Found this in a folder on my computer... obviously I got bored with because I stopped mid-sentence. I might decide to make something of it, tell me what you think.
~
Amelia peered out the enormous foggy window. Gray clouds peppered the sky, and rolling hills were sprinkled with trees.
She leaned her forehead on the cool glass and closed her eyes. Images raced through her mind and there was no slowing them down.
She wanted a break from thinking. But thinking wasn’t something you took a break from. Thinking was something you had to do if you wanted to be a “person.” Amelia didn’t know anyone who didn’t think, except her Uncle Fred who had been in a coma for six years.
She smiled a bit at the memory of Uncle Fred. He was the family joke, sadly enough. His wife, Clara, refused to take him off life support. Amelia considered the whole thing ridiculous. The poor man should at least be allowed to die without becoming the butt of her family’s lame attempts at humor.
“Mel?”
Amelia opened her eyes slowly.
“Mel? Are you awake?”
Amelia turned around in the window seat to face Laurie.
“Your mother wants to know what you’ve decided about the ball.”
Amelia looked around the room. It was spotless, but to her it may as well have been covered in a layer of dust and grime for all the memories it contained. She sighed.
“Yes, Laurie. Tell my mother yes.”
Laurie beamed, but frowned quickly when Amelia turned back to the window.
“Mel? Oh, Mellie come on. This is ridicu
End of chapter
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a fun little opening. I don't know if we're meant to be laughing at what is currently going on here, but it certainly is making me laugh here. There's just something about the tone of this particular protagonist that just makes this description very funny here as we're slowly introduced to the situation that is currently happening. On top of being funny, it does also manage to be pretty intriguing as well so I think this is in general coming along quite nicely for the moment, let's see where it goes I suppose.
Hmm, well I assumed perhaps the cutting off in the middle of a sentence would not literally, but hmm, well that does appear to be what has happened here and it makes for, well a very incomplete feeling here. After that somewhat humorous introduction we have the beginning of what seems like an interesting conversation there that could go a few places but then it just ends....and we're left kind of wondering here. So..well seems like a fun premise that could go a few places, but needs to be well..continued, although I will say from what we have here, I'd love to see what happens next.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey there!
Well, as the others have already said.. Continue!
It was very.. short (and sweet). Heh. Anyway, please continue writing this. It's kinda killing me since I want to know what's going on, and this doesn't shed much light on things.
So.. Continue writing this story. For our sake and mine. You've intrigued us, and now we want to read the rest!
PM me if you continue writing this piece, alright?
I'd love to read it.
Seeya 'round.
Hi, Drawers. :3
I really like this piece! Your style is concise but tells plenty about the situation.
This is just nitpicking, but I suggest you could add more description about the dialogue, or move the existing description to said dialogue's paragraph (or vice versa).
For example:
If you ever decide to continue this, I shall be anticipating the submission eagerly. Let me know if you do! x3
Jess x
Drawers! I'm KD, here to review your piece today.
Continue! Please continue...if you have an idea! I mean, I shouldn't actually be the judge of whether to continue or not because the reader doesn't really get any sense of the plot whatsoever in this little piece (which obviously isn't bad).
I loved the way you wrote this. I had this peaceful, warm, happy, cozy feeling inside of me the whole time while I was reading this, so naturally I was sad when this stopped abruptly. So, as I said, continue if you have an idea. I'd love to read more!
Hope I helped-
KD
Hey Drawers!
I think this has got potential; again, there's not much for me to go off of, but from what I can tell you obviously have no problem with writing a good starter.
Well, not much for me to say other than you certainly take the description of a cliff-hanger to the next level.
Your writing is beautiful and impeccable, and I'm intrigued by the idea of there being a ball. I love it when books have a ball. So many things can go wrong at it.
Anyways, I'd say continue this if you feel like it and please let me know if/when you post up more.
It's pretty good, but it's too early in the chapter to tell whether or not it has big potential. I say finish the chapter, post it up here, and let we can figure out if it has potential then. It's still too early. :}
It was nice, though, for a chapter stopped mid sentence.
PM me, post on my wall, or go to my tropical shack of reviews by clicking review at the bottom of my signature if you ever need a review or if you lengthen this chapter. I'll be awaiting! :}
Love & Blessings,
Aushy