I love the flow of your story. Never once in this tale did you lose my attention! Thanks for a wonderful read!
10.24 A.M.
Me: Hey babe, are you up yet?
Me: I miss you.
Me: Reply soon, love you.
I place my phone on the table next to me, double checking to make sure it’s not on silent, and pull out my textbook, finally deciding that I should probably start studying for that exam tomorrow.
My eyes dart to the top of my phone screen ever so often, just in case I miss his text because I’m too busy caught up in my textbook.
Right.
Why hasn’t he replied yet? He should be awake by now.
Is he ignoring me already? I thought last night went pretty great.
Or did it?
Sighing, I pull up the phone and open the messages.
Nothing.
#
11.32 A.M.
Me: Where are you?
Something must be wrong; it’s not like him to not reply for so long.
I flip through the pages of my textbook, not really paying attention to the blurry words and faded diagrams. I haven’t really studied much in the past hour, and though I feel a little guilty for not being serious enough, my mind simply refuses to co-operate.
Beep beep
Scrambling to my feet, I rush towards where my phone was seated and unplug it from the charger.
1 new message
Heart beating just a little faster, I open the message with the sort of girlish excitement a kid has when she’s given a new doll to play with.
“YOUR DATA PLAN EXPIRES TOMORROW. RENEW NOW AND…”
Letting out a sigh that probably sounded a little close to a growl, I throw my phone on the bed and leave the room.
I need a walk.
#
1.10 P.M.
“Lunch is ready!” calls out mom from downstairs.
Shutting the book close, I head downstairs, leaving a lingering look at my phone that was still on the bed, just like I’d left it when I’d gone for the walk—which was really helpful; I must have studied at least two chapters.
It hadn’t beeped even once.
I contemplated sending another text but didn’t.
I didn’t want to come off as needy or obsessive.
There was a tiny fear that had begun creeping into the back of my mind by then. Was it something I said or did?
Did I come off as annoying last night?
Sitting at the table, twirling the food on the plate with my fork, my mind does a quick recap of the events of last night:
Date.
Movie.
Holding hands.
Sitting at the park bench, talking.
Talking.
While the details of our conversation are no more than a blur( I was too busy admiring our intertwined hands and relishing the feel of him sitting next to me), I’m now more than a hundred percent sure that I must have said something I wasn’t supposed to last night.
That’s it, isn’t it?
Oh dear, does he hate me now?
#
3.45 P.M.
I’ve been staring at his message screen for 15 minutes now, my fingers itching to type what my heart wants to scream out.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Instead, I close the window and open up his Facebook page. His ‘last seen’ status shows that he was online just five hours ago.
Five hours ago.
He was ignoring me.
I place my phone aside and just sit there, absorbing this new information.
Is he going to want to break up with me now?
Is it all over?
We’ve only been dating for a few months now and while I don’t know if this is love, I know that I don’t want to lose him.
I can feel the tears pooling at the corner of my eyes, threatening to fall any second and I close them shut, not willing to cry so fast.
Pull yourself together, girl.
Maybe I'm just over reacting. There's probably a very rational reason as to why he hasn't replied yet.
Letting out a deep breath,I pull up his Facebook page again.
However, seeing his 'last seen' again was like a blow to the stomach, breaking down all the calm that I'd built up just a few moments ago and I wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep it away.
Maybe I'll do that.
#
7.05 P.M.
23 new messages
I squint my eyes against the glare of the screen to make sure that I read that right.
Groping in the dark, I finally find the switch and turn on the lights.
Not willing to open it just then, I simply sit there, staring at the screen, my mind a complete blank.
23 messages.
23 break up messages?
23 'I'm sorry baby' messages?
Or 23 random messages from random people?
Swallowing, I swipe the screen and pull it up.
23 messages from him.
I realize my hands are trembling just a little bit, and my heart is beating a thousand times faster.
Closing my eyes, I let out a deep breath and compose myself.
Whatever it is, I can handle it.
Keeping my eyes closed, my fingers tap against his name, opening it.
Him: I'm so sorry baby, I dropped my phone in the bathroom this morning and it just stopped working. I was at the shop the whole day trying to get it fixed. They said it'd take two weeks but I insisted they fix it today because I needed to talk to you, of course. You were probably waiting the entire day for me. I'm so sorry.
Him: WHERE ARE YOU?
Him: Baby? I'm sorry. Reply please.
Him: I love you. Are you mad at me?
And on the messages went, each telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me.
For a second I have no idea how to respond.
And then I read the messages all over again and I can't help the smile that takes over my face as my fingers find the 'Reply' button.
I love the flow of your story. Never once in this tale did you lose my attention! Thanks for a wonderful read!
Message was very simple and beautiful.Little things in relationships make it worth it.You've explained enough
uneasiness from both of them, that proves their insecurities.
Now my review
Shutting the book close, I head downstairs, leaving a lingering look at my phone that was still on the bed
He was ignoring me.
I place my phone aside and just sit there, absorbing this new information.
Is he going to want to break up with me now?
Is it all over?
Hey there!
Hope you remember me.! I know its been terribly long since I've even been back to YWS and and now here I am. And yours is the first work I'm reviewing since getting back so yippee..! Might be a little rusty though, still here goes:
Let me start from the title itself. That was pretty explanatory in itself. Before heading into the story itself I pretty much had an idea what it was gonna be about and lo and behold it was. The everyday clinging nagging girlfriend who just tries not to show it but then freaks out about every little thing and just cant help being over protective. So that's a tried and tested story and we can all relate to it so yeeah that was kind of the bait in the beginning and thats why we all I guess headed in to read it out. So bingo! You brought the readers in. But what would have made me really interested would have been if it was the other way around and it was the guy who was being insecure that would have been refreshing.
Then heading on to the actual story. I got the girl's character from the start and as I said very relatable. Would have been nice if we could have got more about the guy too.
"Heart beating just a little faster, I open the message with the sort of girlish excitement a kid has when she’s given a new doll to play with."
I actually thought that the last part of the sentence was a bit too much of explanation. Maybe if you could have showed it rather then telling?
Again the Facebook thing seems a bit strange. It was quite possible for him to just send her a message.
The ending was nice. Overall it had a good feel and the story was well put together.
Great!
Geez louise. This is wonderful.
Hai Dutiful, I'm Far1812. I'll be reviewing this lovely piece of literature this evening.
So. Let's get started.
This short story is a fine work indeed. It humanizes the "overly attached girlfriend," subtly points out gender inequalities, and has a bit of a twist ending. The thing I like about short stories is that they give you little bits of all the good stuff. (This gives me little bits of all the good stuff.)
CHARACTERS
Well done with your main character! I don't even know her first name, but I feel like I know HER. She's the crazy lady in the internet meme, the one we all make fun of but don't actually believe exists.
She exists, guys. We're ALL her.
I think you illustrated that very nicely; the "overly attached girlfriend" is a normal person, not an insane "I'll-axe-murder-your-ex-girlfriend-from-5-years-ago" lady. Not to get all highschool-assembly-preachy with you, but in a world where basically everything is instant, is it really all that crazy that girls who freak out if someone doesn't answer back immediately are cropping up?
Speaking of which, I'm gonna point out your guy now.
I loved it! (Him?)
We all expect the girl to be the crazy one, the needy one, the one with the issues. But the guy is just the same as her!
Nobody expects (or at least, I didn't expect) him to be just the same--maybe even worse!--as her. But he is.
Because boys are people too, guys! They grew up in the same tech-crazy world that those girls grew up in.
PLOT
So, there's not a ton in this story, plot-wise. That's okay, though! It's a short story; the plot doesn't have to be a main focus. However, I would like to tip my hat at your bit-of-a-twist ending. I'm a little ashamed at how much I was affected by that ending, but I was. (And I TOTALLY believe her boyfriend was telling the truth, by-the-by.)
Also, about his being on Facebook without his phone (I read something about that in one of the other reviews). It's totally plausible! Hasn't anybody heard of a laptop?
THEME(S)
Eh, I think I mostly went over your themes up in my "characters" sections. But. This story made me think! It brought up new ideas, ones I hadn't really thought of before!
Yayyyyy!
OTHER
"A Day in the Life of an Insecure Relationship." It's a bit (man, I like that word) too on-the-nose for me, but whatever blends your smoothie, I suppose.
This: "Heart beating just a little faster, I open the message with the sort of girlish excitement a kid has when she’s given a new doll to play with.
'YOUR DATA PLAN EXPIRES TOMORROW. RENEW NOW AND…'
Letting out a sigh that probably sounded a little close to a growl, I throw my phone on the bed and leave the room.
I need a walk."
Hahahahaha. Niiiiice.
OVERALL
Dutiful, this was superb. Keep writing stuff like this, and I may even pay to read it. 
Best wishes!
Hi,
You do a good job in framing this very common situation or phenomenon in language that is very clear and relatable. I don't really have anything very serious to add. The ending was quite good. I ask, though, if there's anything that you feel is missing? Not from the content/plot of the story but, is there anything that you feel could've been explored more? I think that in this case establishing a clear psychological profile is very important, if this is what you wish to explore. Otherwise, your story, I find, is limited in its potential to convey certain, deeper things about this entire phenomenon. Why do we worry about this so often? Why does it seem like we're trapped in a pit of social insecurities? Why does it seem that, even if we are in a relationship with someone we love, we just can't seem to be happy sometimes? Make your message more explicit. Establish character psychology, if you intend to make this longer or more thought-provoking.
Lemons
patience is a virtue my young padawan and HOW WAS HE ONLINE FIVE HOURS AGO IF HIS PHONE WAS BROKEN HUH TALK ABOUT PLOT TWIST??
Hello! Gymnast2801 here with a review!
Woo hoo, this was awesome!! I've never read anything like this before in my life and quite frankly, I compleatly loved it! The character is exactly what an ordinary girl is and her boyfriend...well I must admit that I feel like I don't know him much but that is to be expected I guess when you are writing through text messages. However, I will comment more on this topic later. Anyway, let's get to the editing even though there isn't much to edit!
"While the details of our conversation are no more than a blur( I was too busy admiring our intertwined hands and relishing the feel of him sitting next to me), I’m now more than a hundred percent sure that I must have said something I wasn’t supposed to last night."
Okay, this one is totally optinal but these ( ) are not compleatly needed. I would say that you could find a way to add that part into the sentences or make it it's own sentence because, although I am cortquing you on this, I feel that "( I was too busy admiring our intertwined hands and relishing the feel of him sitting next to me)" is a very important sentence because it explains why this character was not paying attention and it also shows just how into him she really is.
"Letting out a deep breath,I pull up his Facebook page again."
This sentence if fine, other than the fact that you need a space after the comma and before "I"
Okay, so I would like to go back to the topic of this character's boyfriend. He is good but I feel like he needs a bit more depth for the reader to really feel how this main character is feeling and why she is so attached to this one boy when there are so many out there. Don't get me wrong, it's very easy to relate to this character because how you wrote feels so real (I've never had a boyfriend so I know nothing about this stuff yet I felt like I had been there with this character her whole life because she was so well written). What I propose is that maybe add in a memory of when these two first met or something like that. Something to get the reader to really know this boyfriend.
Okay, almost done. I just have one question:
Was this character's boyfriend ignoring her or did he really drop his phone in the bathroom and have to get it fixed? I'm leaning towards the fact that he was lying but I can't tell so I though I should ask.
Otherwise, wonderful job! I loved this work and if you ever come out with anything like it, please tell me and I will be happy to read and review it!
Goodbye for now and keep writing!
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