z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Loneliness

by DestielAndGamTav


An eternal dread of loneliness,

I feel as if I am nothing,

So I act as if I am something,

I may talk, try to give myself a voice,

but my true nature remains hidden,

for I am terrified of being an annoyance,

and I am scared to be alone.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 9818
Reviews: 16

Donate
Thu Dec 29, 2016 10:49 pm
AlexOfLight says...



I agree with this poem! I honestly don't see anything wrong with it, except that it could have more, because it's so short. ;)

It's a very cute poem! :D




User avatar
89 Reviews


Points: 6213
Reviews: 89

Donate
Thu Dec 29, 2016 8:49 pm
Amnesia wrote a review...



Hi there, Mem here to review your poem, Happy review day.

First thing I noted when reading through this is the lack of imagery. That's really important for conveying something like this. The overuse of the word I takes away from the emotions and feelings that I can sense are there but aren't really.You could probably add imagery and make this longer and therefore an all together better poem, but everyone has their own reasons for writing the way they do. Another thing I wanted to touch down on is the lack of formatting, I don't know if you intended on this looking the way it does but the link below should help somewhat with fixing YWS formatting.
How to Format Poetry

Those are some helpful tips to help you with YWS formatting

Hope this helps
~Mem




User avatar
173 Reviews


Points: 3187
Reviews: 173

Donate
Thu Dec 29, 2016 7:37 pm
fukase wrote a review...



Hi,
I don't want to comment much on this poem, but as if with every poems, they can be improved and keep improving. I still love to read this kind of theme, so here's my review.

(I'm sorry, I wrote this review like I've broken some leg or something. I'm just tired after writing more than 10 reviews in a day, forgive me if I miss something.)

***

I can see that the title is misspelled, but I don't think you do this not without purpose, but whatever you want to tell me with that title, I don't get what you mean by "lonliness". If I missed some puns or reference, I would love hearing them out.

All of your ideas make sense. All of them are quite true. Your poem is honest and short, so it's a cute poem actually. But if you feel that poem is just random thoughts like that being put into a cage named "poem", try to explore the fantastic world of poetry. Poetry is very interesting world.

Back to the poem, I love the usage of the word "dread". It's one of my favorite word and it's has a nice fit with this poem.

Actually, the only thing I want to say to you is just use more descriptions. Be more authentic. I would love seeing topics like this being twisted in a beautiful way. You can do it, I think.

**

So that's all for your poem. If you feel poem as a medium for you to express your feelings, then it is actually a good thing. I often do thing like that. But learning to write in a more accurate way will definitely make you feel good.

Keep writing.

~memo






Ah, crap! I published this at roughly 3:00 AM, I guess I forgot to spell loneliness correctly :/. My spellcheck usually catches that, I'll fix it. Thanks!!



User avatar
21 Reviews


Points: 114
Reviews: 21

Donate
Wed Dec 28, 2016 1:15 am
KFdreams02 wrote a review...



What's up?! I just wanted to say that it is very nice poem, and it suits my personality awesomely (probably why I love it so much). It's short and sweet, and though it isn't very long, and it doesn't have the "big fancy words" that some poems have, I enjoy it, It still hits the emotions, and for me, that's what I strive for when it comes to poetry, not the length or how detailed it is (wow...my mind is in the gutter with that last part I said). Thank you for the good read!






Thanks!! I typically write short poetry, which kinda sucks, but it's just how I roll XD



KFdreams02 says...


No problem, and that's fine. If it's your way, then do it. Your way is what works for you, not others and, and in my opinion it works out great :)



User avatar
39 Reviews


Points: 1872
Reviews: 39

Donate
Thu Dec 22, 2016 1:45 am
Squirtlepowiee says...



Hello!

I'm new to this website, but I can tell that it's awesome. And you're poem is awesome as well! I think it needs just a tiny bit more work. Maybe an extra description or something. I like the part where you wrote "So I act as if I am something" because this applies to lots of teens right now in the world. Maybe your next poem can be about being yourself. I bet it would be amazing as well.

Squirtlepowiee :D






Wait why are there 2 reviews on this xD





XD I'm not sure. Thanks for the review!!! I wrote this for my creative writing class, but I did it at three in the morning, so I'm kinda surprised that it turned out okay. I actually have a poem that I haven't posted just yet about being yourself and stuff, but it still needs some tweaking. Thanks for the review!!



User avatar
39 Reviews


Points: 1872
Reviews: 39

Donate
Thu Dec 22, 2016 1:45 am
Squirtlepowiee wrote a review...



Hello!

I'm new to this website, but I can tell that it's awesome. And you're poem is awesome as well! I think it needs just a tiny bit more work. Maybe an extra description or something. I like the part where you wrote "So I act as if I am something" because this applies to lots of teens right now in the world. Maybe your next poem can be about being yourself. I bet it would be amazing as well.

Squirtlepowiee :D





[while trapped in a bucket of popcorn] You know what the worst part is? It's not even butter. We're gonna be destroyed by... ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!
— Blake Bradley, Power Rangers Ninja Storm