Good Night

Hi -- first, thanks so much for the review!

Overall, the poem has a nice kind of sleepy, dreamy tone to it, which is great, but I feel like there are quite a few errors that hold me back from giving this a solid double-thumbs-up.

First of all, it's pretty cliché. I know that everyone hates to hear that, and most will fight this against all odds, but I feel this is the biggest and, unfortunately, easiest mistake any writer *ever* can make. The most important element to writing (at least, in my humble opinion) is a unique voice that sets you apart from everyone else. I can see here that you have great potential, but you're stuck in a kind of rut with your intense desire to make your poems sound pretty. I suggest that, for example, instead of "This is an amazing night under the night sky," write something more unique and powerful -- something that resonates, at least for yourself. There are hints of this in your writing -- "Tonight there are no bruises of life," you say. You have something there. Expand on it. Unleash your craziness!

Another thing: I notice that your rhyme scheme is almost trapping you. That shouldn't be the case. If you find that having to stick to a certain pattern in your poetry does more hurt than help, I suggest that you abandon the rhyme scheme and just go for some free verse. You can create just as melodic a poem without rhyme as with.

Bottom line: Don't trap yourself with ridiculous expectations. Write from the deepest part of yourself and don't let anything clot the beautiful bleeding mess that is your creativity.

- cupcake queen

DiamondForce99,

I feel that this was great and then at the end they died, which totally threw me off(but in the good way )! I think your language is great, and I love the fact that they think that they are forever. They don't care if they die, as long as they are with each other when it happens. I understand they probably died in a crash? Please let me know if I am right. Thanks again!!!
With love,
SpencerReidIsMyLife

That was a good sonnet. A really well put one and the language was good but i feel that the language can be changed a bit and can make much more impact.
The imagination that i had when reading the poem was really beautiful.
and just on fun part . don't mention twist cause that makes everyone think about the ending and i understood that they died.

Hey! EverWinter here!
Wow. You really weren't kidding about that twist ending. It was sweet in a melancholy sort of way. They went together, but they still went. Honestly, I was expecting the girl to murder the guy or vice versa, just because it sounded like a funny twist to the love story.

There really isn't much to nit pick about. Other than it threw me off for the last part to only have two lines instead of four. But, honestly it improves it.

I would also suggest using slant rhymes if you have to rhyme the same word twice. Like in

"Tonight there are no bruises of life,

just you and I together in this fight.

Please ask me to forever be in your life.

Since you are here everything will be alright."

You could switch the third line to "Please ask me to be yours tonight" or something (Probably not that because of the other rhymes with right and alright though >.< )

Anyways, this poem was great and I really enjoyed it. Have a great day!

Ever