Chapter one of the Infected Chronicles

by fallenoutofgrace

Published November 2, 2014

In The infected Chronicles

Hannah

I travel down the work space, my trusted wrench in hand, as I begin my work. My eyes glaze upward toward the looming sadistic beast of wires and gears. My hands reach shakily inside the shard of metal being held away by a thin piece of tubing; protecting me from a fatal mistake. Sinister red glowing eyes glared down at its intended victim. The sudden snap of the flimsy pipe shattered as crushing shards of metal teeth, devouring my flesh once again. My blood curdling screams became endless as the moments trying to disable the beast took effect. The grounded threads of flesh, and single fibers of tendons hung loosely intertwined in the gears. My vision flickered as my limbs began to give way to the sweet relief of unconsciousness. The soft purrs of the metal beast as it devoured my flesh rapidly. Enjoying its delectable treat.

A gasp ran through my frantic body as I refocus on where I am, my hand moves slowly toward my left side. Feeling my arm. Still there I thought sighing in relief. A smile started to form, not today bastard. Not today. I thought to myself. Slowly at first, I roll over to my side into an upright position. Another day in bloody paradise I think bitterly to myself as I get up for the oncoming day.

Our house was what used to be the housing development of the material of the Fence. Half was closed off because of a fire that charred all on the left wing. Selena and I lived on the right house that was now abandoned for about 3 years. We found this place when we adverted the capture from the trackers rounding up anyone that wouldn't be missed. Typical fears of a level three citizen was being taken into Loki's possession. It took them three months to gather enough material to build their home. To the left nearest to the wall was the bathroom. Selena helped dig a whole deep enough to function, also trading services for a seat and a box that gave the appearance of a toilet. Next to that, was the shower. Took all my efforts to rig it up with nuke warm water; the idea came from a friend from work using the sun's heat.

Toward the middle of the room were all the cloths and blankets they could scavenge for to make the warmest place of the section. A trashcan fire gave heat for the bitter nights and on cloudy days to warm up the water for the showers they used.

Our entrance was a board up door with a loose board, easier to go unseen. Chains hung loosely on the ceiling holding a long metal table upward used before to hold the tools of the few workers. Now it was for storage of our food that was saved from other nights.

My eyes trace over to my sister Selena snoring in the bundled blankets. She wouldn't' t be up for another hour or so,  as I got ready for work. In order to afford blankets and supplies at the black market we both worked in the factories to make ends meet. It's not paradise but it works.

I grab a piece of some what stale bread and begin to work the dough in between my teeth enjoying  the feel of food and the large lump it took up going down my throat. My thoughts focused on the slumbering form's mutter “Don’t forget to oil.” A chuckled rose up as I shook my head “I will,” I say to the sleeping bundle of blankets and other cloths.

After a few moments more, I was ready to leave for the upcoming day and said my quick good byes before exiting our sanctuary. My gaze move upward to the rising sun. Its vibrant purple tendrils expanding outward to cover the entire dark skies, succumbing lights. Soft patches of sunlight glistened off the desperate buildings seeking refuge from the sinking ground they lay on. A smile slipped from my blank slate watching the sky. It was one of the few moments I loved. The few moments where level one  looked beautiful, like a sleeping Caterpillar awaiting its change in the safety of its cocoon. My eyes focused upward, instead of the large homeless clans that scattered around. Like bees staying root in their massive hives.

My attention moved as we started to reach the second level. The lopsided over grown mess of weeds and gnarled concretes of sidewalk changed to pristine roads and street signs. I left the broken destroyed allies of level three to the looming city of level two.

The auto factory would be on the outskirts of the home section. In addition, toward the business routes. I moved seeing the factory on sight.

The factory was a looming beast made from crackling bricks held together by ancient mortar. The looming tubes snuffed out the black smoke that left a person covered in black smooth covering away their own mindless identity.

The garage was toward the left side where the cars where sent packing and finished off, to the right was the factory floor. Where from the smallest lugnut, to the largest engine was created. Our Magnificent Leader was so generous he allowed us to have one working conveyer belt, anything more than that would be insanity.

I head my way past the shuffling people, hunched over from years of trapped corners all day. The Auto crew, what the very few actual mechanics are called l spend their days going over the very important client’s vehicle to make sure their perfect for the level one citizens. Only the very best for the best level.

My eyes moved past the garage door to my best friends. Rico, Brandon, and Big easy.

Rico smiled “Hey looks what the cat dragged in guys, it’s our very own hannbann” he joked. The creases of his skin revealing his true age, his liver spot concentrated near his nearly catalyst left side.

Brandon turned and grinned picking up an oil can “ Just in time, not come over here, better take care of you before we get started” he said patting the working desk beside him.

I smile moving over hopping off holding out my metal beauty big easy made for the maintenance work needed.

Brandon looked at it, “looks like we’re going to need to put a new screw into the joint pretty soon. “He said. Taking the oil to lubricate the bending joints, wiping away the excess spotless. “Give it a test,” he said grinning.

I smile and try it moving the bending point of the joint where my elbow would be watching it swing on its hinges, then tried to clamp down and watch the clawed end pinch. And smiled “Works like a charm.” I say to Brandon.

Big easy laughed, “Better I took apart a beaut of a mustang to find the parts for the motor.”

I laughed “You sure it wasn't the wife? How’s the kids anyway Big E?” I ask

Big easy smiled, “You know the normal, kids wondering why daddy isn't home for dinner most nights. You know Tiffany started dating. Where does the time go” he said

I nod “Wow, that's great. You taught her the saying you taught me?” I ask smiling. Remembering looking up at big E's lumbering form. His powerful tree trunks for arms patting her small frame gently the memories of his voice saying now when a boy approaches and ask to play doctor what do you do? I kick him in his nuts and say, “How’s that for playing doctor!”

Big E laughed, “You know it hanban, now come on, your helping me today. Rico and Brandon are working the assembly line right now,” he said.

I nod saying goodbye to Rico and Brandon as they lumbered away heading over to Big E.

Big E nodded waiting until I slipped on my tool belt before passing me the tools they be using to have them on hand. “Were working on a model X, high hydrolysis based with a gnarly paint job we need to fix.

I nod looking at the beaut. The wings were a bit rusty but a nice gleam and some elbow grease would do that good. The three-foot broader would need to repair since it was torn in half. The engine seemed in good shape just a good tune up. I moved already picking up a wrench to screw in a few lug nuts tighter. “It’ll need another fly-up to” I say looking down at the long pipe that measured the levels, flightier fluid that made its home in a tube rested next to the engine. Model X's unlike per-historic cars could drive on ground or in the air, depending on how wealthy, the family was and if they worked in the skyline and not in level two.

Big easy nodded, “ all work on the fly up if you do the paint job. The client wants your signature ghost flames with the original Loki green color,” he said. Finishing up with the boarder before working on fixing the fly up

I nod moving to grab the mask fitting it to my small figure before placing the glossed goggles overhead. With my paint can in hand I began my job on the Model X. Working on the back first until big easy was done first painting the first coat in the Loki green color, which reminded her of freshly grown moss dripping with life. Once that was done, I moved painting subtle shades of black across the middle, blending it together with a darker shade of green. Bending down to make sure it all looked cohesive, before moving on shades of dark purples to makes the flames pop up ever so slightly making the ghost flames perfect in my opinion. I heart the subtle grunt coming off Big easy letting me know he was done. The rest of the car didn't take much time stepping back at my look grinning, this was by far my best work.

Big easy laid a big hand on my shoulders squeezing them softly with pride an approval, “You did good hanban, you did good” he said.

I smiled looking at him “Thanks big Easy” I say happily. The rest of the day flew by, we ended up finishing five model X's by the time it turned dusk Big easy and me were covered in snoot and grease. I use my fingers to comb through by dripping onyx hair taking out most of the excess before checking the time; Selena will be getting home soon. I say good-bye to everyone before making my way back home, taking a small lead pipe with me after Big easy order.

I take the back streets this time, the trackers worked best during the night. Taking anyone they can grab before the sun reveals the nightmares that take place. My eyes work scanning every shadow hoping never to meet their master's. Then it happened. The shadows just ahead of me in the road stood three large men dressed in black shirts and jeans, black gloves and mask cover their identity.

I jump in the nearest building moving toward the slits of the window to see what they would do. If they checked my building I was dead, if they passed I would be saved. Beads of sweat formed around my furrow brow. My muscles locked up as adrenaline coursed through my icy veins. I felt my hands grip onto the lead pipe thanking big easy for being right. I lean in a bit, straining to hear what they were saying.

They were loading people in black hoods and chains into the van. A gruff voice echoed through my skull.

“Easy night, these squatters are getting easier and easier to catch. Hardly a challenge anymore” spoke the first man.

The second man, slightly smaller than the first, “yea, hey do you think if we find a few more capt will let us have our fun? He always gets first pick.”

The firstman spoke again a round of laughter echoed, “Maybe, Guess we'll just have towait and see. But, I think we got everyone for tonight” he said.

A groan arose from somewhere, “ alright then let’s get out of this dump heap.” he said hopping into the shotgun of the truck, the first man hopped in the driver’s seat leaving the other two men clutching the rails on either side of the van on the back. A few moments later, they were gone.

I shutter in relief safe, now let’s get out of here I hope Selena wasn't one of the hoods I thought picking up my pace to head home now. It took five more minutes to get to the hidden passage to the warehouse looking in I saw with relief Selena sitting in one of the chairs we bought smiling.

Selena looked at my face and nodded already guessing what happened, “Glad you got pass them unnoticed,” she said getting up heading over.

I nod looking “they’re getting closer to the warehouses, were going to have to be more careful,” I say

Selena nodded hugging me close, like a big sister comforting her shaken sibling. “I know, but until that time were safe,” she said.

I nod smiling hugging her close, “so which house are we going to tonight?” I ask

Selena smiled “ were going to a friend from work's house, his name's Ryder.” she said pushing me playfully, “come on it about a three minute walk from here.” she said.

I nod and follow her out toward the house, allowing my mind to wander. Then like waking up from a dream, we were there. In front of us stood a small two-story house,bricks covered the cracking mortar. Selena knocked on the massive mahogany cherry door.

I watch as a boy's head peeped out before opening it. He was tall with broad shoulders that held up the smiling tousled blonde hair head. His gray eyes focus on the two crinkling as his smile widen, “come in, suppers done.” he said stepping out of the way.

I nod my head in thanks heading inside, Selena right behind.

Inside was warm a combination of candles and lights  that lit the house emitting a comforting glow everywhere, pictures hung everywhere of the family. The house was an open concept house each room connecting to the next making the house seem bigger than it was.

Selena smiled “thanks, this is Hannah she's my sister, Hannah this is Ryder” she said

I smile“hey, nice to meet you” I say offering a hand

Ryder grinned taking my hand pulling me into a hug, “nice to meet you.” he said before letting go, “come on dining rooms right this way,” he said leading the two toward the dining room.

The dining room was a medium sized room that held a large wooden rickety table with chairs, a small lap laid in the center lighting the table with its warm glow. Large cabinets nestled toward the right looming down at the family; the kitchen connected the room emitting strong aromas of roasted meat that wafted through the area.

I felt my stomach explode in a series of gruntal growls; my mouth began to create the Niagara Falls as the aromas kissed my nostrils.

Selena smiled pulling out a seat for me before moving to help Ryder's Mom, Nancy set the table. I take my seat moving the chair forward looking between Ryder and his father. His father was what looked to be in his middle thirties with gray lines already forming around his sideburns. His calculating eyes held the mind of a scholar, yet his stature read a man that has walked through hell and lived to speak of his tales. 

Soon Selena and Nancy returned with a feast, setting the table.  The mixture of the four of them glancing between Selena and me as if trying to figure out what we were about, In some senses, it was unnerving to be the attention.

I forked in as much food I could without seeming like a compete animal. I just could not stop everything was amazing. Between the savoring turkey that melted on my tongue. The mash potatoes dancing  across my tantalizing taste buds begging for more. Soon my head came off the glorious high, telling my body to stop.

I glanced across the table, hiding  a chuckle; Selena was staring down in utter disbelief, this was by far the best houses we have been to in a long time.  She was the one that finally broke the silence, “ so Ryder did you finish school?” she asked, for level two citizens they had the ability to go to school for half the day and then work the rest, for some families they hired tutors to teach them after working a full day of work.

Ryder looked at Selena smiling, “yea I stopped going a couple years ago, factory needed workers, books only need wasted time,” he said.

Selena nodded “yea, glad they didn't have any more progress reports” she said talking to Ryder in code it seemed to me, I didn't really pay attention.

Ryder nodded “I know right, the boss must real-” he stopped mid-sentence after seeing his mother's death glare her voice came out shrill.

“I told you there is no talking about work in this house,” she said grounding down the turkey with vengeance.

That was the end of the table chatter.

Afterward Selena helped clean up and soon it was time to go, they were able to come back next Tuesday for dinner, which lifted the weight off both of their shoulders.

Hannah and Selena both headed back home and soon curled in to their little bed. Hannah whispered, " Night". and listened to the soft voice replying, " Don't let the bed bugs bite." Selena faced away revealing purple bruises along her shoulders, and the bruises were shaped as a large hand. I tried to ask Selena what happened, but her lulling form told me she was sleeping. Soon the rhythm of her rise and fall and the toll of the day's events sent me spiraling blissfully into darkness.

Just one more day I breathed sleepily out, just one more day

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Satira
Review
Satira wrote a review Review · Nov 6, 2014

okay, this is what i'm going to say. i'm not really nitpick, and i don't mind too much about grammar/spelling. i mean, that probably won't improve the quality of your writing, so i'm not gonna touch on that.

what i did see that stood out to me was that you used a ton of adjectives. Sometimes, adjectives are great. they describe things. they bring color and texture and feeling to a story. But often, you can cut out adjectives, because they can disrupt the flow of the narrative and make it sorta dense(hard to read).
since i'm looking at your last paragraph here, and i'm too lazy to go up to the top, i'll point out some things from the very end:

.The purple bruises, etc.-i would stay on this subject a while longer. if she's sleeping, it definitely gives your main character a chance to examine the possibilities of what happened. it sounds like she was abused, so it's a very serious thing that i don't think your character should 'spiral blissfully into darkness' after seeing.

'.spiraling blissfully into darkness'- the 'blissfully' DOES add to the story, because it describes her as blissful, where we otherwise wouldn't know it. But it disrupts the flow and, see last bullet. it does't sound realistic.

'breathed sleepily out'. No to the 'sleepily'. How do you 'breathe sleepily'? You're always breathing, until you're dead. your tiredness doesn't affect your breathing like it does your brain and your muscles.

keep writing!

Thanks and yea definintly have to cut back on adjetives. Thanks for the help

User avatar
Dreamy
Review
Dreamy wrote a review Review · Nov 3, 2014

Hello there, Dreamy here for a short review. So, let's get to business. This chapter was interesting but as I was reading, it become utterly distracting with the typos. Let me point it out for you.

seat and a box to gave the appearance of a toilet.


The "to+gave" did not make sense. Since the paragraph was in past tense, you will have to change "to" to "that"

or to I thought as I got ready for work.


Not "to" but "two"

The few moments where are level looked beautiful,

I think "are" has no role in this sentence.

My attention moved as we started to reach the second level.


Who are we? I thought Hannah was alone.

of the home section. and toward the business routes.


No full stop there. I know, it's very typo. >_<

made from crackling bricks he;d together by ancient mortar


I didn't quite understand this.

Big easy nodded, “ all work on the fly up if you do the paint job. The client wants your signature ghost flames with the original Loki green color” he said. ,finishing up with the boarder before working on fixing the fly up.


Something else that I noticed is that, you have not capitalised your first letter at the beginning of your dialogue. You have to take care of that.

hoping to never meat their master's.


meet

and mask to ? cover there their identity.


My muscles locked up as adrenaline coursed through her icy veins.


Who is "her" again?

sitting in one of the chairs we bought, smiling.


I nod my head in thanks heading inside Selena right behind.


You can re-phrase this, because it reads weird.

Inside the house, there was a warm a combination of candles and lights that lit the house, emitting a comforting glow everywhere, pictures hung everywhere of the family. The house was an open concept, house each room connecting to the next, making the house seem bigger than it was.


You can obviously omit my re-phrase of this sentence. I do hope you understand how complex it was. It felt very jumbled.

Soon Selena and Ryder's mom returned with a feast it seems setting the table the rest of the night was silent.


I did not understand the part that's in bold.

In some senses it was unnerving to be the attention I thought.


In this sentence, I just thought that you could omit "thought" because I, as a reader, understood that it was your thought, after all this was written in the first person.

She was the one that finally broke the table silence ,



Ryder looked to at Selena smiling,


The two of them headed back home and soon curled in to their little bed,


Who are they?

Okay, so I think you are having trouble writing in first-person perspective. Because, as I have pointed out, there were lots of places where you have said "they" "them" instead of "us & we" I myself had the trouble. I suggest you to be more careful and proof-read it before you submit because it's very disturbing and your reviewers will be forced to write a tutorial rather than comment on the plot line.

As long as the plot and characters goes, I liked the way you carried out Hannah and her work-place friends. I liked the fact how you gave them a personality right in the first chapter. The plot seems like the "hot news" from day-to-day life, so it will be intriguing and curious to know how your characters will carry out but you have to pay equal and real attention to the way you are going to present it. Even if it's a rough draft, make it presentable to your reviewers.

Hope this helps.
Keep writing!

Cheers! :D

Thanks for pointing out the typos, i was using a new computer and haven't quite figured out the keys :) You really helped me out and thanks again all be sure to fix those pesky typos

Dreamy replied · Nov 3, 2014

Heh! Glad I could help. :D Anytime, love. :)



I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov