So Alone

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It captured the ways that many people including myself feel almost daily. People and words can hurt but we just have to remember that everything will be okay. I understand how you were probably feeling when you wrote thins and you are so right at the end when you said that you are not alone. We have God here for us. Don't ever forget that because He's always on our side even when it is hard to see and remember. Nothing is too big for Him to handle be cause He is THE LORD OF LORDS and THE KING OF ALL KINGS! I'm always here for you to talk to btw. Anyway, great poem and beautifully formatted. Keep on writing!

Hey there, DoulosForChrist, and a slightly belated welcome to the Young Writers Society! I really liked the format you've chosen to follow, with its super short lines and repetitiveness. It emphasizes the feelings of stress and exertion. Always moving, never alone or never stopping. The transition from hopelessness to knowing that God is there and you're never alone is also beautifully done, the emotions were really clear. I also thought the longer last line was clever, it made the point loud and clear. I don't have any nitpicks, but if you're looking for suggestions... perhaps you could get rid of the punctuation at the end of the lines? Just have the full stop right at the end to further emphasize that point. But this is just a suggestion, it isn't needed at all. Lovely poem.

Chilow here for a review!

I think I'll have to start by saying that I disagree with what Kaos had to say about the structure. Speaking from personal experience, poems like this that technically are less wordy, but still so powerful are much, /much/ harder to write than something with all the words in the world. That being said, I think there is a line to be drawn in what is too much and what is too little. This poem, to me, is right in between, and as such, you have done a fantastic job

I won't say much on what Aley said, except to say that it was well put. The way the poem progresses, taking a reader down into what depression really means, and then back out is a really powerful and hard thing to do. Props to you on making it work

I'm certainly not the best of reviewers, nor an expert on poetry by any means, but from what I've read in past, and comparing it to your work, I think that you've got quite a gift. However old you are, I encourage you to keep writing and, since I presume that this poem was taken from your own experiences with depression, know that writing is a huge help, and that on YWS, you will always have people to fall back on if times get hard

Anyways, keep up the good work and please please please keep writing! I for one will be waiting excitedly to read more of your work Cheers!

This is Kaos here for a review!

My main problem with the poem is that it didn't go into any sorts of depths. The lines were really short which restricted any sort of imagery or flow. I can see the type of poem you were going for with the short and snappy lines to try and make something of it, but it just becomes a list of general things, and that's the poem. Now, in more depth, I'll try to address each thing.

First off, the lines as I said before, were really short. I think to make a good poem, you should have a variation of long, medium, and short lines all together. You could also make long lines drag on for the affect, or short lines feel quick and a sort of out of breath tone to add to the tone that you were trying to make with this poem.

The short lines restrict any sort of imagery from entering the poem, which is a shame. The poem really feels bare-boned in that it doesn't have really any metaphors or imagery to go with it. Create the poem, give descriptions. The imagery is like the flesh to your bones of your poetry. Don't restrict yourself to two or three words a sentence to make this type of poem, you can add in other things and it still have a good affect.

It just feels like a bunch of subjects and adjectives stuffed into lines and called a poem, which didn't really work for me. The structure feels weak and the punctuation could have more varied than just every line ending after it starts. Use commas, semicolons, the whole thing.

What I mean about the structure feeling weak is that the lines don't really stand up on their own or would be able to. They all feel dependable on each other and generally don't feel very strong.

That's all I had to say about the poem, have a great day!

Hey DoulosForCrhist!

Welcome to Young Writers society. What I really like about this poem is the parabola that you've created with getting the speaker into the deepest depression and then drawing them out and showing that progression of ideas from one to the other.

I think that you need to work on how you say what you want to say though. This poem could be better if you included longer lines that explore what you're trying to convey as if you were explaining a story to us. In reality, poems used to be oral stories, so think about telling someone whom you've never met, someone very specific, maybe like a young person who doesn't have god in their life, about your speaker's experience going from the darkest point of their life, feeling alone and abandoned, to feeling whole and together with something greater than them, a community. I feel like this would give the poem more of a chance to be unique because with these short lines, it's very easy to duplicate the style, and even the word choice.

A poem needs to have some uniqueness to it, something that says "I am an individual like none of you who shares this poem, but you can relate to me because I'm sharing a story" and I feel like that's lack in this poem. I've even done a poem like this with love, and life, and some other one syllable word that alliterates with those two. I think the repetition would be a lot stronger with more going on than lists in this poem too, so once you get into a conversation with your audience, despite it being one sided, the poem should develop into something better.

Of course, I would suggest rewriting rather than editing to get that effect. Rewriting will preserve this version so you can have both and then you've written two poems for the cost/idea of one! It's a win win situation because you can try out my suggestion without losing how you wanted this poem to read the first time. See which you like more!

I hope to see more of your work on here, and get some of your reviews. I'm glad you joined.