Published March 9, 2013
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141,311 Literary Works • 674,341 Reviews
Hi there! This was a really bone chilling piece. Your word structure and fluency was really well! I don't see any grammatical errors so good job! You were able to express so much emotion into such a short span which is rare among most poets. I really hope to see more works from you in the future! Let me know if you have any questions!
Keep On Writing!!!
--Jalmoc
I have a question: if you had to improve at least one aspect in this piece, what would that be?
Hello there! I will be doing your review for today. First off, this is both beautiful and chilling. The way you portray war is so chilling, gruesome, yet so real. The emotion here was en-pointe, as was the figurative language. The imagery was disturbing,but that's okay because that's how a real war is. I also wrote about a war titled, "Children of War". Anyway, now onto the substance.
This poem is fantastic, however I do have a few suggestions. For example, the I have a question about the stanza about the shriek of a mother. It says her fathers. I'm not really sure what you meant when you said "her father". Lastly, the final line in that stanza says "burnt dust, just another". I think maybe you could have been a bit more descriptive there.
Other than that, this poem is both tragic and beautiful. You raised such a great point here. You have really done a good job.
Thank you.