E - Everyone

Night Blossoms: Chapter 1

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Han Byul did not waste five years of training to become the source of her group's downfall.

She sat in the CEO's office waiting for her fate to be delivered. The CEO herself hadn't arrived yet, which made her all the more anxious to find out what the other group members had decided to do about her presence during promotions this month.

Han Byul heard the door open behind her. Standing up, she took a deep breath and bowed to the CEO as she headed towards her desk.

The CEO was a serious woman with long, dark hair pinned up into a tight bun. She wore a neat grey suit and a scowl that made Han Byul worried all over again. 

"Good evening, Han Byul," The CEO greeted, her tone emotionless. "I discussed the matter with the other girls just like I said and we've come to a unanimous decision."

Han Byul nodded. Every nerve in her felt strained with impatience to know what they had decided.

"After speaking with the rest of the group," The CEO said. "We've decided that it's best that you leave."

Han Byul felt her heart drop. She had expected this from the start, but she hadn't actually expected to be thrown out, even after she'd defended them.

"I'm very sorry," The CEO apologized. "After all the bad attention the group received, we can't afford to keep you around. I clarified the risks they would be facing if they decided to keep you and this was their choice."

After a long silence, Han Byul nodded.

"I understand." Han Byul finally said, feeling hurt. "I've brought a bad light on their images and I'll only make it worse if I do stay. I'm very sorry to have burdened them with this issue."

The CEO shook her head.

"If we were a larger company, we could afford to let you stay. Or even negotiate a compromise with MIDAS's company," The CEO said, looking tired. "Unfortunately, their company is only interested in pushing back our progress with 1004 and this was an incident they couldn't pass up."

Han Byul felt a wave of resentment hit her. MIDAS was the rival boy group that had caused everything to spiral downwards. Just thinking about them made her want to spit fire.

"But I still don't find it fair," Han Byul said. "How could they humiliate us and get away-"

The CEO shook a finger at her, silencing her oncoming speech.

"They're boys, remember that," The CEO told her. "you know as well as I do that males sell music better than females in this industry. It's a sad reality, but we can't help that the public favors them over us."

"If we could just prove that their actions were wrong then--" Han Byul started again, but the CEO interrupted her.

"We've already caused enough trouble," The CEO responded. "We can't go to court over it. The media already had their fun turning every one of 1004's members to trash, especially yours, so I'd think twice about saying anything about the issue again."

Han Byul felt her face flush in anger.

"It's still wrong," Han Byul said sharply. "We deserve some sort of apology in return."

"They stand firm in believing that they are the victims. Their company refuses to return any apology for what they said about 1004." The CEO responded. "Though I believe they should be civil in some manner, they won't be towards a minor group with less experience."

"So that's it then." Han Byul said. "You'd disband the band otherwise, wouldn't you?"

The CEO nodded.

"Go back to the dorm and start packing your things," The CEO ordered. "You were a great performer to work with."

Han Byul bowed and left to exit the office. In another life, she wouldn't have allowed herself to be suppressed like she had been now, but any more acts of rebellion would cost the careers of her best friends.

She couldn't hinder them that way anymore.

---

When she arrived at the dormitory night had begun to fall over the brightening city.

I hope everyone's at practice, she thought, I can't face them anymore.

Luckily, it seemed that they were. The small apartment was empty of the usual six tenants who lived under its roof.

She headed towards one of the rooms she shared, opened the closet, and pulled out her old suitcase. It still held her old clothes, since they hadn't been able to afford a drawer in which to keep them.

Han Byul would miss this dorm. She would miss all the memories she had shared with her fellow members here, and most of all, she's miss Rurika.

Rurika was a special person in her heart. If it hadn't been for her, she wouldn't have made it this far as an entertainer, but now that she'd completely torn down all of their hard work Rurika would never speak to her again.

She sighed, feeling the heat of oncoming tears gather in her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She wasn't going to let the incident ruin her strength. She was going to fight this somehow.

Han Byul took a deep breath and exited the dorm, pulling her luggage behind her. She didn't know where she was going, but she was going to get as far away as she could from this place.

Wandering through the crowded streets, she thought about what she would do now. She had spent the major part of her high school career working towards debuting with the group, which meant she didn't have a clear plan now that she had been kicked out.

I could work as a waitress, She mused sadly, or a cleaning lady.

As she came to a crosswalk, she felt someone bump into her.

"Sorry," A boy apologized. He was unsteadily helping someone taller than him stand up. "Sorry."

This boy looked around sixteen; he had curly, lavender-dyed hair and wore a dark sweater with white skinny jeans. The person he was helping was a man. From the way he looked, the man was about to pass out from having too much alcohol.

"Do you need help?" Han Byul asked, seeing that the was boy struggling to keep his friend from falling over.

"Yes, thank you." The boy said, smiling nervously. "Be careful, he's a little reluctant to have anyone help him."

"Oh, he'll ease up. Drunk people always do if they aren't depressed enough," Han Byul laughed, putting an arm around the taller man. Along with the boy, she led him across the crosswalk towards the other side safely.

"How come you're so sober and he isn't?" Han Byul asked the boy, curiously.

The boy laughed nervously, as though he hadn't expected to answer that question.

"I didn't drink anything with him," The boy explained. "I found him stumbling through the park. It's dangerous for someone that intoxicated to be wandering around at this hour, so I thought I'd take him to the nearest hotel."

"So you don't know him?" Han Byul asked, raising an eyebrow at the boy.

"No, but it's better that I help him out instead of ignoring him like other people." The boy said. "Don't you agree?"

"I do," Han Byul agreed. "Which hotel do you have in mind?"

"It's right around here," the boy said, pointing towards a building down the street that soared above all others.

"The Lotte Hotel?" Han Byul asked, suspicious. The hotel wasn't necessarily the cheapest. "You'll be paying for his room, right?"

"Of course," he laughed. "Actually, I just might stay with him just so that he doesn't wake up confused later on."

Han Byul was about to ask if she could stay too when she was suddenly hit with the sickly-sweet smell of flowers. She looked around for the source, but only concluded that it was a passerby's perfume scent. As they neared the hotel, the smell only kept getting stronger until she felt herself becoming light-headed.

"Do you smell that?" The boy asked, looking sick himself.

"Yeah, I wonder--" She stopped because the world suddenly started lurching forward. Her vision zoomed in and out between being clear and blurred, causing her head to ache tremendously.

Suddenly, she tripped backward, and all she saw was the eternal blackness of space dotted with the light of stars before she could see nothing at all. 

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Kbug1997
Review

Hello!

Great start to a story. There is a lot of framework you have set yourself up with like who is this mystery boy? What will happen to her since she blacked out and such? You use a lot of descriptive words that draws the reader into your story. It also has a nice flow to it. One can easily understand what is going on here. But start using pronouns more in your story. You say your main characters name a lot and that can be solved by just switching it to she/her. You do the say thing with the CEO. But be careful not to get your characters mixed up and switched around.

Happy Writing!

-M.

User avatar
Charm
Review
Charm wrote a review · Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:44 pm

Hey DorianBlaine! I decided to review this and your second chapter to help you get it out of the green room. I hope you get something from this review. Have a wonderful day~! I'm going to start with grammar:

She wore a neat grey suit and a scowl that made Han Byul worried all over again.

gray*
Kind of dying because I'm pretty sure this is about either Kpop or Jpop and I have you know I am straight Kpop trrrassshhh. Just...PM me or message me if you want to fangirl over Kpop with me.
The beginning to this story was good. It gave a good introduction into the story without overwhelming or underwhelming the reader.
The CEO herself hadn't arrived yet, which made her all the more anxious to find out what the other group members had decided to do about her presence during promotions this month.

Han Byul* (I'd prefer if you said her name instead of her pronoun. I think it just sounds better, but that's my preference.)
My biggest problem with your story is that you end your paragraphs too soon that makes it awkward to read. Description and dialogue relating to the same character should be in the same paragraph (at least that's a rule I live by), that's just one thing though. Just overall, long paragraphs in nice juicy blocks would improve your writing. I think you also could have added more suspense and build up the drama before Han Byul gets kicked out of her group. Add even more description. Emotional imagery and physical imagery is something readers want and need. Also I find your dialogue is too scripted. Try reading it out loud and writing it in a way that sounds natural. I understand it's hard to write formal naturally, but I believe in you! I found the ending a little weird and also I found a lot was unexplained and not in the good mysterious way. What is 1004 and things like that?

marmalade

User avatar
NympheaLily
Review

This is a really great story! I can't wait to read more of this!

You have a really great storytelling voice and great descriptive words. I love the Romeo Juliet twist it has going on; the characters are supposed to hate each other but they love each other instead.
Keep going with this story! I love what it's turning into!

~NympheaLily

Greetings! Holographic Ladybug here for a review!

While I find this somewhat interesting, this just doesn't feel.........enough. Does that make sense? What I'm trying to say is that I feel as if there are information gaps and I don't exactly feel connected to your main character. She's being whisked through the start of your story and I don't really feel anything towards your character. While you do supply some backstory, it doesn't feel enough to get to know the situation of your character. Of course, this is a little hard to say because this is only your first chapter. (If I sound a bit gruff, I apologize. I mean no harm and I only intend to be helpful. ;) )

I have some notes, too:

"Good evening, Han Byul," The CEO greeted, her tone serious. "I discussed the matter with the other girls just like I said and we've come to a unanimous decision."

Han Byul nodded. Every nerve in her felt strained with impatience to know what they had decided.

"After speaking with the rest of the group," The CEO said. "We've decided that it's best that you leave, Han Byul."

Han Byul felt her heart drop. She had expected this from the start, but she hadn't actually expected to be thrown out, even after she'd defended them.

"I'm very sorry, Han Byul." The CEO apologized. "After all the bad attention the group received, we can't afford to keep you around. I clarified the risks they would be facing if they decided to keep you and this was their choice."

After a long silence, Han Byul nodded.

"I understand." Han Byul finally said, feeling hurt. "I've brought a bad light on their images and I'll only make it worse if I do stay. I'm very sorry to have burdened them with this issue."

You're saying 'Han Byul' way too much. I started to notice this when the CEO kept saying her name every time they started to say something new. It got repetitive really quickly, so you should change it.

Also, you should probably describe what the CEO looks like. I wasn't sure how to picture them when I was reading so there was literally a blank space of a person when I was imagining it.

Sorry," A boy apologized. He was unsteadily helping someone taller than him stand up. "Sorry."

'A boy' simply isn't enough. You should really describe him. How old does he look like? What are his facial features? How tall is he? Any information about him is crucial.

I know it doesn't sound like it, but this is somewhat interesting. (Sorry if I sound a bit grumpy) There are just some changes that could be made, but there always is!

Till next time (or never)!
~Holographic Ladybug :D

Thank you for your feedback! I'll apply the suggested changes to the work immediately. I'm very grateful that you decided to review my work and pointed out those errors.

Yay! I'm happy I've helped! :)
.P.S. Welcome to YWS!



The strongest people are not those who show their true strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.
— Unknown