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The Gift of a Giver

by DoubleRiders

To my dear friend, you know who you are,

Whose example is a kin to a shining star:

It brightened my mind and my soul it did lift,

So much good it does to see God’s great gift!

What is this gift, you might ask, that I see in you?

It is the gift that can turn all old things new...

You carry it in you and share it with others,

It lights up your face and I see an array of colours,

More valuable than a world full of silver,

What is it? The gift of being a giver!

Now, my friend, a few words of advice,

There are those who will always despise,

The gift you give them of yourself,

Remember then: He gave not for Himself!

Carry on and continue to give,

For it is in this way you will bring many to Heaven to live... 

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24 Reviews

Points: 27
Reviews: 24

Fri Oct 05, 2018 10:19 pm
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magiccharm2002 wrote a review...

Hello! Great poem for sure! I can feel lots of emotion behind it. The rhyme scheme/rhythm is really nice too. It definitely adds to the fluency of the piece. I especially love the religious aspect of this! It's so good and in my opinion explains the grace and love of God really well! Keep on writing! you're really good!

DoubleRiders says...

Thank you!

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1238 Reviews

Points: 35807
Reviews: 1238

Wed Oct 03, 2018 2:49 am
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niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there DoubleRiders! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

I like the idea behind this poem. It's great to recognize someone in your life who's giving and sacrificing of themselves. People's efforts often go unappreciated, so I'm sure whoever this was meant for would find it nice. The rhyming is also pretty good.

However, I feel like there could be more to this poem. Right now, it reads more like a greeting card. It could be about anyone. If I were writing something about a specific person, I'd want to showcase their qualities using specific examples. Show me how giving this person is. As an example, I might think of my late Yia-Yia (Greek for grandma) and how she would make tons of food for family, friends, and church events. It would be interesting to understand the relationship between the speaker and their friend and see what exactly this friend does.

Also, there's an awful lot of repetition of "gift" and "give". Repetition can be an effective poetic tool, but it can also feel like too much, especially in a shorter poem.

Now, my friend, a few words of advice,
There are those who will always despise,
The gift you give them of yourself,
Remember then: He gave not for Himself!

This part feels odd to me. It's unclear why people would despise the work this person is doing. I can see them taking someone like this for granted and maybe not acknowledging/praising what the giver is doing, but I can't imagine why they would hate the person for being a giver. Unless they're, say, working at the soup kitchen and putting poison in the food or something like that. :P

Also, on a minor grammatical note, you don't have to end every line with a punctuation mark. The one after despise doesn't make any sense, and I usually recommend following prose grammatical rules unless you have a reason to try something different. You also don't have to capitalize the beginning of every line, though that's totally up to you. I would check out Punctuation in Poetry and Capitalization in Poetry.

Overall, this has a nice sentiment, but I'd love to see it more personalized and use more specific imagery. Keep writing! :D

DoubleRiders says...

Thank you very much, I appreciate the review!!

"Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it is far too easy to do your worst."
— Castiel