Chapter Three
Warren entered his house discreetly, hoping that he could slip into his bedroom unnoticed.
He sighed, and as quietly as he could manage, he wheeled himself to the lift next to the stairwell. Just as the lift reached the second floor, two pairs of small hands grabbed him from either direction. It was his nieces, Sarah and Alyson. They were both dressed up as cops and they handcuffed his hands to the armrests of his wheelchair. He rolled his eyes.
“Okay, girls, what is Warren under arrest for this time?” he asked.
“We were watching you come in the front door,” said Sarah.
“And we saw that you look upset,” added Alyson.
If they were just a few years older, he would help them to better distinguish his facial expressions, but at their age, as far as they were concerned, if he didn’t have a positive look, he was upset about something.
He sighed. “Okay, a few things—one, if I looked upset upon walking in the door, it was because I had a long day at school. Two—Halloween’s at the end of the month. And three—looking a little sad is a silly reason to place me under arrest. Do I have any rights?”
“You’re our cousin,” they said simultaneously.
“So, no,” taunted Alyson playfully.
Warren glared at her and curled his lip in a sarcastic laugh. It also pained him whenever they called him “cousin”. They were his nieces, but as far as they knew, he was just their cousin. They were six years old and they were too young to know the truth about their heritage.
They were the splitting images of the woman who gave birth to them. They both had penetrating hazel-green eyes and their long hair was dark brown, almost black, just like his. They shared almost every feature and though Warren simply knew which was which, he always conjured up a reason as to how he could tell the difference whenever they asked him how he always knew.
“You didn’t wear the gauntlets we gave you today,” said Sarah.
Warren looked down at his cuffed hands and he inspected his black leather gauntlets with silver lace that went over his entire forearms including his hands, minus his fingertips. He looked back up at her apologetically. “Sorry, kiddo, I wasn’t sure if I’d be allowed to wear them since they had spikes.” Actually they were studs and he tried to explain the difference to them once, but as far as they were concerned, they were just small spikes.
“In fact, I almost got in trouble because a teacher told me that I wasn’t allowed to wear gauntlets at all.”
“Did you tell the teacher why you wear them?” asked Alyson.
“Mm, not exactly, but I did give the teacher a reason.”
"What did you tell her?" she asked.
“I told the teacher that I wore them because I didn’t want to hurt my hands when I’m pushing my wheels,” which actually was part of the reason as to why he wore them, but the main reason was more disturbing.
“Oh, well you won’t have to worry about getting trouble then,” said Alyson.
“Nope, now will you two please take these handcuffs off of me?” he asked. “I have a lot of homework to do.”
Alyson and Sarah shared a look before returning their gaze to him. They grinned. “Nah,” they said as one.
Warren sighed as he shook his head at them. “You munchkins should’ve said ‘yes’.” A moment later the handcuffs clicked and he held up his fists with a smirk upon his face.
The twins stared at him with their mouths wide open.
“How many times do I have to tell you two that if you want to keep me trapped you’re going to have to check my sleeves?” he opened his fists and revealed a paperclip in each.
“You’re no fun, Warren,” complained Alyson.
Warren shrugged. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I have homework to do.” He gave them an apologetic look and wheeled himself around. Quite unexpectedly, the two hurried up with him. They each took a handle of the back of his wheelchair and pushed him to his room.
“Warren, do you know when Aunt Sophia is coming home?” asked Sarah.
“Sorry, Sarah,” he replied. “All I know is that when she does come home, she is going to be having a meeting, so I doubt we’ll be having dinner with her.”
“Bummer,” complained Alyson. “She works a lot.”
“Well, she has a very important job that puts her in charge of a lot of things,” said Warren. He did his best to tweak his speech to a level that they understood. “How was your day at school, girls?”
He heard them sigh heavily. “We didn’t have recess today,” they said as one.
Warren stopped and wheeled around to face them. “How come?”
“Our teacher told us we were being too disruptive,” answered Sarah sourly.
Warren sighed. Alyson and Sarah were both very high-spirited and he loved them for that, however, while they were getting good grades, they were not very good at picking good times to be playful. “What’d you two do this time?” he asked folding his arms.
They glanced downward ruefully, too ashamed to look him in the eye.
“We were tickling the kid next to us,” said Sarah.
Warren bit his lip, trying hard to maintain a stern look. “And why were you…tickling somebody in the middle of class?”
“We were bored,” they said as one.
Warren sighed. “Okay, it’s nice that you two want to be silly, but when you are in class, you shouldn’t be playing around. Recess is when you can play, but other than that you two need to be nice and do whatever the teacher tells you.”
“What if she asked us to jump off a building?” asked Alyson.
Warren tried hard to suppress his growing frustration. “Well in that case—which I sincerely hope never happens—don’t listen to your teacher. But other than that, just be obedient. Understand?”
“Yes, Warren,” they said together.
Warren chuckled. “Look at me, you two,” he placed a hand underneath their chins and gently pushed their faces up. “I’m not mad at you two,” he said. “I just don’t want either of you getting into trouble at school.”
They smiled weakly. Warren cocked his head. “Those aren’t smiles; give me real smiles.” They shook their heads. “C’mon give me some smiles,” he urged. They shook their heads stubbornly. “Smile!” he ordered in an ominous voice and he reached out and tickled their stomachs. They giggled. “Now those are smiles. Okay, sorry girls, but Warren has to go get his homework done."
They protested.
Warren turned away and continued to his bedroom. Oh, there were pros and cons to parentage. He wondered if his parents dealt with the same problems. Probably not, because they became parents in their twenties and they were married. Warren chose to become a parent when he was seventeen and his aunt wasn't too helpful with the task.
When he reached his bedroom which occupied the top floor of the tower, he pulled out a remote from his backpack and pressed a button. Immediately his bedroom door swung open and he wheeled himself in.
Warren always thought of his bedroom as being more of a suite in a five-star hotel. It had a king-sized bed in the middle and across from where the door was located was a glass door leading out to a veranda that overlooked the massive woods that Marek Estate bordered. Warren’s bed sat jammed against the left hand side of the room between two doorways. The one to the right opened up to a bathroom that even contained a washer and dryer, the one to the left opened up to a walk-in wardrobe. The wall opposite to his bed was a large desk and next to it were three dark blue guitars, an acoustic, an electric, and an electric seven-string, each sitting on stands next to large amplifiers. On the opposite side of the desk was yet another door that opened up to his own living room that had a leather couch and two cushioned chairs set in a semicircular fashion in front of a large plasma screen television set.
He hated his “bedroom”. It was, in simplest terms, the kind of bedroom that you wouldn’t necessarily yourself see leaving too often.
He wheeled himself over to his desk and pulled his backpack off of the back of his wheelchair. He pulled out his homework folder and a pen from a cup on top of his desk. After a long exhale, he began his homework.
End of chapter
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Hi there!
I haven't read the previous chapters in a while so please excuse any of my ignorance. Also sorry for taking so long to get to this. It was a pretty busy month for me.
I'm apparently in a nitpicky mood today. This sentence uses 'he could' twice, almost one directly after the other. It's repetitive.
I want to mention the description that follows this . It's always nice for a reader to understand what the surroundings are and to have a clear picture in their mind, but sometimes it doesn't fit with what the character is experiencing. My question here is why Warren would walk into his own house and immediately recognize his surroundings. He lives there. He wouldn't take the time to look around at his surroundings.
Six year olds are mature enough to know that Warren is their uncle. Unless there's a reason that their parents didn't want to tell them?
First, you've already mentioned that the twins are six. Second, there's a difference between small words and what words you'd use to converse with a kid. They know a lot more words than anyone ever thinks. And even if there's a word used that they don't know, they'll tell you they don't understand. Third, it's kind of obvious that Warren would adjust his vocabulary when he's talking to his little nieces. That's what people do around kids. So why go through the extra effort to mention it?
I feel like a teacher might use a different word. Like disruptive or bad or being disrespectful. Playful is a word with a positive denotation, and as a trait it's seen as something positive. They are just kids after all; that makes them playful by nature.
The timeline here confuses me a bit. His nieces are six and they attend school. Warren is high school age. How are his nieces home already? Where I live, high and middle school gets out at 2pm and elementary school gets out at 3:30pm. If that's the same in this story, that would have to be an awful long ride home for him to get back after his nieces.
Who's home with the twins? They're six; definitely not old enough to be home alone. Since their aunt is so stinking rich I'm assuming there's a nanny that watches over them. Or maybe their uncle is always home. Either way, there's that hole in their lives. With what I've read, it seems that Warren is the only one taking care of the twins. That doesn't seem very possible.
Overall I enjoyed reading this chapter. Warren has always been a character that intrigued me because of his physical defect. He's tied to this wheelchair, but he's not spouting "woe is me" every five seconds. He's strong in body and mind being able to get past the troubles the wheelchair provides as well as taking care of his nieces and going to school. It's a lot for anyone to take on. But Warren is handling it with ease. He may not think he is, but it sure seems like it. I'm still waiting to see what happens with him and Patricia
I'll get to the next chapter soon!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hello! Happy review day! I apologize in advance, I haven't read the previous chapters, however I do like the story. When you first said that the twins thought Warren was their cousin, I thought he was the brother of one of their parents but then I found out he was their parent and I thought whoa! Anyway, I have only a few nit-picks:
"Just as the lift reached the second floor, two pairs of small hands grabbed him from either direction. It was his nieces, Sarah and Alyson."
I think you meant "were" instead of "was". But maybe I'n reading it wrong.
"Actually they were studs and he tried to explain the difference to them once, but as far as they were concerned, they were just small spikes."
I think you might need to put a comma between "actually" and "they". Try reading it aloud to see.
"It was, in simplest terms, the kind of bedroom that you wouldn’t necessarily yourself see leaving too often."
Where it says "you wouldn't necessarily yourself see leaving..." Maybe you meant "you wouldn't necessarily see yourself leaving"?
Anyway, I thought the story was cool! Seriously, good job! I liked the details, I could picture everything unfolding in my head. Keep up the awesome work!
Disclaimer: I have not read the previous chapters. I apologize for my shallow ignorance.
Well! This is certainly interesting! A seventeen-year-old "parent." That's enough to make a compelling plot, for sure. But I don't think this part is so much about plot, so I'll skip through to:
Characters! I must say, Alyson and Sarah are adorable! (It's not creepy if people agree with me) The way their playfulness contrasts with Warren's fatigued, wise attitude makes for a really cute conversation that perfectly portrays their characters. As for Warren himself, he's an admirable chap, and a worthy and likable protagonist.
As for descriptive styles, they're appropriately dialed back for a scene mostly given through dialogue. While they're nothing exceptional, they don't need to be, and you're pretty wise for understanding that. Of course, in cases that you do want to be more vivid with those, adjectives and comparisons are a good place to start.
As for the qualms I have:
It's kind of blunt for no reason here. It just felt out of place, but that's a personal opinion.
"Bummer" just seems a bit too surfer-dudey to be used by a six-year-old girl.
The repetition. It could easily be fixed by omitting "two" from the second sentence.
Overall, the unique premise and captivating conversations make this piece a lighthearted read with dark undertones, something that many writers strive to accomplish. The characters are incredibly likable (at least, the ones shown in this chapter), and really, that's all that anyone could ask of realistic fiction. Cheers!
-Chaser