##The portions in italics are from 'If I die young' by I think 'The Band Perry' or sth similar. This song is being heard##
If I die young, bury me in satin, Lay me down on a, bed of roses…
Worked out, bored- she lay on her bed,
humming on, to the song in her head,
her frown, the mess- like an explosion instead,
from her life to this scenery here it’s spread.
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be…
her humming now continued,
again silently.
The mirror never lied,
probably was her best friend,
the one real friend,
she’s ever met.
The round silver mirror,
right above her bed,
her favorite place,
her favorite image to stare at.
A smile now,
spread across her face,
‘let’s forget it all,
just live for today.’
Lying down,
back on her head,
the chorus began
and she joined in.
-Sink me in the river- at dawn, Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, well-I've had just enough time-…
Love, friendship- all but failed,
all the relationships, she’s cherished till yet.
Is it her fault,
at the end of the day?
Is she really the selfish, troublemaker they say?
I've never known the lovin' of a man,
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand…
‘Oh, love forever!’
under her breath she thought it over,
who would have thought forever could be severed….
‘been there, done that- love ain’t true.’
She’s changed her hopes now,
‘there’s much more to go on for.’
Growing up, 17 years spent in one school-
the 'friends' she’s had ever since 2,
was she really
the one to betray?
Or were they the ones
who screwed up her game?
Questions unanswered,
doubts remain
all gone- goodbye,
let a new life begin.
What I never did is done…
A sigh,
deep down she wished things could change.
A penny for my thoughts,
oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar.
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner,
Yes she was a pretty girl,
Probably the prettiest in school-
Did they all hurt because they're jealous,
or did she hurt them too?
Is it that a friend can't take negativity?
Or was practicality her flaw?
A sigh, and now her thoughts,
can't help- can't change it all.
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'-
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'…..
Will they all remember?
Will he soon forget her?
Gone but now, memories
are the best of all she’s got.
-Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket-
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them….
3 and a half years
of relationship done,
how did that happen?
Was it the right choice,
or was she wrong?
If only, if only…’
No! now all it's done.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,254 Literary Works • 673,072 Reviews
Hello there!
Great poem. The way you incorporated the song lyrics in fit it perfectly. They really went with what you were trying to say.
One thing that I may suggest is separating it out into stanzas, because might be the slightest bit overwhelming to look at while you're trying to read. But that's just my opinion.
(Just a few minor issues with formatting there...) I'm using this as a kind of example of what I was talking about before. I think this should be a new section from the first, since it transitions to a different topic. But that's just what I think. If you disagree, feel free to leave it the way it is.
I think this part of the poem matches with the song lyrics the best. It really seems like it's going back and forth between reality and the person's thoughts. It's really interesting.
However, I find the end of this part a little confusing. I had to read it a couple times to get the meaning of it. That might need a little rewording. But I don't know. Maybe that's just me
Overall, this was really great. Nice job!
~Devan
Really great poem! I think it was great how you added the lyrics in there, a super-duper idea. I usually like poems when they are broken into verses, but I think maybe it is best the layout you put. It really suites the poem. One little typo here, and thats all I can see:
I think the t was meant to be on the same line. But apart from that all is good!
Keep writing!
Deanie x
L-O-V-E-D this piece! Sorry to say though, it was just too long for my capasity. I read like not even half but I liked it! Next time, make it a tad-bit shorter, okay? I'll love it even MORE then!
Weird thing is, it played out like a song in my maind but then again...I had to go like "Oh! It's a poetry! Haha! Silly Me!" It was beautiful, as far as I see it 
Keep up the splendid JOB! Oh and YAY! Your last one got featured!!! Sorry I can't quite recall the name 
I know, I'm stupid! But that's what staring at the computer screen can do to you! 
Take care....