She sat there, shivering, who knew what would happen to her?
The steak was in the oven. If she took it out now, it would be freezing cold by the time Victor arrived. If she didn’t, the steak would dry out.
She sighed and wrung her hands tightly, thinking desperately to find a compromise. She decided at last to keep it in for a while, and let it remain in the oven so it would stay warm. It was as good a solution as any, really.
She got up and walked around the house. The kitchen was neat, so was the living room. She puffed up the couch cushions for the fiftieth time that day; Victor liked them puffy. She thought about vacuuming for a bit but decided against it. If she vacuumed now she probably wouldn’t finish by the time Victor came home, and he hated the sound of the vacuum cleaner. She’d clean the house early the next day, as soon as he left. She cursed herself for procrastinating.
She headed upstairs next; her fingers traced the cool wood of the banister as she walked but she immediately took them off. That left marks. The corridor was in okay condition as well. She watered her plants, drew the curtains and straightened the many portraits that hung on the walls. She smiled benignly at one hanging right next to her bedroom door.
It was a woman, herself, and a man, Victor. She was dressed in a beautiful long sleeved wedding gown with a plunging neckline, and he was impeccable in a white suit. She was in his arms.
Of course, long sleeves were never her choice but with the previous week’s happenings alterations had to be made. Nevertheless, she looked beautiful and that was all that mattered. She grinned at the memory of the good old days and entered the bedroom.
She picked up Victor’s shirts, hung them in his wardrobe and organized his drawers. Everything had to be neat. Finally, after checking everything over, she went down into the kitchen and checked the steak. It wasn’t exactly perfect, but Victor could tolerate that much.
She then sat down, picked up her crochet work and continued to sew until there was a knock at the door. She glanced at the clock; he was late.
“Hey, honey!” She said brightly as she opened the door and extended her cheek for him to kiss.
This, he did dryly and stepped inside.
“Hello, Margo.” He said as he took off his shoes and hung up his jacket. Margo looked at the signs, shoes were placed straight and he actually hung the jacket up neatly. Tonight would be a good one. Margo thanked the stars.
“What have you been doing?” Victor asked as he glanced around the living room. It felt ten times dirtier as his piercing grey eyes surveyed it. Margo quailed.
“Oh, just the usual. I dusted, cooked and cleaned the rooms.” She said, eyeing him anxiously.
“Mhm, okay.” He responded as he made his way into the kitchen. Margo sighed and she ran after him.
“Well, I made your favorite today, Victor! Steak and mashed potatoes, with peas at the side!” she beamed. He gave her a rare smile.
She took out the lovely T-bone, ladled exactly 2.5 scoops of mashed potatoes near it and placed peas over the steak. Good. It looked presentable and was hot.
Victor surveyed the steak placed in front of him.
“How long did you cook this for?” He asked.
Uh-oh.
“Well, I baked it for about an hour and then kept it in the oven so it would stay warm when you didn’t come home.”
“Well, you should have called and asked if I had extra work!” Victor muttered as he pushed the steak away with a fingertip. “What am I supposed to eat now?”
“I’m sorry. I thought you’d like it better like this” Margo piped with her head bowed.
“Don’t be sorry!” Victor said as he got up and stormed over to her, yanking her hair back to make her look up. With a cry of pain, she obliged. Blue eyes met the gray.
“And I don’t like it at all.” Victor hissed as he let her go. She fell flailing on the floor.
Tears came to her eyes but she furiously blinked them away.
No tears. Victor doesn’t like me crying. No tears. She told herself as she got up and opened the fridge.
“Would you like some pepperoni pizza?” She called inside. Victor yelled something in the affirmative.
“Alright, I’ll bake it right up!”
She took it out and put it in the oven. Then she took it out again and grated some extra cheese over it. That’s how Victor liked his pizzas.
After that, she went and sat next to him, nuzzling at his shoulder.
“How was your day, honey?” She whispered as he drew his arm around her.
“Pretty much the same; I sorted paperwork and called a board meeting with heads of various departments. There’s talk going on that they don’t like me.”
“How come?” Margo asked “I don’t see anyone not liking you…”
That was a lie. She could see perfectly well why. She hid her head further into Victor’s shirt because she had this feeling that he just could see lies. Those eyes of his…
“I don’t know, Margo… But I talked it over with them and hopefully quelled their feelings.
Margo stared up at his clean shaven chin and kissed it. That’s what he wanted her to do. Show affection.
So far everything was going okay. He ate the pizza without complaint and actually smiled at the wine she brought to him after dinner.
“What have you got planned for tomorrow, Vic?” she asked. “Will you be coming late?”
“No, I’m sure I’ll come early tomorrow.” He said, pleased that she immediately fixed her error.
They sat quietly for a while, as they always did, and headed up to bed in unison. It was an unspoken contract that Margo wasn’t allowed to stay up later than Victor.
“Put on something nice.” Victor said to her as they climbed up the stairs. Margo gulped and hurried to the bedroom while Victor made a detour into the bathroom. She had about 6 minutes to dress up, put on makeup and strike a pose on the bed.
This she did effectively, choosing a brand new mauve nightdress with matching makeup. Victor looked pleased as he entered the bedroom, smiling at the woman sitting on its edge.
He was even more pleased in the following hour while all Margo could do was wonder how she’d show up at knitting club tomorrow.
The next day, after kissing Victor goodbye she hurried to change her clothes for a turtleneck, throwing a scarf around her neck for good measure. It wouldn’t do for the ladies to see that.
She sighed as she packed up her knitting. She was working on a scarf for Victor; the one she’d made before was getting worn out.
“Here’s to another day of being perfect Victor Alexander Ross’ perfect wife.” She whispered to herself as she headed out the door.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It was awesome. I put an abusive relationship in the book I'm trying to write but I didn't capture the victim's feelings the way you did.
And yet, I like that your Margo has a backbone. I can already feel it in the way she uses sarcasm and cold reason to try to stay on top of things. I want to read more about her and her perfect life.
sorry about this late review, but i saw this in my recommended-for-you list and it looked interesting. i do not regret clicking it: this is a very good start, and i like the subtlety. here are the things that, in my opinion ( which means they're probably just nitpicks ), could use a little bit of improvement:
- the paragraphs get shorter as the story goes on, traveling from more detailed descriptions of the house to two or three sentences per paragraph. even though the story inevitably speeds up with dialogue, a description of what victor was wearing, maybe even a note on the color of the steak, who knows. but it feels like all the details are lumped into the beginning so that they are gotten out of the way for the action to happen.
- no background behind what's happening, whatsoever. though i do see that you're either going for a buildup in the next chapters of the history between margo and victor or no backstory at all, i see some space for a mention of how the shoes were placed on some other nights.
- “I don’t know, Margo… But I talked it over with them and hopefully quelled their feelings.
remember adding a second pair of quotation marks at the end of these sentences.
- "“Here’s to another day of being perfect Victor Alexander Ross’ perfect wife.” She whispered to herself as she headed out the door." if you don't mind me saying it, i feel like this is unneeded and maybe a bit cheesy as a conclusion to a chapter coming from a character who doesn't appear to be that cynical.
these are just little blips-- overall, i hung on to every word and the story moved smoothly along without any filler scenes to make it longer.
Hi! Ashlingwolf here for a review day review!
I feel like this is both a very interesting piece and a very important piece.
It's interesting because of the characters. I would really like to know more about the two characters. What makes them who they are, how they ended up together, why Margo is so devoted to Victor. I really want to learn more about them, and so I highly encourage a sequel.
I also find that this piece is incredibly important. This is only the first chapter and this screams to me about abusive relationships- what it's like for people in that situation. Margo really shows the mindset of someone in one such relationship. How she is afraid of him but shows affection, how she wants to please him. It is captured very well.
As for grammatical errors, I have been unable to find any but to keep in mind, I am but a mortal and can only see so much. So I'll just say what everyone says to everyone: remember to proofread!
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Please notify me when the next chapter is out.
Hello. Pomp here for a Review Day review~
The first thing I noticed was that this chapter is very dialogue-heavy. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, it doesn't really help with the pacing--which is rather fast--and there's not much narration to fill in the gaps. We can deduce a lot of things from the various clues you've dropped around--Marge is in an abusive relationship, is pressed to be a model housewife, and apparently does not have enough backbone to be otherwise. To be honest, I find characters who take things lying down quite grating, but it is interesting to see weak characters at the centre of a story. I do hope there's more character-development in future instalments, because as of now, I cannot understand why Marge is putting up with Victor's obsessive, domineering tendencies. I'd like to get some more grit on what motivates her and how they ended up together--as of now, we've seen what potential conflict can be for this novel, but Marge's weak will isn't doing much to convince me that she's going to set the conflict into motion any time soon.
What the piece lacks on, currently, is exposition. You've given us a snapshot picture of the works, how everything is, but I'm still finding it difficult to paint a concrete image in my head. You have a decent amount of narration, but there's not enough scene--i.e.: scenes show us what narration tells us. To build up on scene, try using more sensory imagery--this includes touch, taste, sight, sound, etc. related description--as well as building up on moments instead of simply flitting by them. This is going to help smooth out your pacing as well. While a lot of stuff happens in the piece, I can't feel the general air around it--there's little to no atmosphere, no emotional connection, and that, for me as a reader, is a tad disarming.
Quick nitpick: dropping an article on punctuation within dialogue here, because I noticed that you tend to capitalise dialogue tags and miss commas at places! It's no big deal--just a small grammar thingamabob that needs taking care of.
Hope this review helped. Keep writing! Keep it up!
~Pomp
Okay. I love this. You build it up subtly yet spectacularly. The only problem I encountered was that the paragraphs steadily shortened as the piece went on, but even then I like how you kept it vague. I'm drawn into the characters and I can immediately identify their unique character. I definitely will look forward to seeing a continuation of this!