Walter Boggs. Would she never have a moment’s rest from these memories?
She sighed and kissed Victor’s cheek.
“Can I get you anything?” she asked as sweetly as she could. He shook his head.
“I’m going into my study to work tonight. I’ll make something up for myself later.”
Margo kept smiling as she got up slowly, so as not to bother him.
“I’m going to bed then, Vic. It’s been a long day.” She said, barely stifling a yawn. That was the perfect touch. If you were to tell Victor you wanted to head to bed without making it seem like you were running away, you just had to think about sleep for a few minutes and start yawning.
He looked her over, wondering if she really was sleepy or just looking for an excuse to get away. Finally, he shrugged and wished her a good night. Margo could only huff a sigh of relief when she was on the top of the stairs. She dressed in simple flannel pajamas, tucked herself into bed, and stared at the ceiling, feeling less sleepy than she had in a long time.
Sure, it didn’t matter when the memories came back like they always did, in dreams and déjà vu and random flashbacks when all seemed to be going too well in her life. She could always cope with that, when she thought it bothered no one but herself.
She could not, however, deal with her husband bringing this up all of a sudden. Victor worked in strange ways. His years in the company where he had risen from a simple secretary to a member of the board of governors had turned him into a stealthy, unpredictable hunter. You could never know what he thought at the moment he spoke to you; he would conceal his intentions behind a mass of uniform, banal words, set you at ease. Afterwards, when you causally looked back at what had happened through the day, his implications would just hit you. Had he really meant that? Was that actually what he said? Did he think about that? Does he know?
Margo was restless with all these questions stuck in her head. Of course, she and Walter had been the talk of the town years and years ago but there were always things left unknown. Closed up in minds and hearts and left there to rot for all eternity. Maybe her uncle hadn’t even gone bankrupt. She really wouldn’t know as she had cut all contact with her family years and years ago. She wouldn’t bring herself to create a social media account to make sure either. She had a Whatsapp and a Skype. That was enough of the internet for her. Maybe this was an intricate plan of Victor’s. He wanted to remind her of this rule to never see Walter again he’d set up – why.
She sighed as she turned over for the umpteenth time. Would she ever really know?
Of course she would know.
But would she know before it was too late?
Probably not.
Margo reached for a bottle standing on the bedside table and downed a pill, feeling unable to think about anything anymore.
The next few weeks were perfectly ordinary, with not even a hint about the Target or her uncle or Walter Boggs. Margo got up, made breakfast, attended clubs, cleaned, made dinner and suffered only a few abuses from her husband. Margo would have considered these weeks just periods of bliss offered by God for being a good wife. But now, set on edge by Victor’s words and the particular looks he gave her whenever she went out, she knew these were actually reprieves.
A storm was approaching and she didn’t even know when it would start.
Would she survive to tell the tale? Who knew?
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140,681 Literary Works • 673,591 Reviews
Hi there. I'm back~
This is the strongest chapter as far as characterisation is concerned, mostly because Margo is finally begin to show signs of standing up for herself, albeit in quiet ways. She's resilient, I'll give her that, but her taking her sleeping pills signifies her quiet acceptance and vulnerability to Victor's abuse, so I guess there's still a ways to go. I'm looking forward to seeing her develop as a character~ On the otherrr hand, I still feel as though we should know the characters a lot better by now--it is the third chapter after all, but we're still loitering somewhere around square one, and it reads as though the narrator is still trying to find their feet. I'd really like it if we could have some more depth to Margo's world, but she doesn't have many friends, and so far there's only one character who's slightly more than a wisp of a person: the protagonist herself. I'm hoping we'll meet Boggs soon, and that he'll help propel the plot further.
Also, I wouldn't mind some details on how exactly Margo cut ties with her family, and what the circumstances were. Wouldn't anyone attempt to contact her, despite her not contacting them? I really don't think anyone would take a situation like that lying down, and I'm also curious how Victor manipulated Margo enough that she would take such a step. Backstory, please!
The main issue I do have with this chapter is that it doesn't accomplish much in terms of a chapter arc. It's more of a bridge and would even suffice as being a direct continuation of the same chapter, because as of now it doesn't have enough material to stand on its own. I do have a lot of questions, especially about Boggs, but all this chapter does is is to stand as an extension. The cliffhanger feels unnecessary + is rather weak, and the details are floundering and vague. I need something more concrete, something I can actually chew on. I'm looking forward to more of that in the next chapter!
Keep writing! Keep it up!
~Pomp
Yessss. This is what I like to see when it comes to novel chapters; nicely done! You provide this brilliantly-conveyed sense of dramatic tension that was wonderful to read through. Margo's past seems to be coming back to bite her, and she's not exactly sure how much she can trust her own husband anymore, given how secretive and strange he acts. There's something about the way that you describe Margo's fears in Vic that has to be my favorite part - his behavior, skillset, sense of power and prowess, her own personal fears, and the looming specter of crisis over her head. You propose countless questions that intrigue the audience and capture their full attention, and it's marvelous that you could have such an impact on your readers. Clearly, I was enthralled, and eagerly kept reading to see what might happen, and Margo expressed a lot of my own thoughts and concerns. What will become of her at the end of this? How will Victor's potential plot come about, and what kind of a role does she have to play in it? What of her uncle? Thus, when it comes to the general sense of mystery and invigorating descriptions that you provide in this work, I must give you an A+.
Beyond, the pacing of this story is fantastic, as are the level of details within it, and I read through this entire piece without so much as an interruption in my train thought. All the better, I must admit, for I clearly admire the amount of effort and skill that you've put into this sophisticated, complex story. Even benign details, like outwitting Victor so that Margo can be left alone without having to worry of his suspicions (which honestly makes me think that she might be better at playing this game than she thought), help you emphasize the themes and natures of the characters in this work. Her own sense of unease after life returns to its sense of normality, with her none the wiser about the fact of herself and her uncle, is also rather poignant and fascinating. None of these details feels out of place, and all seem important, which is a feeling I've always loved - that sense of urgency that leaves you perpetually curious and wanting to read more. I appreciate the amount of work that you've put into this story, and I admire your skills as a writer in order to create such complexity and vividness in a short chapter.
And that's about all! Thanks for this great story; it was a pleasure to read from start to finish, and easily one of the best novel chapters I've read lately. My only comment is that you generally leave a comma rather than a period at the end of a quotation if you're following that quotation with a speaker tag (he said, she said, etc.), and that the speaker tag should remain uncapitalized unless it refers to the specific name of a character. Regardless, I loved this novel chapter. Great job!
Hey there, desdemona.
Walter Boggs. Would she never have a moment’s rest from these memories?
I always like to comment on the way people begin their chapters, and I think you did a great job with your beginning. It's a simple, blunt question, but serves to refresh the reader's mind about what previously happened. Also, just a nitpicky note: In the first 3 lines, you use 'she' a lot and it sounds quite repetitive. Try mixing up your use of words.
You could never know what he thought at the moment he spoke to you; he would conceal his intentions behind a mass of uniform, banal words, set you at ease.
Here, I think the last little phrase should be reworded to setting you at ease to make the sentence flow better.
I love your descriptive style of language! You wrote your main character's thoughts really well, and even implemented her husband's thoughts into the text so that I could understand how he felt without moving over to his point of view. The little questions you ask as a narrator, such as at the end (would she survive to tell the tale?) were a really nice touch. Overall. I loved reading this chapter and there's not much else for me to comment on.