The Man in the Tower, Chapter 1 (first Story)

by DragonNextec

Published October 1, 2013

16+ Language Violence

In Stuff

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

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Where am i, I begin to Wonder what the sound was Beside me and behind me, I couldn't even Imagin it sounded Like Growls and A women Wispering or such, A Growl of a dog or what, The room was pitch Black Only thing i could see was this Small Light In front of me, I dont Know where i am but i can't Stay to find out, As i try to Move my legs to get up i feel this tugging on My foot, Like i'm Bound to something. I could only imagine what,

The Lights suddenly Turn on

My eyes are burning the lights are way to Bright, The Growls Seem to get getting More and more Intense, As i begin to see again, I see That i am in this room With, a wall on each side of me, And in front of me i see a fence with BarbWire along the top, There is blood all around the walls and Mold on the Rocky Roof, Thinking to myself how i got here, But time will only tell I must Find away to get out of here

My legs Are Chained To The wall but There is this Hole Under the wall Witch the Chains Are leading to the next room or something,

Suddenly when i try to get up Pushing myself Along the Back war for Suppor I hear this Women Screaming,

"Help me Please somebody i dont know where i am If there is anyone out there you must help me'

As I try to Scream back to her for some reason i can't speak, Like A cat got my tounge,

As i take A look Around the room I see a Key In front of me to the right And a Bucket witch seems to Have water in it, I try to Reach for the Key but it seems to be to far away,

Then i hear a Noise, Of a Women Screaming for her life What is going on as i Try to look through the hole in the wall where my chain is leading, As i try to see all i can see is Legs on the otherside Witch seems to be in a chair,

"No Please dont hurt me What are you doing What N"

My Chain seems to Pull me in Closer to the wall like i was Being Dragged, As i hit the wall I hear a Snap And A long Yelp, As i wonder what that was or Where i am i know if i don't get out of here soon i could be the next one to find out,

The Lights Go out, And Me Holding My Mouth so i don't Scream in Fear, As i open my eyes to Take a look I see that Light again, The next thing i know i feel dizzy and Can't keep my eyes open anymore,

"Hey Shayne Come on Sleepy head its your birthday lets go everyone is waiting," My father said, I'm in my bed At my home with My Dragon posters and Everything could this have all been a Dream, As i tell my father that i will be there in a min I get up slowly, Go to the Bath room to wash my face, As i look up into the Mirror, Everything seems to Change on me, the walls start to Fade and the Roof is peeling And it becomes all Rocky And the walls start to Be all bloody, I close my eyes with my Hand over my face, As i slowly Pull my hand away And open my eyes, im back in the same room Again,

I find myself Screaming as loud as i can, What the hell was that thinking in my head, Is it all a Dream or what was it,

I hear this Screching sound like an Axe has been Scraping Along the Floor,

God Knows I have to get out of here, As i try to Reach for the Key again it seems to be Closer to me So i Grab it then i hear a Banging sound like Something was getting Closer, As i try to key on my chains Rushing and Penacing, I keep droping the Key,

BANG BANG BANG

I look up and I see this figure of a man, Standing behind that fence, looks as if he is holding Something Sharp and Long And he looks like he is looking at me, Then he Slowly Opens the Gate, Me Hugging the wall In fear Closing my eyes And wondering if im going to die,

Hearing all these Banging Noises and Foot steps of someone getting closer, I hear A Yell

"Help this one got out"

I open my eyes and see this man running Out of the Gate,

Thinking to myself this is my chance to get out of here, As I slowly Calm down i try to key on the chains they seem to work,

With the Gate Wide open i can get out of here but i have no idea what i'm going to face, Its better then being here i guess and waiting to die, as i slowly go towards the Gate, I check the Bucket with water as i look i see a photo,

Of me

My brother Jamie

My sister Stacye And my other sister Terri With my Father, Wondering what this is doing here

I Hear A Yell So Forget the photo and Ran outside the Gate, Running right I see this person with No legs Crawling towards me,

Me looking like i'm dead already Scared as hell Runing through this door, i seem to be in this room with 4 diffrent windows,

Room Number one has a Girl Looking in her teens to be hanging from her Hands, with cuts all over her body, With a Bag over her head,

The second room has a Guy In a chair Tied with A bag over his head

The third room has A older man with A younger girl On a Table With A Spinning disk on the top of them Looking to cut them in Half

The Last room has a Lady Cut in Half with a Chainsaw, Next to her in Four Diffrent Pieces,

In the first room I see the door open And a Man with a Sharp Axe and a Clown Mask enter the room As the Girl is Screaming and Screaming hearing that Little girl Scream mad me Sick and wanted to Vomite, as he got Closer and closer he Grabs her leg,

The Lights Cut out, In each of the rooms, As im touching all these buttons to get the light back on in any of the rooms I hear this Yell, Then the lights go back on in the first room and the man With the clown Mask Is stearing Right at me Through the glass,

TO BE CONTIUED Chapter 2 Coming soon

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK SO I CAN MAKE MORE,

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review Review · Oct 27, 2013

Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

Let me start of by saying that this story is quite riveting. You grabbed my attention in the beginning and held it all the way through to the end. Good job with that my friend. The plot is very interesting. From what I've read, I'd say that this chapter is about a boy who's in this cell and is trying to get out. He thinks it's all a dream, but it's really not. It's that right? That's what I understood.

You're doing a good job developing your main character. Developing characters isn't always just about telling the readers more about them. It's also about showing us how they react to certain events or other people. From this chapter,I can tell that Shayne is the type of kid who's not afraid of much. He seems like a headstrong kid. The only thing I don't know about him is what he looks like. I know it's hard to share this information when you're writing in first person POV, but you have to share that information somehow. I'd suggest sneaking in some description when he's looking in the mirror. Maybe he's fixing his hair or noticing how empty his eyes look or something.

The last thing I have to say about this is that there are a lot of grammatically errors in this. You know I had to point them out. First of, there aren't many periods in this. I can tell when the next sentence is supposed to start, but I usually don't find a period confirming this. Secondly, there is a lot of times when words in the middle of a sentence are capitalized. Remember, capitalization is used at the beginning of a new sentence or when there is a proper noun. There really shouldn't be any other time that a word is capitalized.

Overall I really enjoyed t reading this. You succeeded to confuse me as to what is really gone. That's not bad of course, it's actually good. It makes me want to read more in order to truly figure it what's going on.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

User avatar
Kevikur
Review
Kevikur wrote a review Review · Oct 1, 2013

Hey Dragon! Congratulations on posting your first story, friend. You have a crazy plot here; it's chilling and makes me feel disturbed-- all in a good way. I'm slightly afraid of the dark after reading this. You have some unsettling, creepy descriptions in here. I'm a big fan of gore so great job on that!

Even though I like the idea I found it extremely hard to follow. You had so much going on and didn't clarify anything. When the narrator woke up in bed, was it fake? Was she/he having a nightmare? You throw us back into the setting before he/she "woke up". There's a bit that you need to clarify. I almost got whiplash because the action was all over the place.

A big problem in your grammar is capitalizing words that don't need to be capitalized. You only capitalize proper nouns or words at the beginning of a sentence. You do not ever capitalize common words in the middle of a sentence for no reason. You have capitalized common nouns like lady and chainsaw, yet have failed to capitalize I properly. Here's a sentence from your story for example:

My Chain seems to Pull me in Closer to the wall like i was Being Dragged, As i hit the wall I hear a Snap And A long Yelp, As i wonder what that was or Where i am i know if i don't get out of here soon i could be the next one to find out,

In this sentence you have capitalized common words, did not capitalize I, and have put commas where a period should be. This is how the sentence should look:

My chain seems to pull me closer to the wall, like I was being dragged. As I hit the wall, I hear a snap and a long yelp. As I wonder what that was or where I am, I know if I don't get out of here soon I could be the next one to find out.

Overall, you need to make things more clear and understandable in the future chapters. If you need help fixing any grammatical errors, don't hesitate to ask. I would be more than happy to help you edit this. I'm thoroughly creeped out by this and waiting for the next chapter! Don't be discouraged; keep on doing what you love. Be sure to let me know when you post the next chapter!

-Kev

Thanks for the straight up answer, Thats what im looking for so thank you kind sir.

By the way its part of the story not to know much till the end :P
On how he got there or if its all a dream or not, So keep on looking out for the rest you will be surprised :D

User avatar
babygiggles
Review
babygiggles wrote a review Review · Oct 1, 2013

Hey DragonNextec

Wow, where to start first. Well firstly i like the way you spell shayne and stacye instead of shane and stacie. Very creative but then agin everybody spells every name differently though i like it. Ok the story was interesting few spelling errors and punctuation errors, But i'm curious on your next chapter, which should be interesting and i wanna find out more. By the way i hate clowns i'm completely terrified of them so good thing.

But on the bright side besides the clowns i like it.

Good luck on the next chapter :)

WOW another person who wants to see the next chapter :D yay



A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles