24/25 Apri, night (I am gonna do somethin' crazy)
I couldn’t bring myself to fall asleep tonight. I got paralyzed last night just when I was about to fall asleep I snapped out of it after a minute maybe but I never want to experience that again. Just thinking about it gives me the shivers.
No, I am not an insomniac. However, I had this habit of staying up very late but I thought it was slowly dying. Nowadays, I only skip my sleep whenever I get into a writing frenzy and when my head gets filled suddenly with truckloads of ideas. But, tonight I do not have any ideas swirling in my head. I still couldn’t fall asleep. I was still lying on my bed and the sleeping form of my sister glowed in the moonlight almost making her look very ghostly. And I am assuming, I look ghostlier than her. The curtains were loosely drawn so that the room was dimly lit, enough for me to get up and walk around if I so wished.
I got up and switched on my reading light and arranged my messy hair, till the knots were gone and the curls were in the right places, and twisted it into an updo. I quickly put on my cloak and grabbed the torchlight and my cell phone before tip toeing towards the door and sneaking out of the house soundlessly. I did not light the torch just to be safe and I could easily climb up the stairs in the pitch black anyway. By the time I reached the terrace I was slightly out of breath. The scene there gave me the goose bumps of just the right kind. It filled my muse with new life till the brim! The moon was partially covered in silvery clouds and the night sky had never looked this clearer. The night felt so alive…She was in the midsummer wind that blew so pleasantly. She lingered in the cries of the cicadas. I felt as though I had been friends with her since forever. I snapped out of this as soon as a mosquito bit me.
With some effort I dragged the wooden ladder to a suitable place and climbed up to sit on super high roof of the staircase. Thankfully, there weren’t any mosquitoes here. I took out my cell phone and logged in to YWS to write this wonderful one and only idea that slowly started to manifest itself and swirled in my mind waiting to be written before it disappeared. YWS is like a digital city of my friends, guides and people like me that is set in letters and beautiful pieces of written arts. I quickly got to work as my muse busily murmured and I typed it by pressing those faded keys of my phone. Midsummer Night’s Crimson Touch was just a perfect title for my piece of written art.
After working on it for two hours, I finally finished it! I silently wished on a falling star just before submitting it. My life- almost the entire of it basically revolved around YWS. It’s like alive with lots of people 24 X 7 and almost all of my friends are form there. Critiques, fellow poets, writers, even anime fans are in there. One of its stars is the Writer of the Week thingy. It has always been my and many others’ goal/ wishful thinking to become one and I almost daydream ‘bout it.
Sirens were blaring somewhere far away and it was gradually coming closer. Those had to be the Patrol guards! They could easily see me as there were no clouds around the moon and everything was alight with silvery dusts of moon light. My torch was still on and it had been that way from when I climbed that ladder. Those guards could easily mistake me to be a goon or a thief if they see me in a cloak and a powerful torch. They would say I was using it to signal my fellow team mates who were far away! Well, no one expects to find a 16 year old girl in her right mind, loafing about in the five storey high terrace all alone at midnight. That would be real mad…as my cousin puts it- totally bonkers.
Suddenly, I forgot all about YWS and WotW and I hastily climbed down not before switching off my torch. Without caring about how much noise I made, I ran down the stairs as quickly as I could. I couldn't heave a sigh of relief until the sirens could not be heard anymore. Purposely messing up my hair, and stashing away my cloak somewhere, I got ready to sleep. Just as the sun rose that morning I fell into a deeper state of sleep.
~~~~~
28 Apr, night
Even after two days, no one knew about my midnight escapade. In fact it turned out to be pretty lucky for me. Which is why I am having a mini party with my friends at my house…I became the writer of that week after all!.
I guess some wishes do come true…(when they are wished past midnight before sunrise)…
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
'Ello! haha, well,I'm Kam and I'm stopping in for a quick review!
. I'll be doing positives then negatives 
. Adding to that, it is a new thing to see someone actually include YWS in a story! I loved that part and it really made everything more personal 
You give fresh ideas to everything. Also, you could probably write a story off of the seemingly different world here 
I think patrols and such could be an entirely new thing to look on!
Lemme just say,it is quite an impressive story. I do like it, though it isn't my forte to critique very well. I normally do horror, but I'm trying to step form the comfort zone. Anyway, onto your delightful short story
Lemme just say, the way you word your story is very interesting. The narrator is speaking to herself and truly trying to bloom into a writer, even if it means sneaking off in the middle of the night. I enjoy the way you describe the billowing curtains, the silence of the steps and the sudden adrenaline rush when sirens go off! It isn't a blood rusher, but it sure does spike interest
Your character is quite tame, a normal girl of sometime and place, just a simple person trying to be a writer and hoping for things most 'normal' females wouldn't
Now, onto the more critiquing parts of my review
Sometimes you make awkward statements, such as...
"I got paralyzed last night just when I was about to fall asleep I snapped out of it after a minute maybe but I never want to experience that again."
I was paralyzed last night, just as I was about to fall asleep. However, I snapped out of it after a minute or two, but I never wish to feel that(experience) again.
See? Much less awkward and run on. It is okay if a sentence is short, so long as it isnt fragmented, and it doesn't make it bad to have short sentences, a lot of people write is short sentence, so long as they make sure the sentences aren't clipped
I see you switch between present and past tense sometimes. At this moment I can't seem to find it, but it is nearer to the beginning in the first few paragraphs. Just be sure you don't go "I was still awake. I couldn't fall asleep." it is like doing on present, one past, and it makes your writing seem very sloppy. I mean, I understand sloppy, I can be pretty sloppy myself, but just be sure to keep everything in the same tense
Try not to include people you won't elaborate on. you said
"I was still lying on my bed and the sleeping form of my sister glowed in the moonlight almost making her look very ghostly."
I am not sure why you said anything about the sister as it just seems to be extra to make the whole thing longer. A good story doesn't have to be long, it just has to be well written. Anyway, I think you could take out this part and just describes the moonlight and how you imagine how pale and otherworldly you look. That would be just as well and less confusing
Anyway, I think I have covered all I need too! Have a good day and keep writing
Hi there!
This is really interesting — I especially love how you incorporated YWS in here and made it a fan fic.
There were places where it seemed like there needed commas, but I love commas, so that may just be me. Some sentences just seemed a bit rushed.
I found one little typo:
From, not form. I see that a lot.
Also, I'm not sure if it's a different way or anything, but the X in 24/7? I usually just put a dash in between the two numbers. Then again, it could be a different way. I don't know!
I love this character's personality. She has this sort of spunk, and it just seems really realistic. Thingy? Lots of people say that. Kudos to you for making this really realistic!
I didn't have much of a problem with this piece, at all. I thought it was very fascinating.
If you ever make any more journal entries or diary entries of this mysterious character, let me know! That would be pretty cool! (If you do, you may want to put dates on it).
Hope this helps!
WillowPaw1~
Btw, I should really correct those silly typos (couldn't help it that time as it was already past midnight by the time I finished this lol..)
Btw, I should really correct those silly typos (couldn't help it that time as it was already past midnight by the time I finished this lol..)
This is awesome! First I thought you were writing a story set in your own fantasy world away from reality, then your character got on YWS and it turned into a little fanfiction for this website. I loved the part with the mosquito; I was put in this peaceful scene and then BAM a mosquito comes in and not only snaps the character out of it, but also the reader.
I'm not sure if you put this in a diary format, but based on the title I'll assume so. I'd suggest you put some dates on the different pieces, or just up the top.
Thanks for the review and I am so glad you all liked it
I am confused about the dates you know! Like this doesnt contain the entire entry just bits and pieces of two different entries...maybe I should put some sort of break that would show just that(?)
Thanks for the review and I am so glad you all liked it
I am confused about the dates you know! Like this doesnt contain the entire entry just bits and pieces of two different entries...maybe I should put some sort of break that would show just that(?)