Prompt: Social media has played a critical role in the past few years and many people have called us the “Social Media Generation”. We use it to promote our views, to share our memories and to even show off what we had for lunch! It’s become an integral part of our lives but at the same time we have to ask, how much is too much? Are we destroying all personal boundaries? Is everything shared on social media public property? Is it right to bring Instagram with you on the dinner table? This issue’s prompt aims to answer these questions; What are your views on social media usage and what are its pros and cons? Be sure to use real life examples
including education and politics etc.
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She’s cut her fingers again, her mother had reminded her to be more careful with the knife. And so, for the fourth time, Maria is being rushed into the ER while preparing breakfast. The nurse laughs, as she dresses Maria’s wound and Maria smiles back – she doesn’t quite have an option. Before long, her wound’s all wrapped up neat and she takes out her phone tweeting : “breakfast kitchen disaster 4–gotta get used to blood & skin in my food now #sillyme #notagain #foodspoiled”
Five hours later, Maya sees this tweet on her feed. She ‘Favourite’s the tweet, as she realizes her daughter had called her after posting this. The slightest, yet concrete, tinge of pain manifests in Maya’s smile.
“I should come online more often.” She mutters to herself, while in the other side of the country Maria updates her status: “Night y’all!” from her dorm room. How many of her friends actually need to know she’s off to bed at 2am?
Merriam-Webster defines social media as “forms of electronic communication through which users create online communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content.” We know that this includes Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram, Tumblr, Kik and innumerable online sites.
Using the above scene, we see that the social media is now a pocket dictionary people use for both sharing their lives and to learn about others’ lives. The delusion that this creates is that although you may have never met a person face-to-face in life, you may feel like they’ve become your closest friends.
The advantages though are clear: people can stay in touch, stay up-to-date about each others lives and now, moving to a different country for college after your high-school graduation no longer means that you’ll cry over how great friendships have ended.
Also, these media are the fastest methods of spreading news, an example is seen the recent political uprisings, starting from Tunisia’s Sidi Bouzid (2010) to Bangladesh’s current Shahbag Movement, by the promoting and sharing of messages online.
Let’s take another scene now, travelling back to 1887.
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Here we find Watson visiting Miss Morstan everyday to update her on the progress on discovering whereabouts of the Great Agra Treasure. Information wasn’t easy to pass along in those days. Yet, Watson travelled each night after his already long days to make sure Sherlock’s current client wasn’t kept in the dark.
Comparing the two scenarios, we can state that social networking has made communication much easier but precious relationships now feel less valuable. That person you met once at the bus-stand and your friend from kindergarten both get to know together that you’ve passed a great exam. Due to these electronic media, real interactions have decreased and so have real life conversations. This leads to feeling more distant from loved ones, even though one can have a thousand friends or followers. And so, let us pray now that social media does not end up as that weapon we use against ourselves, daily.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hi there Duke, Stella here!
So I don't really know what a college writing prompt is looking for but I found that this was a bit choppy. Obviously you're working with a word limit so that's only to be expected! But I think that you do jump around a little bit too much. I really like the original scene a lot, it's a creative introduction and I really liked how subtly you put the point across there. It wasn't too "young people today" because the mother is also on Twitter- that was a nuance that I really liked.
Then you go into discussion, I think that "the above scene" sounds really awkward and could be fixed. The discussion is fine too. I really didn't like the last scene though, or your introduction to it. It feels a cheat to use Conan Doyle's characters and not your own, and I think you would benefit more from having more discussion and putting this point across within the discussion rather than in a whole new scene. I also don't think it was as an impressive or nuanced or pertinent example as the first, and maybe a little arbitrary. Because we realise things have changed, and I think you'd do better to stick with your present and spend a little longer delineating your thoughts than jumping onto this instead.
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
Yes, thank you. A lot. ^_^
Hey dogs!
So I am not sure if you have the right ratio of example to information here. This is meant to be a response to the prompt about your opinions about social media, but the example with Maria takes up a lot of room - also one rarely goes to the ER for small cuts, how seriously is this girl cutting her fingers? She should just stop cooking.
My main problem is that this seems like a story with a bit of a "lesson" attached. I'd swap your organisation so that we get the information first and then are introduced to two very different scenarios. When we look at the information and then the scene we respond to the scene with the information in mind, and this makes how bizarre Maria's behaviour is so noticeable. We realise that Maria Maya don't talk as much, that Maria is relying on social media rather than on personal interactions in order to communicate.
You don't mention how the government connects to their constituents through social media, how information is traded in a speedy manner, how one can leave a note for their friends and family when calling isn't so easy. People whose family are halfway across the world can communicate as though they're in the same room, reinforcing familial bonds and keeping away loneliness and homesickness. The keeping and trading of photographs and memories via Facebook and Tumblr, how you can meet like minded people, how people who are potentially ignored or unhappy in their own lives can find new happiness online. So by this I think I mean that you mostly ignore the incredible positives related to social media, even though your points of worry are definitely legitimate ones. I'd reduce Maria's scene and add some further content.
Also, your last line is super preachy and weird to read. It's just really... over the top? Something more direct and less sanctimonious (I know you don't meant to be like that, it's just how it comes through the line) might work out better. Like "Therefore, society must come to regard social media carefully, lest it end up a daily weapon against their users." or something.
I think this is good, just needs a little more objectivity and a little less ranty-feeling? Hit me up with questions and the like, as always.
~ Pen.
Hahah, okay. You should know, I'm not dogs. I'm Duke.
And thank you so much for taking the time to give such a thoughtful review.
I was in an extreme hurry so I know there's a lot of fix here. Do you think I should eliminate the 2nd scene altogether? Like Stella mentioned?
So sorry! Late night review! Uhm, yes. I'd take it out. This might be too late now, I didn't realise you commented!
Thanks anyways ^_^
And yeah, I did take the 2nd scene out in my re-edited submission.
How dose blood git into the food since her wound is raped up.
Know I am not sure of the point that you wrote it but I think that it is good grammar and spelling.
Maybe if you write another peace this I can read it and fined out but in the mane time.
Keep writing and good luck.
1.*does *get *wrapped up
And blood got into her food BEFORE she went to the ER.
2. It was written for college writing contest. The prompt of that has been put on top in Bold.
3.*another piece *find out *mean time
4. Thank you
Nest time though brother, don't review from a touch-screen keypad