Infected Chronicles: prolouge

by fallenoutofgrace

Published August 15, 2014

In The infected Chronicles

PreviousNext

Loki

I gazed outward through reflective panels of glass, toward vast features of rolling hills. They connected with blissful swirls of pink and blue clouds, which kissed the luminous ground below.

I couldn't be happier.

My hands clutched the thick, clear vial in a tight fist. This object held all of my dreams. My ambitions. My greatest desires. My greatest task. "One day this will be mine," I whispered, eyes fixed beyond the window.

My eyes traced the beginnings of my soon to be kingdom. Toward the outer right, closet to the vast mountains stood level one. Where huts clustered together like a swarm of worker bees. Dark allies clustered all around hiding the nightmares, that the night brought out. Their broken down houses and abandon lots, being taken over by billowing grass climbing up the ancient walls. These were the greatest eye sore to my kingdom he thought bitterly.

Toward the left in the fields rested the a commendations of Level two. My working class citizen's home stood in formation. Each ranging from looming apartment buildings. Where brittle bricks cracked revealing its age.

All around the city rested the hulking walls, the City limits were a massive circular wall made from steel and wired currents of electricity. This gave the protection and security of curious minds I thought.

Level three rested where giants of steel and glass that shimmered like a crown jewel. The parks around held delicate benches and swaying magical trees that stood guard. Where shops brought out the wonders of everywhere for those of the wealthiest families lived. This he thought was my greatest joy.

A warm debonair smile formed as my mind wandered, replacing the reflection of me with that I most craved. Power. A crown rested upon my brow flawlessly. Its delicate arches of gold in twined with jewels that blazed on the tips of spikes. White cotton covered parts of my ruffled light brown hair as determined Grey eyes sparkled with joy.

My attention was brought back to reality, chasing away the fantasy along with it. The sound of muffled footsteps echoed around the room as the most precious part of my plan entered.

Experiment 0001. The prototype that would lead to many more like him to stand by my side. His built was lean, perfect for the assignment. His washed out brown eyes locked on mine.

My memory flashed back to the early days of the plan and the experiments that were conducted. Experiment 0001 was a street urchin, a boy no one would ever miss or think about. And in the brilliance of science was transformed in the perfect weapon. The perfect prototype.

I looked waiting until he stood at attention by me.

"Father?" He acknowledged nervously.

"You know your mission, correct?" I demanded. I had let myself turn toward the man; waiting like a school teacher would for a lacking student's response.

The man nodded. "I am to neutralize all workers. Then commence with the termination of myself," he responded obediently.

I nodded in return, pleased. " Good. You are dismissed," I stated, not even watching to make sure he leaves. I know he won't fail. It's impossible for him to do anything but follow commands.

He left quickly.

I watched before sighing, on to the next priority. My eyes flicked back toward the window, soon my kingdom will have citizens if my plan works I thought.

My legs increase the speed as I move toward the looming tower. My legs raced up the circulating stairwell heading closer toward the top. Soon i reached my destination the beacon. The beacon was the capsule that would make everything work. Inside was a small air cannon that would spread the disease into the atmosphere making sure no one was safe from it's touch. I place the vial inside the containment unit. Before imputing the numerous number code, cranking the rustic lever. I watched as the mesmerizing hum of the machine became active, waking from its slumber. A fine mist spread across the land, following the land. In a matter of days; the disease would continue its force and send all to the city, the paradise away from the deadly virus. 

My thoughts filtered outward into memories of this brilliant day.

" Can you see it my boy! All of this! Every last bit of land will soon be apart of the New order. And you and me will be there together" he said, his voice drew rough and ragged from old age. A bony webbed hand rested on my shoulder squeezing the warmth and joy we both felt. 

" Really Father? everything?" i asked aloud unable to fathom our creation. Father told me years before when he first rescued me from the rancid gutters, that he worked for years on the cities limits, the walls down to the building. He told me stories of war and how the world was in the early 2000's. Our creation was almost done. I smiled kneeling down, My face inches from my beloved father's face. His cold raspy breath tickled mt cheek as i listened to him tell stories again. 

His voice began to shake and coughs ran havoc shuddering his whole body. His shaky white hand released the grip of his chair covering his lips. A thin strain of thick red spit followed his hand away; Jerks sent him spiraling across. Rivets of crimson tears bled from his eye sockets, his mouth and nose. Boils appeared out of no where pulsing more blood out of the open wounds. Until noting left but a mangled corpse drenched in its own liquid life force.

My voice wouldn't work nothing worked but the howling rolls of anguish and misery escaping my frozen lips. My legs deserted me as I fell to the ground a huddle being, lesser than before. Today marked the end of me i thought. As i picked up his body, caressed in my arms. I set out for the old willow tree his favorite shaded spot as i began to dig. A promise exploded through my mind, Displaying the plan into my renta's. I would follow through with our plan. I will see the day where my father's dream and mine will become reality.

" For you father, Our dream has come true." i whispered snapping out of the memories that still cripped me with misery. Like an anchor slowly bringing me to my own demise.

*********************************

Graham

I hastened my speed as I entered the armory. It was a twenty by twenty room, with a large steel pinusal in the center. Steel shelves held the weapons the Leader desired.

Toward the right of the room, hanging off the walls were the blades, glistening my distorted figure. Toward the left held what I came for. The guns. I select a semi-automatic .45 caliber pistol, placing a single bullet in its chamber.

Without further delay, I increased my speed to a jog, heading toward the Labs. The Labs used to be a warehouse, but was converted to their needs as a workplace. As I entered, a cool air embraced my jittery body. The lab was split into three sections. Section A, where they were now, was for the computers to input data taken from the other sections. It was a relatively spacious room roughly around thirty by forty. Computers were stacked toward the right side of the walls running soundlessly. The rest were open in case of an incident in the other sections. Section A was the go to when things went bad I thought. Section B was where they trained people like me. I thought back to the needless trials on the treadmills. The test to strengthen my tactics and my strength. Then section C. A section I was never permitted to enter; but rumors said that was where the plans for the city and the workers themselves, their jobs, their lives, their everything. My gaze focused on the intercom. The loud chirp of the speakers coming alive seemed to introduce His crackling voice. "All workers please report to section A. All workers."

My eyes wandered toward the mass of bodies facing me.

" What is it, Graham?" a large man asked, a clipboard clutched in his possessive hands.

A smile broadened on my lips. I prayed that they couldn't see through the mask I put up to hide the truth.

Loki wanted me to show you my newest trick," I lied. "So if you don't mind getting closer together? I really don't want to hurt you." I explain. A smirk flashed across my face as I watched them murmur their agreements to follow orders. Like lemmings being led to their demise, I thought.

As if on auto pilot, I began to run. My legs blurred into a mass of speed. The images around me blurred into flashes of colors while everything around remained motionless. As I reached three hundred miles per hour, sweat beaded down my brow. Within the circle, an air tight vortex formed, sucking. Smothering the blood curdling screams of the workers inside, trying to find a way to survive. My ears focused on the wind, trying to take my mind off their screams. My heart felt as if it would implode at any moment, already beating rapidly against my rib cage.

After a moment longer, the screams died, revealing shuddering silence. My legs skidded to a halt, trembling as the muscles strained to hold my weight upright.

The image that I witnessed next destroyed me. All of the Institutes workers. The family I never had.

Dead.

Their pale blue toned skin glistened droplets of sweat. Their veins bulged outward seeking air that never came. Their lips curved into silent screams forever. All because of me.

And then something clicked inside of me.

My hands anxiously raked through my moist hair. I took deep breaths. I'm a murderer. Was this all I was? Just a drone designed to follow a merciless task? Did I even matter to him?

I thought-- I thought that Loki loved me. That I was his pride and joy. That I...I was his son he rescued after I passed the test.

I shook my head, ridding it of these lies. " No-- No he knows what he's doing. You have to follow through."

My thoughts turned to the What Ifs. "What do I have meeting me?" I looked to the ceiling. "Is there a god for people like me?" “Would they even save me?”

Like a puppet being lead by its strings, my hand moved to the gun's holster attached to my waist, taking out the pistol. My clouded mind shakily positioned the gun by my left temple. The cool kiss of metal greeted me.

" For you, Father," I gasped. My body flinched as the pistol clicked my death into place.

With a gruntal cry, I pulled the trigger.

~~~~~

The corpse stood there for a few moments as if it had not yet realized it was dead. Then, all at once, it came crumbling down in a pool of brainal fluids and crimson blood. Staining the tiled white floors red with the clotting blood.

Just another death taken in the midst of this massacre.

The deed was done.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
rainbowcabbit
Review
rainbowcabbit wrote a review Review · Sep 20, 2014

Hello! I finally get to read this magnificent story. Since I'm sure most people found your grammar mistakes, I will focus more on the plot. I really like the idea as a whole, but there is so much room for improvement. At the beginning, I feel like you shouldn't make Loki envision himself as king. I liked the idea of him being more Hitler like, so instead he should imagine himself more as a father or a savior. The flashback was really great, though, and added a lot to Loki's character. Another thing that could be changed was Graham's reaction. Because he is doing it for his "father", I feel like it should take another moment before he realizes how bad the situation is. Unless of course he was questioning Loki all along, in which that should be emphasized more before he kills his workers. Your ending, as wonderful as it was, shouldn't be there like that. You should keep the whole story in first person, and sadly that ending was in third person. You can easily change this by making those last lines part of Graham's thoughts, or even put it in Loki's point of view if you make him enter the scene. Overall, I cannot wait to see the whole story and I'll be happy to support you through all of it. Keep up the good work! :)

User avatar
erilea
Review
erilea wrote a review Review · Aug 17, 2014

Hello, fallenoutofgrace, good job on publishing!

You spelled prologue wrong in your title. Fix it, no excuses. Also, no spaces after a quotation mark.

"" Good. You are dismissed,""

Speed is used way too much, one too much in these sentences. Try using, oh, I don't know, a different word.

"It was mist that covered the sky. Like partials taking flight at rapid speeds."

"I hastened my speed as I entered the weaponry."

Again, no space after the quotation mark.

"" What is it, Graham?""

You also need that type of mark before this.

"Loki wanted me to show you my newest trick,""

No space after quotation mark, and comma after "No".
"" No-- No he knows what he's doing."

This was good. Keep writing!

-wisegirl22

thanks for the advice

erilea replied · Aug 17, 2014

You're welcome!

User avatar
birk
Review
birk wrote a review Review · Aug 16, 2014

Hey Grace!

Alright, I do love dystopian stories. Especially if they involve science fiction, so I had to check this out.

It's a fairly short chapter and there's not too much I could comment on. However, reading through this I found a fair number of issues. I'll quickly go over what I noticed.

What I mainly missed throughout this chapter was any hint of the world we're in or some scenes. This chapter had no feeling in it. I can't picture the scene and I have no idea what kind of place or location Loki is in during his intro. For all I know he is in a completely empty, dark room which has one lone window with a view of the hills. The same goes for Graham's scenes, though to a lesser extent.

I also have issues placing your characters. Though the story is barely getting started, I have no idea who Loki is, nor who Graham is. Loki has little to no character, and Graham, despite apparently being Loki's 'experiment/android' he actually has more character.

The setting is also hard to tell. As I just mentioned, I'm unsure what Graham is exactly. Is he a person who has been experimented on and now follows all commands mindlessly, or is he some sort of android? In addition, in Loki's daydream he is picturing himself with a crown? Like it's some sort of fantasy.

There are parts within it which I enjoyed and were written well. Overall there's not much else I'd bring up though.

So, I'll just write as I go along:

Edit

A/N Please say whether I should continue this story or not.
I know this is the A/N, but the OCD part of me needs the i to be capitalized. Remember to capitalize all your first person pronouns. ;)

Edit
replacing the reflection of me with what I most craved.

Small edit.

White cotton covered parts of my ruffled light brown hair

This is yet another one of those small things that makes me question what kind of setting this has. He imagines himself with a crown as well as with one of those white powdered wigs they used to wear before that finally died down. It's really distracting.

Experiment 0001.

Again, unsure of what this is. He appears to be human, yet the name you call him here makes it seem very technological. And he was experiment number one? This 'experiment' or whatever it was had no hiccups at all and the first one turned out fine. This isn't a problem of course, but I always question things that go too smooth. Especially in cases like this.

Edit
His build was lean,

Quick grammatical error.

Edit
I looked, waiting until he stood at attention by me.

A comma would look good here.

" Good. You are dismissed," I stated, not even watching to make sure he leaves. I know he won't fail.
First off, in some of your dialogues you have a random space at the beginning. Your spacebar might be a tad iffy. ;)

Secondly, and a fairly big issue. You have some problems with your tenses. You switch them back and forth very often. It's okay to switch between them if you want, but there are certain rules. In this case you changed the tense within the same sentence. Definately a no-go.

It happens here and there, but I'll only bring out the above example and do an edit on it:

Edit
"Good. You are dismissed," I stated, not even watching to make sure he left. I knew he wouldn't fail.

Just a few tweaks and it reads in the same tense. I'd definately recommend sticking to one tense. Past tense is considered the easiest, and I'd agree. Tenses is something I have issues with myself. (They suck)

I moved toward the distributor. This would scatter the disease throughout the city's air.
We have no idea what this thing is. And as stated before, we have no idea where he is. And in the summary you say that Loki is some sort of dictator, yet this is something he creates and distributes personally? This is something I'd picture a mad scientist doing. Lastly, if he is spreading this into the air, how will he avoid succuming to this disease himself?

Edit
Like particles taking flight moving at rapid speeds.

I think this is the word you were shooting for, right?

Steel shelves held the weapons the Leader desired.

Unless 'Leader' is Loki's title, I would decapitalize it.

Edit
Toward the left held what I came for: The guns.

You could totally put in a colon here.

seemed to introduce His crackling voice.

Same deal here. I'd decapitalize this.

Suggestion
Like lemmings being lead to their demise, I thought.

When writing out a character's thoughts, it's good to put them in italics. It looks nicer and is easier to get.

As I reached three hundred miles per hour,

He seems human, yet, here he is running at three hundred miles per hour. I'm really interested to find out what is going on here. In addition, the way he kills off these people are kind of confusing. I like it though. Interesting.

Edit
My heart felt as if it would explode at any moment,

In any case, the heart would explode, not implode.

Just another death taken in the midst of this massacre.

The deed was done.
Alright, the ending got interesting here.

Okay, that's pretty much all I could comment on here. Obviously, I didn't bring up all the issues because I would be repeating myself.

To be honest, while reading though this I didn't feel like I would want to continue reading this. However, as your ending came, I found myself slightly intrigued. I want to know more about what is going on.

I'd need a lot added to this world though. At the moment this feels rather empty. I can't picture much of it and a lot of things are unclear. Keep me updated whenever and if you publish a continuation.

Keep it up, Grace!



Cheers
Birkhoff

Thanks for taking the time for reviewing. But this is the genral gis if the book. Loki is the dictator who has implemented the disease that will lead him to be ruler. Graham was a modified enchanced humans. This was the prolouge on how it started. But thanks!! You really helped me out a lot!



they got that magical iridescence that you don't expect to be on a sky rat y'know
— Ari11