I'm running, so far, far away.
With only the scarlet sky to protect me.
Feet bounding on cobble and stone; bare feet.
The only thing driving me forward is those scars that decorated their necks,
those troubled glances that you never missed
and the distant screams of malice and pain
because they put a smile on my face
~
I don't turn my head, I don't look back
But I can't help a quick glance
Because I've got nothing to loose
~
Trapped by the thick earth and the scarlet sky
I can only run so far
But if those invisible bars were to brake?
I'd run
And if I die, If I loose?
I won't, I can't if I try
~
I am trapped by immortality
a force that is bound round my neck like rope
I can't even break free
It's the price I have to pay
And running?
It's the lie I tell myself every day
I am suspended by that same thread of string that holds us both together
That keeps us on track
equally balanced
I know I have never known truth
Or lies
Just pain and sorrow
because the worst thing I could have is happiness
because it never lasts
Then I am on a journey to heart brake and despair
I have reached my destination.
My heart is scattered in tiny pieces
the size of a grain of sand
and if I try to pick them up and piece them back together
they all just slip through my bony fingers
making them harder to find.
I lost the will to do that years ago
Now I focus on the crevices of my twisted mind
trying to unravel the nightmares
To put every piece of the jigsaw
back in it's rightful place
I am used to exaggerating my fear
so when I look back at the house of death
I'm not afraid
I've escaped
I'm free
I'm limited
Because when the moon comes out in four hours
I'm doomed
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Tigerlilly here for a review! Happy review day!
To be honest, I cant relate to this like some can, though I am trying my very best to understand what this is like. I think its very well written, with some excellent imagery and wonderful metaphors. Its a really wonderful piece, and very well written.
Nitpicks:
"Then I am on a journey to heart brake and despair"
I am assuming you meant heart break...
"I can't even brake free"
Same thing for this one. I am pretty sure u meant break instead of brake.
"I lost the will to do that years ago"
I am honestly kinda confused on this part. What is it you have lost the will to do? Piece your thoughts back together, the tiny grains of sand? I think it might help if you elaborate a bit.
Overall, this was a good poem. I was slightly confused and couldnt relate as well as I wish, but I did my best. You are an excellent writer, so I look forward to reading more of your works.
Okay first of all, this is beautiful.
Second of all, you totally lost me. I read it twice, and still don't understand, it's to vague and complex, and I found myself skimming if I didn't force myself to read. You're great with words, but impossible to understand. It's like a big dump of purple prose with no information on what is happening. It feels like a story with every other sentence removed.
The punctuation is all over the place, to the extent where I don't even know where to start.
You mispelled 'break' as 'brake' twice, which pulled me right out of the story.
Yes poetry can be vague, yes you can overdo the purple prose if you like, but you have to let the reader understand.
Don't impress me, hit me across the face. Don't put on a play, hand me a photograph. Don't whisper into the microphone in another language, shout it to me at the top of your lungs.
So that I can understand.
I feel like there is a really powerful message behind this, but I cannot understand it at all. It frustrates and bores me. Just...
Please, be vague, but stark. Be beautiful, but not like a ball gown, like a simple brown dress town at the edges.
I hope this helps!
After reading it again, I understand it, but it feels like a bit much. Might just be personal opinion, but still consider simplifying.
Hello! This is my review! I like how to construct your poem. The creativity is there. And I like how it sounded. But I have a suggestion, on the third line of the poem "Feet bounding on cobble and stone; bare feet". You can just cancel "bare feet" and just say "My bare feet was bounding on cobble and stone"
But it depends on you if you want to change it
Somehow, its like the persona is telling us that even if we have fear, there is always a way to get out from it. I actually understand what the poem is all about. So overall, the structure of the poem is great, great creativity, great job
Hello! This is my review! I like how to construct your poem. The creativity is there. And I like how it sounded. But I have a suggestion, on the third line of the poem "Feet bounding on cobble and stone; bare feet". You can just cancel "bare feet" and just say "My bare feet was bounding on cobble and stone"
But it depends on you if you want to change it
Somehow, its like the persona is telling us that even if we have fear, there is always a way to get out from it. I actually understand what the poem is all about. So overall, the structure of the poem is great, great creativity, great job
Hello Tuesday here for a review. I like to begin that this poem could relate to anyone who have ran away from a broken heart since when you try to run from the broken heart you have, you go into this phase of like "what will I do next" or something, which could relate to anyone. Also The imagery in this poem is amazing since i can imagine the dark corners or a nightmare being unraveled into real life.
to me I would suggest maybe putting my heart is scattered in tiny pieces like a grain of sand or something a similar concept.Nitpick(s):
this stanza makes little sense to me since you never really tell the reader what time it would be. Maybe you are trying to say that it is going to be midnight or something similar.
Overall, I really did enjoy this poem very much and i would suppose the message of this poem could be that when you try to run from a broken heart, you can't run but only hide from what the dangers that would lurk inside of you. Also i like the structure of this poem since some are to the side (what i means is that poems like these are wonderful).
Farewell,
Tuesday