Chapter Four
Patricia drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she sat in the driveway of Jessica’s house. What was taking her so long? she wondered. To occupy herself, she texted Rendell and asked him if he needed a ride as well, feeling stupid that she didn’t do that earlier. Then she pulled down the sun flap and inspected her reflection in the mirror. She normally didn’t allow herself to feel self-conscious about her appearance, but at the same time she liked making sure that she looked presentable.
She received a text from Rendell right when Jessica finally came out the door. Rendell was driving himself and Caitlyn to the restaurant. Jessica came around and got into the front seat.
Patricia looked Jessica up and down. After school, she always changed out of her cheerleading uniform into something more glamorous. Today she wore a leather jacket with sparkly studs over a blue flannel shirt, and brief shorts. Black, high-heeled lacy boots completed the look. Her hair was in an elegant plait around her shoulder. Patricia tried not to stare at her friend's runway-ready look.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
Jessica shrugged. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Patricia smiled and pulled out of the driveway. They were silent for a few minutes.
“How does the nephew of a billionaire wind up being a freak?” Jessica blurted out.
Patricia shot her a dark look. “Hey, be nice, Jess!”
“That’s not what I meant, Pat; what I meant was that he’s not the kind of guy you can look at and tell that he’s some rich boy straightaway. And when he asked us to not to make a big deal out of it, it seemed like there was something he was ashamed of. Also, did you notice earlier today when Rendell asked him how he ended up in the wheelchair, he seemed really pained by the mention of it? It’s all just a major head-scratcher, that’s all.”
Patricia shrugged. “I’m as in the dark as you are, but let’s just try not to pry.”
Jessica nodded. “Although, he does seem very likeable…and cute.”
Patricia scoffed, though she had to admit, she too thought Warren was very handsome.
“And those eyes,” Jessica added. “He has to be the first person I’ve ever met to have mismatching eyes.”
“Me, too,” said Patricia absentmindedly. She, herself couldn’t help thinking about those mismatching eyes. One brown, the other hazel-green.
“Pat!” shouted Jessica. “You’re about to miss Warren’s house!”
Patricia slammed on her brakes, causing the car to skid to a stop and Jessica to double forward. Ignoring Jessica’s angry remarks, she backed up and pulled into the gateway to Marek Estate. She and Jessica got out and walked to the front door. Neither of them had never been to a billionaire's house before. They exchanged a hesitant look. Patricia took a deep breath and pressed the button.
A few seconds later the door opened a crack to reveal two little girls peeking out. They both had long dark brown hair and the same shade of hazel-green eyes as Warren’s right eye color. Patricia thought they could’ve been his sisters.
“Um, hi,” she said. “Is Warren around?”
The two girls looked her up and down as if they were inspecting her for signs of some contagious disease. Eventually they both smiled and opened the door wider, inviting them in.
“Come in,” one said.
“I’ll go get Warren,” said the other.
Hesitantly, Patricia and Jessica gave each other a nervous glance and stepped into the massive house. The room they entered was impressive. In front of them was a large stairway with a handicap lift. To their left and right were symmetrical sets of closed doorways. Patricia thought that she’d get lost if she didn’t have a map of the house as she took it all in. A few minutes later, she saw Warren in his wheelchair on an upper floor on the other side of the room and she watched as he went down the handicapped lift and as one of the twins ran down the steps.
When she reached the bottom, she looked at Warren and laughed teasingly. “I beat you, Warren!”
“Yes, you did, Alyson,” he said making a disappointed face. “But I bet I can still beat you on Guitar Hero.”
Alyson scowled.
“Are these your sisters?” asked Patricia, taking in the resemblance between him and the twin girls.
The twins burst out laughing and Warren smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. “No, they are my adopted cousins.”
Patricia was taken aback. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said.
“No, it’s okay,” he said brushing off her apology. “Anyway, Jessica, Patricia, meet my cousins, Alyson and Sarah.”
“No, she’s Sarah,” the one called Sarah said.
Warren rolled his eyes. “Please don’t let them fool you.”
Patricia smiled. “Are you ready to go?”
Warren nodded. “Okay, girls,” he began and his cousins faced him. “Aunt Sophia is going to be in a meeting so don’t disturb her, okay?” They nodded simultaneously. He sighed. “If the people she’s having a meeting with weren’t so easy to upset, I’d be helping you put stuff in their drinks that made their teeth turn green. And all three of us know how scary she is when she’s mad.”
“She made me cry last time,” said Alyson.
Warren smiled sympathetically. “I know, I tried to speak to her about that.”
While Warren was pep talking his cousins, Patricia and Jessica exchanged an astonished look. He really comes across as a parental figure.
“Okay, I’m ready to go,” he said.
Jessica grabbed the back of Warren’s wheelchair. Patricia opened the door for them and they stepped out. They helped him into the back seat of the car, and they were off.
The three of them were quiet for a few minutes before Patricia decided to break the silence. “So, Warren, you take care of your cousins?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he replied. “My aunt isn’t around too much to sufficiently play the role.”
“They look a little bit like you,” said Jessica. “But I’ve seen pictures of your aunt before and I must say that your cousins don’t look anything like her.”
Warren hesitated. “Did you hear me say they’re adopted?”
Jessica and Patricia exchanged a brief glance. He didn’t sound very truthful.
“Are they?” asked Patricia impulsively.
Warren let out an angry sigh. “Fine, they’re my nieces, but they’re unaware of it and I want to keep it that way for the time being, okay?” the last word came out in a shout. “God, if I had the use of my legs I’d jump out of this damn car and run to St. Halloway’s Park, fall asleep and never wake up!”
Patricia was shocked; not only by his emotional outburst, but also by how she asked that rude question. Very cautiously, she asked, “Why don't you want your nieces to know that you’re their uncle?”
Warren seemed to cool off a little. “It’s a long story, and not one that I want to talk about right now. I’m so sorry that I screamed at you two," he added shamefully.
Patricia was again surprised by how quickly his mood changed. His apology sounded so sincere, so…childlike.
And why did that name, St. Halloway’s Park, sound so familiar?
Jessica twisted around to lay an affectionate hand on Warren’s knee—not that he could feel it, but just to comfort him. “It’s okay, Warren,” she said. “You seem to have a lot on your plate.”
“Tell me about it,” he said. “School, paraplegia, paternal duties, post-traumatic stress…what more does one person need?”
“Post-traumatic stress?” Patricia repeated.
Warren gulped. “I’m an orphan,” he blurted out. “And I had two sisters and they are also dead. I have no family, save my nieces and a distant aunt.”
Jessica unbuckled and climbed into the back seat to sit next to him as he began weeping. “I’m so sorry,” she said.
“Me too,” said Patricia. If she wasn’t behind the wheel, she’d climb back there as well and comfort him.
“Thanks, I know both of you are wondering how I came to be without my family, but now’s not the time,” said Warren. “And please, can you two keep this to yourselves for the time being? I don’t want sympathy. And rumors will spread like wildfire.”
She smiled at him through the rearview mirror.
“Your secret’s safe with us,” said Jessica. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gave him an affectionate hug.
At that very moment, an obligation fell into Patricia’s head. She felt that she’d do whatever it took to pull Warren out of his misery, and she knew that Jessica had the same mindset.
“We’re here,” she said as a building with the words “Karrie’s Roadhouse” came into view. Though they'd come to talk about the assignment for Mr. Bailey, she was beginning to see this as a chance to give Warren a taste of social life, a little escape from all the stress that has obviously been bringing him down.
End of chapter
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Hello there! I am here to review your piece! Just a warning, I am a nitpicker. Don't take anything to heart, as taking any of my advice into consideration is completely up to your discretion

I like the first passage, nothing needs changing there. I also like the name "Rendell," it's very unique. Never heard of it until now!
"Her hair was in an elegant plait around her shoulder." I'd change this to "Her hair rested on her shoulder in an elegant plait," or "Her hair wrapped around her shoulder in an elegant plait." It flows more smoothly this way.
"They both had never been to a billionaire's house before." I'd change this to "Neither of them had ever been to a billionaire's house before," to make this sentence more grammatically sound.
"A few minutes later, she saw Warren in his wheelchair on an upper floor on the other side of the room and she watched as he went down the handicapped lift and as one of the twins ran down the steps." This is quite wordy. You should probably add in a comma or two, like so: "A few minutes later, she spotted Warren in his wheelchair on an upper floor on the other side of the room, and she watched as he went down the handicapped lift and as one of the twins ran down the steps." I also changed "saw" to "spotted."
“Why do you not want your nieces to know that you’re their uncle?”
I'd change this to "Why don't you want your nieces..." as opposed to using "do you not want," which is a bit wordy.
"At that very moment, an obligation fell into Patricia’s head." I'd change the end of this to: "...an obligation fell into Patricia's lap," or "Patricia felt inclined to..." "head" is an odd word to place here, to me.
Besides my minor nitpicks, I think this a fantastic story! It's intriguing, unique, and it flows nicely. I felt like the end was bit...unfinished. I can't put my finger on it, but it just seemed sort of sudden, like this scene is cut off. I didn't realize it was ending until I scrolled down. Perhaps try and reword some of the last passage so we realize the chapter is coming to a close, or give us a tiny glimpse of where they're taking Warren?
Anyway, like I said, this was a great read! Keep on writing, because you are talented
Happy writing,
Kali Lennon
Hello again, and here's my review!
which is in the wrong tense. Was it meant to be thought or spoken?Well, you're still doing a good job portraying the characters. But as for this chapter's plot...how do I put it? It feels a bit rushed.
Rushed is only relative to how long you're going to make this novel, but as things stand, the emotional developments feel too quick. Warren seems to reveal his secrets too quickly and too easily. From what I gather, wouldn't he be a bit more secretive and hesitant to just spill everything openly? I'll be honest, he really didn't strike me as that kind of person. Unless, of course, you want to stress how repressed his feelings have been up until now. Other than that, there's little reason for Warren to reveal this much. And the girls discussing Warren's looks...just feels a bit too obvious. It's only an opinion; after all, you would know your characters best.
As for descriptions, again, it's nothing major, and it doesn't need to be. Again, stronger adjectives and verbs could change that as needed.
I really couldn't find any technical errors, except for this:
As a whole, while I take my issues with the plot, the story and characters are still impressive. All in all, I look forward to seeing how the plot progresses; just don't feel like you have to push everything to the surface. Sometimes silence is the loudest cry. Cheers!
-Chaser