The blind girls plea

hey this is a beautiful poem and it makes you feel what the blind girl is going through.I love the rhyming and think that you have got real talent to be a poet but only if thats what you enjoy doing.

I really didn't understand the title till I read the second stanza.If the girl is really intended to be depicted blind then the poem suddenly becomes very clear on a second reading.

Using the heart to see was really well used in the last stanza.I guess it suggested how she felt and only using the heart to see would indicate how she feels.

A very different poem!

Wow, that was really beautiful. I agree the title doesn't really match, but that's easy enough to change.

Thanks so much for posting.

Hey!

When I was reading your first stanza, I had absolutely no idea where you were going with this. But then I read your second stanza, and I loved it. Great job.

I would suggest adding in some punctuation to help your first stanza flow a little bit better.

I would definitely change the title. It doesn't really work with your poem, and I think, if anything, it helped make your poem more confusing.

Look at me she hints to the boy with blue eyes

Hello. I'm Ellie. I'll be your reviewer for today!

I. Title

I don't really like the title. I think it is a little childish and un-exhilarating. Maybe you could try something like:

Blackness Plea / Plea of Blackness [Blackness = Blind]
Color in the Dark
Those are just some ideas I came up with. You can choose another if you feel like it, or if you love your tile, you should at least re-order your words.
[e.g] The Plea of the Blind Girl

II. Stanzas

DreamyMoon wrote:Look at me she says with the wind in her hair
Look at me she cries with all the strength she can spare.
Look at me she thinks as he sun sets quick
Look at me she whispers when the stars turn blue.
Look at me she screams with a heart of fragile clay,
Look at me she laughs as she speaks only to the day.
Look at me she wishes while the night begs her to dream,
Look at me she demands through tears of determination,
Look at me she begs for the sake of a declaration.
Look at me she hints to the boy with blue eyes
Look at me she murmurs to the dusk in mid march
Look at me she orders to those who speak harsh.

To look is one thing she said one day
But to see is something that rarely can be,
So don't use you eyes, use your heart,
Then you can realize how to look at me!

Hey! Uh, I like it, but cut the entire first bit. Yeah, all of it. Those four little lines are Brilliant. Dat's all you need, chicka bee. Oh, Itsallme_2003, aren't you a little old to be a newb?

Ok, so here goes, my first review.
I like the poetic devices, however the rhyming structure is slightly haphazard. The first two lines being a rhyming couplet worked nicely and i had hoped that would continue throughout the piece, however due to it being only a reoccuring theme it seemed to become slightly random. I feel that this might have voided the device.
As previously posted i liked the abstract idea of the piece about being able to "see" the colours, this created a base for the ending.
I wonder about the metaphors of the piece though, were these constructed it was it merely luck, perhaps rereading the piece to yourself you might be able to build on these metaphors that have naturally occured and give the poem some extra layers.

I liked this. It's kind of abstract, but really neat.

Ok, critique...: first some typos

DreamyMoon wrote:Look at me she thinks as the sun sets quick

Look at me she murmurs to the dusk in mid March

Look at me she hints to the boy with blue eyes

To look is one thing, she said one day

I like this. I think that at first it made no sense because of your title. You were talking about all of these colors when she can't see? Then you go into the last part and tell what you mean. Yes I like it.