk about this at the dining room table with our food,” Takasol said as he walked to the table with Talon Eye. Takasol picked up a plate and started dishing up his food. While Talon Eye just followed him about.

“Ant you going to eat any thing you must be hungry you always eat at this time before we get trained,” Takasol said looking at his friend. Eyedis happened to over hear this and he looked up to listen to what Talon Eye was going to say.

“Well that’s the thing I am hungry but have you ever seen the teachers and Solders and guards eat a lot I mean the only Teacher that I can see right now is Eyedis,” Talon Eye stated as he looked around the room he was hopping that Takasol was not going to do anything that was unexpected.

“So what has that got to do with it my dad is here eating and his a grad,” Takasol said pointing to his dad hew was also listening with Eyedis. They both were not shore what to think of this. Talon Eye was just thinking about how stubborn Takasol was.

“Well I no that my dad never eats until it is supper time and same with all the other eagles excepted Eyedis and your dad and well us, maybe were not supposed to eat because it mite be in evolving one of the war roils,” Talon Eye said stating the obvers. Talon Eye then noticed that Tarath and all the other Teachers were in the room now even the general. They all started to talk about something. But Talon Eye and Takasol did not kair.

“And were about to miss training if we do not get our buts moving because we have spent all most have and hour doing this,” Talon Eye said as he looked at Takasol. Takasol suddenly lunge and started tackling Talon Eye that was what his name meant. Talon Eye then wiped out his wings and gave Takasol a big hit though the face. Takasol let out a yell and then got of off him. Talon Eye then got up and started walking to the training room not feeling sorry for Takasol at all. Other eagles followed as it was time to get ready even Takasol had to follow now. The Teachers all started walking to the training room as well.

Talon Eye got to the training room and then pushed a door open leading into it. He then walked into the brown Training sinter, the place was made out of mettle the mettle was rusty and a little worn out but it was still fuck shenl. There was a big cupboard, in it was all the weapons and amour. He then went to get the amour out the cupboard and all the weapons that he had been given. Talon Eye got it all out the weapons and amour was also brown. There was no rove and the sun light blazed in to the earner. Talon Eye started pouting all the amour on. The wing razes were sharp but it was easy to put them on. When Talon Eye had put that on he then started walking to were he new his teacher was and his companions flowing.


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Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:14 am
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Briely says...



Wow, EagleFly! Your on a roll with this piece. I really enjoy your characters, specially there names! Keep up the good work!!!!!!!! Bye, bye!




Dossereana says...


Aww thanks that's really nice of you to say that. :D



Briely says...


:)))))



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Wed Apr 24, 2019 11:56 pm
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Anma wrote a review...



Hello @EagleFly!
Anma here to review!

This is really good! The way you started it out was fantastic! I was really into this peace while reading. Before I get started talking about all how good this piece is I'm going to point out some minor problems. Also these are just some suggestions! You don't need to fix them if you don't want too.

1. Dust blew (everywhere) coating the ground and the sky.

2. Old leaves lifted from a dust bed, soot hit them hard (when) they went splintering (off.)
{Sense you already said sky you don't need to repeat it.}

3.There was a village here(.) Some (ways away) was a fighting and training ring.
{Having a short sentence before a long one creates a better flow of words.}

4.The Castle was brown(,) and so was the fight(ing) ring.

5.(Inside) the castle were lots of eagles, but these eagles were only the ones that went into battle.

6. An eagle with lovely golden feathers was then seen looking out of the castle (window) at the (dust) storm.

7.This eagle was (hoping) to be a solder(,) and a trainer.

8. He was (almost) ready to become a solder.

9. His name meant that he had sharp (talons) and (extreme) eye site.
{No need to capitalize talons, and extreme makes it sound better}

10. After Talon Eye was taken away from his mother and father(,) he never (saw) his mother again for she was not chosen for battle.

11. A door suddenly opened and in came another eagle that was a lot older (than) him.

12. This eagle was (already) a Solder and a trainer.

Also your spacing is a little cramped.. Try to space it out a little bit.
For example: Beast of off there characteristics and personality. {End paragraph here}

{New paragraph} Talon Eye had been here for a long time.

When ever there is some topic change you can put it into a new paragraph.

There is a few repeated words, and unclear attendance. Make sure when there is a character you are explaining make sure to still put there name. When you repeat words you can just look for synonyms of that word.

Either than that this is really good! Its really interesting and creative. The way you put in the detail was very good. You really have got my attention on this story! I hope that you can get the next chapter posted soon! Tag me!

Keep up the good work!

Have a nice day!

Love
Anma




Dossereana says...


Thanks for the lovely review Anma, it helps me a lot, i am really happy to here that you liked it. :D



Anma says...


:) No problem @EagleFly.



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Wed Apr 24, 2019 7:56 am
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TropicalRain says...



Wow EagleFly!!!! This is a really well written chapter. I can't wait to read the next chapter. You have me hooked!! :D
Your description was amazing. And your characters were really cool.
Keep writing.




Dossereana says...


Thanks Trops. :D



TropicalRain says...


No problem.



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Wed Apr 24, 2019 7:51 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, EagleFly! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for your chapter, which I have been waiting for for a wile now. I am also going to help get your work out the green room.

Let's get started with things I saw that can be fixed.

Let me just say before I start pointing things out that your writing has gotten so much better, but I'll get more in depth with that later. Let's start pointing things out.

Old leaves lifted from a dust bed, Soot hit them hard they then went splintering of into the sky.

The word in bold as you know already is the word that needs to be fixed. But this one is just a simple mistake. The word doesn't need a capitol letter. Because you used a comma to end the sentence.

Onto the next thing.
The brown was painted in different shades, to blend in with all the soundings.

This was just a simple typo, I do believe you meant to say surroundings instead on soundings. Don't worry everyone makes mistakes like this, even I catch myself doing it.

Here is the next thing i saw.
This eagle was hopping to be a solder and a trainer.

This was another silly typo. I think you meant to say hoping.

Next.
For training other eagles he had to get permission from the king.

Now there is nothing wrong with what you have said here, but I'm going to change some things with this to show you how to make it flow better. If you don't agree you don't have to do it.
To train other eagles he had to get permission from the king.

I think this sounds a little better. Don't you?

Here is another thing.
Beast of off there characteristics and personality .

This is just another silly mistake I saw. I think you meant to say best of.

Okay last thing.
After Talon Eye was taken away from his mother and father he never sore his mother again for she was not chosen for battle.

This is a small spelling mistake. I do believe you were trying to say saw?

Well I saw other little mistake through out the chapter, but I'm not going to go point them all out. Because over time you will see them as you write. So I'm not going to go onto all the good things about the chapter.

First off, I just love the name to your book. It gets the reader interested, and makes them want to read it. From what i have heard so far it really does tell us what the story is about. So great naming.

I think the way you started the chapter was one of the best I have see you done. it gives us as the reader a good description of the place we are in, and it puts us in the story with the characters, it was just amazing.

Talking of characters, that is another thing I would like to talk to you about. I really like how you gave us a short back story to why Talon Eye was at the palace, and if he has any family, that really cleared that all up for me, so great job. I can also see you are building up his character slowly, but giving us the little things we need to know about him for that chapter. And I think his character is really cool, and I can't wait to read more.
The same can be said for the other characters. So well done.

I also got a few good laughs out of this so that made my day. XD

Over all this was a really well written chapter and I loved every second. To the reading to the reviewing. I had a lot of fun seeing how much your writing has grown, just like you. XD I hope you will keep posting the rest of this book on YWS. I hope you have a great day.
Again great work!!

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




Dossereana says...


Wow that was a really nice review sis. :D





I'm glad you like it! :D




“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451