"Wake up," I yelled.
"Shut up! Don't disturb me," he retorted and punched me aside. I remained silent for some time.
Few hours later, he yelled again, "What the hell, it's 9 A.M, why didn't you wake me up?" I kept quiet. This was the first time I had witnessed domestic violence. I had no idea how to defend myself.
From that day onwards, he uses me as his venting machine. Blames me for everything, shouts at me, treats me like a use and throw accessory. I feel lifeless! What happened with me? What went wrong in our relationship?
Exactly a year ago, he was standing in a shop, when he first looked at me. ‘Beautiful,’ he had remarked. Since then, I have been by his side, just like a toy in his pocket. I ditched all my friends just to be with him. I was committed to this relationship, but he never really loved me. To be honest, it was more physical than emotional.
Times have changed and so has he. He has found someone better. Better than me. Why am I even talking about him? I want to stay charged and active everyday. I want to live a life without following any order, any command. When will that day arrive?
These days, even his friends ridicule me. They all indulge in collective bashing and he looks at me shamefully. Why can’t he accept me with all my flaws? I try my best to satiate him, to keep myself up-to-date. I think my time is up.
Within a few days, he shall dispose me off. Like every other hapless mobile, I'll have to wait for a rebirth. I can't understand this human race. Cell phones like me desperately try to grab the attention of our owners but they fail to notice our existence. Was it my fault that I was born as a mobile? You bother about cars, T.V., laptop but not mobiles? Why?
Anyways I’m sure, we have better humility than you guys. At least we don’t dump our owner, nor do we woo other humans. You guys have no regards for trust. A new model releases in the market and you forget us. Next time if I get a bad owner, I swear I will drain myself ten times faster! Good Bye for now. I think he is coming....
Haha, this is great, especially the title! Very funny and creative!
My only suggestion is to end the piece here:
Next time if I get a bad owner, I swear I will drain myself ten times faster!
It took me so long to figure out your talking about a cell phone! Your very good at confusing the reader. Though it is a very well written story, I am still a little confused, I guess It's only because I don't use my cell phone as an alarm clock. Even so, why would you slap your phone? While all this may be true, It is still a great story. I really like the part where you talk about how the phone won't dump its owner. It's really amazing how well you are able to give the cell phone a personality. Really nice writing.
~Spaulds 
Timmy heeeere, as requested.
So this story was actually easy to understand once I read it through, taking note of everything. In the beginning, I thought the MC was an alarm clock, but when I got to the end, I realized it was a cell-phone. This was an interesting and lively short to tell the story of a cellphone and its journey through their, um, lives. An interesting character to choose, too, but I think it's a unique viewpoint to go from. And so that would make the story unique in itself - one about a cellphone's relationship with a person? o.o Maybe I should take better care of mine, and tuck it into bed....
Slap! A tight slap was what I got for waking him up.
he frowned looking at me.
he shall dispose me off.
Cell phones like me desperately try to grab the attention of our owners but they fail to notice our existence.
You bother about cars, T.V., laptop but not mobiles?
Good Bye
Hello Dr, Flite here as requested. This is going to be sweet and brief, let's get down to it.
First thing off, I'm not that impressed with this piece in contrast to the likes you've received and the reviews you've received. In fact, it can hardly be categorized as a satirical or funny piece, yes, the ending was unexpected and amusing to a certain level but that was only the ending. And along with that the ending didn't connect with the rest of the narrative. There wasn't much foreshadowing going on and out of nowhere, it just came 'wham'. I would actually start dropping hints earlier in the story, making tiny bits connect to each other and then reveal it at the end.
Let's examine the writing.
"Wake up," I yelled. Slap! A tight slap was what I got for waking him up. Devastated and shocked, I remained muted for some hours.
"What the hell, it's 9 A.M, why didn't you wake me up?" he frowned looking at me. I kept quiet. This was the first time I had witnessed domestic violence. I had no idea how to defend myself.
Was it my fault that I was born as a mobile? You bother about cars, T.V., laptop but not mobiles? Why?
Like every other hapless mobile, I'll have to wait for a rebirth. I can't understand this human race. Cell phones like me desperately try to grab the attention of our owners but they fail to notice our existence. Was it my fault that I was born as a mobile? You bother about cars, T.V., laptop but not mobiles? Why?
I like this, but at the same time, I feel like it's mocking domestic violence victims. I'm sure it wasn't your intent, but that's how I felt :/
Man I've seen stuff like this at my old school.
HI EMERALD HERE FOR SA REVIEWS!!!
First off I want to say like I said above that I've seen stuff like this happen at my school, not necessarily with relationships, but more of just friends, so I know exactly what this story is talking about.
From one of the first stories that I've read that you've made I'm really looking forward to more stuff you make.
Also, im not sure if this is a nitpick or not, but when I just look over the story, it just feels like there's something missing... I have no clue though, but yeah, just wanted to point that out.
Ok, well that's all for my review, hope to see more from you!
P.S: You've earned a follower IGN 90/10
it's amazing. but I have a few questions..." I remained muted for some hours."
when you say that, do you mean it literally or just figuratively? and when you said, " What went wrong in our relationship?" in whose relationship? Your dads?
I love the story, it's raw, riveting, and tells about being used, being mistreated...I can relate.
But ,I love it that's my point, Thank You for writing, reading, and loving.
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