She was innocent, naïve, and loyal to a fault.
It was her tenth birthday when she was gifted her very first, brand new pen to write her school work with.
That pen changed her life, and also her perception of life.
In many ways more than one, pens are like people. There's an ocean of different kinds of pens out there, much like the different kinds of people.
And she'd found the perfect pen. A fountain pen.
A pen she swore she'd carry till the very end. She truly believed she would.
Although people around her threw sceptic looks and raised eyebrows her way, she held her ground and repeated the same to anyone who would question her about it.
She cared for the pen, carried it anywhere and everywhere. She wrote her most private thoughts with the it.
The silvered tip knew all her secrets and wishes.
Having been all alone all her ten years of existence without any companions, she was more than glad to have finally found one.
One could say it was the happiest times of her life.
On most days she could be found scribbling away her secrets and dreams, fully aware that everything 'said' would be in confidence, or simply holding it in her hand without a word. Oh, yes, she cared for that pen a lot.
Everything was going well up until that fateful day a few years later when reality woke her up.
Nothing in life is permanent, and that especially holds true in the case of pens.
While the details of that day were still a little sketchy, a result of her mind trying to block the horrors that happened, flashes of images of spilled ink and a broken nib was enough for her to know that what happened that day was probably best forgotten.
Guilt over the ruined relationship haunted her deeply, but she knew she had to move on, search for other pens.
But the search proved to be less frutiful as she found herself constantly gravitating towards the same kind, always hunting for the same black and silvered cap every time she was at the store.
However, no matter how many of the same kind she bought, they never felt the same as it did with her first pen. It never could.
And so after a whole year of useless fountain pen searches, she resorted to buying cheap, throwaway pens that barely lasted a week; dozens of them,actually.
Nothing was going to go back to the way it was anyway, so why bother trying, right?
In a way, it made sense, but then again, it really didn't.
And now, she moves on with her life, a new pen a week, or longer, never really stopping to care about any of it.
In a lot ways more than one, pens are like people, and now that she's lost hers, she doubts anything or anyone else can replace it.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is a very interesting metaphorical piece of fiction. I can't really find any faults with the prose except the first sentence, which I don't think was continuous with or relevant to the rest of the writing. I also wouldn't say she "found" a pen when she was gifted it. I also feel like this story needs some sort of follow-up, since it says "pens are like people... she doubts anything or anyone else can replace it". Well, can anything or anyone else replace it? Excellent writing though.
Comparing people to pens,ha?
Hello,I like your work a lot and I think it has a very big potential but I really want to be honest amd tell you that I was not impressed at the start of the work.It was boring-looking and dull.But honestly this was the start.After the several first paras the reader can understand what is actually going on.I think i found no so big mistakes and I saw other reviewers had said what I wanted to say for a criticism so this will be more like a kind review here.Maybe you just need stronger start to begin with.I love the ending,never expected it.
Good job.
Ok so I really liked this. I understand this so well and I'm honestly going through what she is. I feel her so well. I lost my boyfriend a few months ago, and I've just been so broken about it. I go from person to person hoping one will make me feel something again, but it never happens. I just feel empty and as much as I try to forget him and move on I just can't. I use people like I use pens, and I've really started hating myself more and more for it. Anyways I think you did a good job. Sorry didn't mean to change the subject a little haha. Hope things are going ok. Message me any time. Keep on writing I hope to see more from you. Good luck.
*hugs*
Hey Dutiful!
I was just browsing the green room and found yours on the top. The title didn't capture my attention though, but I don't regret visiting this work of yours. The concept you went for may sound dull, boring or quite simple but it has a great metaphor. You have beautifully compared people to pens.
Coming to the criticism part,
*Having been all alone all her ten years of existence without any companions, she was more than glad to have finally found one.* This doesn't actually relate with pens, although I understand what exactly you wish to present.
*She wrote her most private thoughts with the it.* The grammar error here. Go through it. I guess out of excitement you published it without having a thorough glance over the work. It should be as- She wrote her most private thoughts with the pen OR with it.
The best part was how you ended it wonderfully in a smooth way. True to your words, nothing is permanent. You make me nostalgic!
Overall, the flow was good. The words were right. Simply have one more glance over it again with the improvements suggested.
Keep writing, good luck! ^_^
-Arzoo.
Yolo peoples!!! LadyRanicorn here for another AMAZING review!
Okay, so, I love this piece of work. It did an excellent job writing this. This poem is probably the one that best accurately describes my relationships with books or sketchbooks. I enjoyed how you told the reader about the main characters feeling towards the pen and how you described the incident as a flashback. This added a beautiful touch to the poem. I also enjoyed the ending, how you compared people to pens, because we kind of are in some weird way.
This is an EXTREMELY short review, I know, but for some strange reason I couldn't find anything wrong with this poem. You wrote it very beautifully and thoughtfully. So, if you want some criticism, I'm afraid that this isn't the review for that! All I can say now is to keep up the good work, and until next time, LadyRanicorn out!!!