Go to sleep and close your teary eyes
Never again wake to see the night
Hush little girl don't you dare cry
Sit back and enjoy your final night
Here we are once again
All alone with no friends
They let you bleed and said not a word
Not really knowing how depression hurts
A Cutters' Lullaby
Screaming in your ear
All the things you hate to hear
The names the accusations and suggestions
Suffering from hard learned lessons
Can anybody hear you now?
Your mouth is open, tihnk you are screaming so loud
But a sound doesnt escape your pretty lips
And you just let the knife slip
A Cutters' Lullaby
Can anyone see her here?
Down on her knees and the end so near
Invisible in such a crowded place
Eyes just sliding over her tear streaked place
Under the shadow of the steeple
Passed by the forgiven people
Holding the razor so close, and in her hand her final letter
All these people who never even met her
A Cutters' Lullaby
I sit here with nothing to hold on to
But this blade and you want to take that away too
I am alone and I have nowhere to turn
How many lessons must I be forced to learn?
And in the dead silence on the night
I hear the sounds of my own distant cries
Singing a tune noone else seems to know
And its one I wish I never had to know
A Cutters' Lullaby
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was very very good. The only thing was that you had almost no punctuation except for question marks. That kinda threw off the rhythm, though I kinda put in my own pauses here and there were I though they should be. I would recommend going it over it and putting in commas and periods where they fit.
I really liked it. I think about when I used to cut myself and this poem made me cry. It really brings out the emotion and everything. It was really emotional and wonderful.
So I think this is a really good poem for this subject. I like how you focus more on how she feels, than the cutting itself. I like how you don't go into detail about the cutting but focus more on how she feels as whole.
great job!
WOW! This is defenently one of the best poem i've ever read on the subject of cutting and depression. It was really amazing. I especially loved the last for Stanzas, 4 not including "A cutter's lulliby". One nit-pick all the lines are capitalized, only the sentances should be. absolutly beautiful.
This was very deep and had me feeling compassion. It had great sentence structure, parts of it were a little hard to follow, like how it went from 3rd person to 1st person, but I assume that was the girl in the poem's thoughts. Some misspelled words, but honestly it was very well-written and nicely thought of. It captures the thoughts of the cutter very well. Keep writing!
You had me hooked from the first stanza. When I started reading it, I had music playing, but by the end of the second stanza I couldn't even hear it anymore. Your poem captivated me. The title reached out from the second I saw it, and your opening two lines were great.
Great stuff. For starters the title is fantastic.
I've never been in this mindset but the poem gives a bold insight into it.
This poem is excellect. It captures the exact view of cutter because, well, I was one. It shows the emotions of a cutter & what they commonly use to cut, such as : knives & razor blades. Plus, you divided it with the title in an excellect way. Also, it shows short of a beginning to end of the cutter's life. How they felt depress & no one knew so they turned to cutting. And, at the very end, they just gave up. I connected this so much & the title is eye catching.
I do think you do have a few grammar problems ( already pointed out ).
Can't wait to read more of your work in the future.
Your an excellect writer :]
-Elizabeth
Okay, I'm Vernon and I'll be your reviewer. Now lets make it clear here, I don't like the theme of the poem, I don't like what's it's about. I'm not a fan of these emo type poems, that go woe is me, etc.
Okay, first off, you went on too long, for a poem like this, less is more, I can't believe I'm saying this here, but you could have made a great poem about this is ya held back and made it vague. The idea of personifying the blade was interesting.
Now, if ya wanna keep this the way it is, the repeatition on it, would suggest it's lyrics, rather than a poem.
Sorry for this short review, but this ain't my style of poem, I've already showed bias, so best stop.
Good luck
VSN
I loved it. Its so emotional and deep. It reallly transmits what the writer is feeling. And your rhyme is pretty good, you really made it work, it adds to the poem, it doesn't make it sound awkward and out of place. You had a little grammatical mistakes but they were already pointed out.
Even though the rhyme was good, there were places were I lost the rythm.
So, I lost the rythm a bit in this stanza. But besides that, it was really good and I really liked it.
Pudin
Wow, that was beautiful! So moving. Amazing job!
The only things I really noticed where a few gramatical things!
I believe you mean think?
Did you mean face? Cause I'm not really sure
Other than those two things, I abosolutely loved it. It was beautiful! You have amazing talent
Keep up the amazing work!
-Irish
Wow, this is amazing DixielandMisfit. It really captures a cutter's view on things. It's deep as well, so that's another plus. =] This is really great, but I am picky with some things I read in this simply amazing piece of work.
A coma be helpful in this sentence, other words it's just a jumble of words without a break. Say it without the coma, then re-read it with the coma pausing for a second where it is. It sound's better that way. =]
Common typo, I'm sure! =] Still, it wouldn't hurt to go back and fix it.
Apostrophe please! =D