The soul Short story! Created By DragonNextec
I have been seeing these things like things that aint really there the short story is i can see dead people okay not just any dead people, Just this little girl it all started when i was 10 she appeared to me when i was getting ready for bed, This girl with dark black hair with a short yellow dress, her hair was in pony tails and she had this most amazing smile on her face when ever she saw me,
Todays date 10 years later
Mom I'm getting ready for my interview where is my tie,
"Damon every time you lose that tie one day its going to be the death of you"
What from losing a tie mom?
Okay look mum i don't have time im already late as it is, I'm sorry i love you Kissed her on the cheek as Leave my house i go across the road to the bus stop, i live in a nice neighborhood with nice people and happy people, My house is the nicest house on the street if i can say so myself, Anyways a little girl appears to me,
"so going on your first interview i see i guess there will be no more time for us"
Oh dont worry there will be Samtha,
As im getting on the bus i sit down and Sam is sitting right next to me,
As i said to her you know i have never really asked you what do you do when your not with me?
She said to me
"I dont know i only seem to be happy when im with you" Smiling at me,
Well then im glad your with me Sammy, As i get to the station i see this fight break out, I go in to stop it guys what are you fighting about
"This dosn't concern you freak get out of here"
Pulls a Knife out on me, Then all of a sudden it starts all over again,
I'm at the station and i see a fight Break and Sam says to me don't let it go, So i did and got to the interview with 5mins to spare,
Sam when i get called in i want you to stay outside for me while i do this alone, She just looks at me and smiles, I walk in there and he asks me all these questions and that, after 45mins of the talk I get the job, I come out and Sam isent there anymore, I get home and tell Mom how i got the job she seemed happy for me, Then i went to look for Sam to see what happen to her,
I find her out on the tree outside she says to me
"One day you will met someone very soon and you both will be happy and im going to look after you both"
I said to her ill be looking forward to that,
So a week later, I'm doing well in my new job with Sam by myside she seems to help me alot, anything bad i do she lets me repeat it, Seems to me she is my guarding angel or something,
Anyways life is going good, One day soon after that,
I met this very nice amazing girl named Kimberly, She has Brown hair with red strecks and she always dressed nicly after i met her and weeks go by Sam seemed to stop showing up as time gos by like she is being pulled away from me,
After a year later Sam was not insight at all after the first few months seems like she was fading away and fast, After the first year Kimberly says to me,
"I'm Pregnut"
With both of us Crying in happeness,
With Sam no where to be in sight,
9months after the baby was born it was a girl and when Damon saw her he wanted to call her Samtha, As years go by Damon said to Kimberly, As a child i use to see this little girl and she was always with me till i met you, And after i met you she seem to dissapear month by month
Kimberly looked at me wiard, Samtha came up to me and said daddy daddy my first tooth came out is the tooth fairy going to leave a gold coin under my pillow, Yes baby girl she will,
As i put Samtha down to bed, as i kiss her on the forehead and put her under the sheets and said good night, She said
"Daddy I told you i will always be with you"
The END
hope you enjoyed it :D
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Avidav for a review here,
some of this might already have been said I only skimmed the other
comments. It seems as if they covered the grammar pretty well, so ill try for the story itself. To start the grammar and spelling knocked my reading skills off balance, but then I realized I'm not much better so no judgment lol.
Someone earlier said it seemed rushed and I agree with them. You have an very interesting idea for a story that I haven't heard in this way before, and I would like to read it where I can enjoy it. The story it's self is very choppy jumping from scene to scene with out explaining much. For instance the fight scene, something huge happens here the main character is about to get stabbed then his "ghost" takes him back in time to safety... You wrote this down and the moment is over before I can even figure out what happened, and then the story goes on like nothing happened. I want to know how the character felt its in first person so explain emotions such as why he wanted to break up the fight and maybe his fear once the knife is pulled out, finally what it felt like to reverse time. This is just one part of a few that are lacking description.
The ending jumps over a time period and I'm not sure exactly how long. I know in the beginning the main character is living with his mom so I'm left to assume with no real evidence that the baby comes after he leaves the house and moves in with the girl to start a life together, but it's never said. So a setting In this would be nice.
The last thing I'll talk about is, I kinda want an explanation to how he can see his daughter before she's born, and why she has time manipulating powers. Of course this would be hard to do so even just a little info so I can use my imagination to try and figure out a way that this story could work out. I feel like I'm missing something.
So sorry for all the criticism it's just I like the genral idea of the story it was actually really interesting, and is the reason I even finished reading it. It's like you created an outline to something with potential to be really good. Try to not see these reviews as a bad thing, but implement them anyone who posts these stories on here with out willing to learn from the reviews is just trying to show off. I suggest you take a day to go from the beginning and try adding detail to parts where it lacks it, you might find this story to come alive.
Pandabear7 here to review for you. I like the story but lets get to the problems!
Firstly, you don't have quotes around a lot of your talking, and it really confuses me at times.
You have a few miss-spellings so I will point them out: Did you mean to spell Samantha like that? Pregnut really is spelled pregnant. Happeness is Happiness. Isent is really isn't which I am pretty sure you know. You also spelled weird wrong, you spelled it wiard.
I wouldn't point out all the misspellings but it irritates me so I had to plus incase you didn't know how to spell them. The story seems a little bit rushed, that might be the cause of the mistakes, maybe? I don't mean to be rude if I am being. I just have to point out a lot of mistakes when it comes to reading stories, it is important to be grammar corrected!
I really don't see the relevance of the fight scene, mind explaining that to me?
Out of everything my main concern is the correct punctuation like quotations where they are really needed and the misspellings.
Other than that, I do enjoy the story, keep up the good work and I hope I helped you at least a little.
Sorry kinda just did it fast and had to do something at the same time
Thought so! Lol. It's fine.
Hello there, I am here to give you a review.
When i first started readng this I noticed it immidiately in the first paragraph. What you have here seems to be something very roughly done. You haven't taken the time to edit it or correct your errors and it doesnt even seem like you read it through.
First of all, please capitalize your "I's" This is a must, you cannot have lowercase I's.
Secondly, there are absolutely no sentances in this first paragraph. I can barely understand it because I have no idea how it is supposed ot be structured.
Lets take a look:
What you have
Now to start it off, I don't know if this is part of the story or some random introduction, but since it seems to be part of the story, I'll treat it as so.
This is how it should be:
As you can see, I corrected what I could, but in general I think it is your responsibility to go back and rephrase some of these lines so it firs better.
Ok this makes 0 sense.
Just the way you wrote it doesn't make sense. So basically this is Ten years after that first section you wrote? Why would you write "today's date?" That's like saying take whatever day it is now for US and 10 years in the future this will happen. Not working.
From the rest of the story I am guessing you don't speak English well. I salute you for trying, and I think its a good job that you are. However the descriptions don't really work as well in english and you need speech marks in every segment. For example I will re-write the next bit for you.
Basically you have a ton of editing to do and to fix up the piece. You just have go through and do what I just did in that exact example, fixing up gramamr and phrasing and putting in some extra stuff.
Anyway, have a nice day.