12+ Violence

An Alien Named Bob- Chapter 7 (Glooper), Chapter 8 (Codfold), Chapter 9 (Pielar) and Chapter 10 (Teergan)

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Chapter 7- Glooper

I looked around the med bay as the Doctor examined me.

I was nervous.

Doctor’s weren’t as common on my planet, we were a relatively young species, improved by our first contact with humanity.

I was told humans don’t feel much comfortable either, but my godfather and teacher Mr Clarriff didn’t seem to fear them.

‘How many months are you?’

Doc asked puncturing me with a needle.

‘Five.’

‘Short and direct, is that because you wish to leave faster.’

I chuckled, this Doctor had me all figured out.

‘Yes Doctor.’

‘Doc will do just fine.’

His voice box sounded quite friendly, whether that was by his choice or not I had no idea, they liked to differentiate Zzard voiceboxes so they couldn’t be as easily confused.

I wouldn’t confuse him at all, my mind could feel his, I could feel images in his mind, it was a lot easier to do with Humans to be honest, Zzard think very differently to other species.

‘Trust me Ensign, I like to be quick and efficient as well.’

I could feel he was being honest.

‘The baby looks normal, better than normal even. Half Osnian?’

Must have been an Osnian father then.

I honestly could barely remember that night, I had been on my first starship run and was celebrating around a space station.

‘So is that going to mean anything about his growing up?’

‘I am well versed Ensign in Vrellexian birthing, he will need a mentor soon, do you have one in mind?’

‘Yes I do.’

I couldn’t get Lieutenant Manoj out of my head, his dreamy eyes to his fine chicken legs.

‘Well you should get on mentoring soon, the Osnian half of your son has caused rapid acceleration in his age, he will be viable to be born soon enough.’

This was pretty soon by Vrellexian standards but other potassium based lifeforms weren’t always similarly inclined.

Now I knew who the Father is maybe I should give him a call my next time to the rings of Saturn.

‘So no chance my child will be blasting lasers then?’

I chuckled.

Osnian’s could absorb a charge and release it, it was their special skill, a skill my child’s father knew fairly well how to use to his advantage.

‘We will monitor his progress after he is born.’

I don’t think the Doctor got humour that well.

He kept to his computer screen having done his scans and finished my injections.

What the injections were for I didn’t know but he was the Doctor.

‘You may leave now Ensign.’

As I left I turned back.

‘Thanks Doc.’

He just kept staring at his screen.

I was going to get him to laugh, I’m making that vow now.

As I ran over to the Lieutenant’s quarters Pielar spotted me.

‘You shouldn’t be running on deck Ensign Glooper, you’d think as an officer you’d know better, especially a pregnant one, what if you harmed your child?’

I think every pregnant woman from every species hates some idiot reminding her that she is pregnant, especially a snot faced idiot like my head Ensign.

‘Sorry sir.’

‘Well I need you to run through some pilot drills with me Ensign.’

‘Um sir sorry to talk back to you but I have urgent medical needs concerning my child involving Lieutenant Manoj.’

The Doctor told me to get a mentor for my child straight away.

I wasn’t exactly lying.

‘Oh of course Ensign, but report to me once you’ve finished.’

I had a feeling that most certainly wasn’t going to be the last time I did that to get away from him.

Ensign Pielar was one of the most annoying superiors I have ever had, and he was the same rank as me.

I got to the Lieutenant’s door.

Finally.

Maybe, I’m not even sure I can do this.

I can’t believe I’m going to ask him this, it seems so stupid.

I did tell Pielar where I was going.

Maybe I shouldn’t ask.

Man this door seems sorta far yet it was right in front of me.

It opened, and there that beautiful human was, with his strong jawline and brownish hue.

‘Gloopy, anything you wanted?’

‘Hi, well Hi Manoj.’

Oh my goodness, I’m like a young girl again.

‘Ensign?’

‘Well I don’t know if you know about like Vrellixians but we need a human to sort of parent.’

‘Parent?’

Oh my goodness he’s gonna think I’m asking us to move in together. What am I doing?

‘Well like we use our link to morph and make shapes, so it’s sort of like a teacher.’

‘Yes?’

Oh my goodness Gloop what are you doing?

‘I was wondering if you could help my child teaching him how to make shapes?’

His eyes looked surprised, almost worried.

I was being stupid.

‘Are you sure? I’m not sure I’d be a good godfather.’

See I was thinking of the right word to use for humans, I knew it started with a G.

Oh damn; you’re scaring him, freaking him out.

‘Look Manoj, you can be stuck in the past all day long or you can move on!’

Did I just say that?

‘Mannie, you know I care for you, you and Cassie were my friends, but she’s gone, you have to look to the future.’

I can’t believe I’m walking away after making him mope like that.

What if I made him cry?

‘Gloop?’

Oh my if he’s crying I’m gonna break down.

‘You’re right, lets start this; what do I have to do?’

I led him into his room.

God I can’t be too urgent to get on his bed now, I was already pregnant.

‘So put your hand on my stomach.’

He did, a little uneasily I might add, well the boy was a bit shaky since I saw him last. I wonder if he needed connection, I never really came through to him after Dawnbreaker, I doubt anyone else did.

‘Now what?’

‘Feel that link, that psychic connection?’

‘No?’

Maybe it wasn’t right.

Suddenly he started shaking.

‘Something is happening Gloop.’

The baby morphed out of me partially and it was surrounding his hand.

I looked amazed.

‘What’s he doing?’

Mannie was a bit shook.

‘He’s learning a form, he can’t be out too long yet, he will be able to get out soon.’

I looked into Mannie’s eyes as he saw my little boy there, a tear ran down his cheek.

‘You okay Mannie?’

‘Yeah.’

He wiped it away.

‘Just such a cute little boy isn’t he.’

I couldn’t help but stare at the tears in his eyes.

He was cute wasn’t he.

Chapter 8- Codfold

We were sailing through the wormhole, the vortex was beautiful and mixed with reds and blacks.

Karen told me I was weird but in the swirls of colour I could swear I saw shapes and all sorts. She used to laugh a lot at what I said sometimes and called me such a dork, I knew when she said that she meant she loved me.

‘Codfold?’

The Captain was asking me a question whilst I daydreamed.

‘Are you okay man?’

‘Yes sir.’

I was tired, but it was improper to complain on the bridge, especially to a superior officer.

WHOOSH

The door opened.

‘Lieutenant Junior Glooper reporting sir.’

A proper salute from the young lady.

‘Ah yes here for the change of the pilot.’

Ensign Jackson had been flying in the wormhole perfectly for 9 hours straight; he was looking a little woozy and a single mistake would be the death of us all.

Captain Raddison turned on the ship wide comm system.

‘Attention ship we are coming out of wormhole jump.’

Coming out of a wormhole affects the gravity just a bit, you are reducing your speed down exponentially so what else could you expect.

I jerked around a bit in my chair.

‘Damn that was less smooth than usual Jackson.’

‘Sorry sir.’

He was new to this but by god I almost fell out of my chair.

‘Are we even in the right place?’

‘Let me check sir.’

Glooper rushed to her chair and looked at the scanners.

‘We are about 40 light years off.’

‘What?’

That was far too far away from our jump.

‘I swear sir the wormhole coordinates led here.’

‘Well Jackson you are going to be assigned to…’

The beeping of the emergency sensors flashed around the ship.

The alarms were loud and annoying.

Glooper looked at the sensors again.

‘Sir! An unknown vessel is irradiating gamma waves from their vessel.’

Gamma waves could have affected the wormhole opening somewhere else if aimed right.

‘What kind of vessel?’

‘Sir it’s unregistered to the Empire.’

The Captain stood up.

‘Hail them! And put up the shields!’

Ensign Evverington was on the Weapons Systems, Lieutenant Veergar was on Comms.

‘Unknown vessel..’

Radison started his speech being interrupted.

‘They are firing missles at us!’

Evverington shouted.

‘Fire back!’ I commanded.

I saw the ship destroyed on the monitor but by then it had released about thirty more missiles at us.

‘Sir the shields aren’t working!’

‘What?’

Captain Raddison was blank faced, he couldn’t respond.

‘Then get them back!’

I shouted at Evverington.

The alarms still going off, blue and orange lights flashing around the whole room.

Evverington was in shock, I pushed him and looked at the boy’s monitor.

‘The missiles are aiming for the bridge sir!’

The Captain, blank faced still ran up to me and grabbed me.

‘I’ll try and avoid them!’

Glooper shouted.

‘They are following us!’ Veergar told the pilot frantically squealing and crying.

‘Sorry old friend!’

The captain pushed me into a small room and locked the door.

I’m ashamed to say I didn’t fight back.

I didn’t want to save myself, but I didn’t want to die either, I thought of Karen and my children. They couldn’t lose me, not just yet.

I could hear the explosions through the door and fell the blast from the ship.

Heck maybe my friend Raddison had saved my…

Chapter 9- Pielar

I could hear the loud alarms.

WHEEE OOOOOO! WHEEEEE OOOOO! WHEEEEEEE OOOOOO!

They were giving me a headache and I swear they were getting louder each ring.

Me, Crewman Tommrade and the Cabin Boy were checking in on logistics, checking on the resources.

I activated the comms.

‘Captain?’

No reply.

‘Codfold?’

The Lieutenant wasn’t there.

‘Anyone there.’

Maybe the comms signal wasn’t working.

‘Oh God the Prisoners have escaped, they are attacking us.’

A voice screamed over my comms.

‘Hello! Hello who is this?’

There was no reply and no time to hestitate.

I grabbed an energy stick from the weapons locker I’d just been checking; I threw one to Jan, the Cabin Boy and one to Tommarade.

Jan dropped it.

‘Oh God Jan, how the fwad did you get enlisted?’

‘Sorry sir.’

He was shaking.

‘Quivering boy? We might have to fight of the prisoners and discover what happened to the officers and you are afraid.’

I’d been through battle before. I’d tasted it. He should be afraid.

Tommrade looked at me eyes wide and then stared at his new weapon.

‘I don’t know how to use it.’

I turned on the handle.

‘Don’t touch that end.’

Idiots.

I was surrounded by incompetent idiots.

We had weapons, sort of, but the prisoners had numbers behind them.

We were screwed.

Gosh maybe the young boy right to be afraid, he had obviously never been in battle.

We rushed to the Prison section.

Jan slipped up.

‘God Lord, maybe I should just leave you behind.’

I lifted the boy to his feet again.

‘Tommarade stay behind.’

He walked off to the other end of the room checking for any prisoners, or so he said.

Cowards, all these crewmen are just here for a paycheck, they have no loyalty at all.

We got to the door to the prison area and I opened it with my code.

The corridor was open to the vacuum of space.

WHOOSH!

Quickly we were flung out amongst bodies of men and women most in prison uniform, I could recognise a few in guard attire too.

Good men and women who had died the same way I was about to.

And the damned Cabin boy.

‘Watch it Jan!’

The words came from my mouth as the young cabin boy was being flung into the metal wall.

THUD!

The strike must’ve knocked the youngster out cold.

I grabbed the boy in a tug of war between me and the vaccum of space.

Boy.

I kept calling him that but he was only 3 years my younger, and yet such youth would be wasted by the air draining from our lungs and the cold freezing our blood.

The best a human can stand in space still conscious is 15 seconds, after that I’m going to lose some cognitive function.

Where can I go? What can I do?

A door opening. A hand coming out maybe a foot away.

It’s all I can do to hold Jan; do I let go of him to survive? NO. I swore an oath goddamn it, I’ve lost too many to the wars and I won’t lose another soul yet.

‘Arrgh!’

I lifted Jan to the hand.

My mouth open I remembered the training, if you open your mouth in space keep it open otherwise your lungs will expand. They forced us to drown to learn how to do it.

It was horrible, nobody likes it.

Realising Jan was safe I let go, my work was done. I was about to close my eyes when suddenly another hand grabbed me out of the abyss of space.

Chapter 10- Teergan

My cell block had been shut down.

The relentless slamming on the force fields ceased and men fell face down, brought on by their brutality.

I saw the control panel outside my door.

To have cut the power to all these cell blocks the energy lines must’ve been disconnected.

No time to think.

Some of the other savages realised what this freedom allowed them to do; rather than consider the consequences of what they could do they went ahead and did them anyway.

I suppose that’s why they were here in the first place.

They went for the guards first; in part to grab their weapons but also to attack the men who had imprisoned them.

The guards could barely do anything, one was dead before they knew it.

I pulled men off the other, his name tag said Lieutenant Jovar I believe.

As I pulled the men beating Jovar off of him. Jovar stabbed me.

The humans still saw me as a threat.

I would never leave the monster be.

‘Oh God the Prisoners have escaped, they are attacking us.’

He had gone to the radio.

I had better get back to my cell as they were about to close again.

Hopefully.

‘Deevorii!’

I looked and there stood a humanoid looking prisoner.

His hands changed to metal blades.

He was a Vrellexian.

‘Estrani as well, I love exterminating your kind.’

I could see it in the imitation of eyes he had formed, this being was going to try and kill me, he would stop at nothing.

‘Whatever my people have done to you Vrellexian, I am not affiliated with them any longer.’

I had always taught my children that even when it seems foolish one must still attempt diplomacy and I would not be a hypocrite as well as a monster.

He sliced through several people to get to me.

A human seemed to be fighting a young lady down the corridor, she had taken a blade from one of the men here, so there were no more weapons I could grab to defend myself.

I looked around and Jovar must’ve been murdered.

Hold back the tears, I can’t save them all.

I should’ve known that those around me die.

Should I even avoid these blades or let them pierce my flesh?

I ran out of the corridor and saw 2 directions I could go; one to med bay, the other the bridge according to signs.

I wouldn’t let this monster get to the Med Bay and harm others, although with my wound aching I was tempted to go.

I ran towards the bridge knowing this other monster wouldn’t hesitate to kill others trying to kill me.

I locked the door behind me but before it could pressurise he slid through the door and reformed to look like a human again.

I’ve heard only very well trained Vrellexians could even look human.

‘Why are you trying to kill me?’

‘The Estrani are one of the most powerful and deadly of all species in the universe…’

He wasn’t wrong, I was a mass murderer, a monster.

‘… I want to exterminate your kind, just kill you all.’

Admittedly I’m not the best at reading human expressions but he didn’t have a frown on his face, his eyes didn’t scream that he was thinking of loss.

He had a grin on his face.

I could see that look in his eyes, the look I had seen in many soldiers.

This monster enjoyed the killing; he longed for the sight of blood.

He didn't care for revenge, my people had caused him no pain, he just enjoyed the power, the thrill of murder; if it wasn’t me he would've killed another.

I looked around, there was no weapon, this was just another corridor filled with cells, except these cells had boxes, I assume filled with supplies.

No time to check the boxes for something, anything to protect myself but I could see one of the cells or store rooms or whatever they were had a panel on the inside for controlling the forcefield door.

I looked to my left and saw some people trying to get inside the corridor.

‘No don’t come inside here!’

The smile on the monsters face only grew as he saw them.

‘Oh, don’t worry after you I’ll slice them next.’

HAHAHAHAHA!

His laugh chilled my back.

BOOM!

An explosion broke the side of the corridor the other monster was on and he was flung into space.

I dragged myself into a room and turned on the forcefield.

I would be safe.

But those humans would be dead quickly.

I looked at my latest and deepest wound from my previous encounter.

If I saved them they would just attack me.

But if I didn’t I couldn’t forgive myself.

Damn it Teergan.

I turned of the forcefield and used 4 of my arms to hold onto the room.

CLANG!

Some of the boxes from the room I was in knocked into my back on the way out of the giant hole in the corridor.

The bruises would only make my bleeding worse.

I could see one of the humans drifting out of consciousness and holding onto the younger human.

They were both younger than my children.

The older one dragged his friend to my hand.

The wind brushing past his face his eyes were barely open, he wasn’t as used to harsh winds as I was.

I grabbed the younger human from his hand and he let go of the handle he was holding onto.

I grabbed him with my 3rd and 4th hands.

My other two arms would have to pull us all into a room.

Oh if only I’d done more callisthenics in my training days.

As I lifted us all in the room I kicked the control panel for the shields here and they turned on.

‘Thank you.’ I heard croak out of the throat of the older one; his name tag said Pielar.

He was an Ensign.

I felt my wound bleeding out and ripped off my jumpsuit to bandage it.

Maybe not all humans would hate me.

‘A Deevorii!’

Or maybe they would.

Barely able to stand, sitting down he took out a blade from his sheathe.

‘Human I just saved you, last human I tried to save stabbed me, you want to try too.’

He scoffed.

‘An Estrani saving humans, sorry if I find that hard to believe, I’ve seen your kind eat my comrades.’

I could believe him, blood lust was our nature.

‘Maybe so but it doesn’t stop it being true. I tried to save Jovar but the other prisoners killed him.’

He gasped with shock.

‘Then there is barely any officers on board ship, the bridge was destroyed.’

I was also shocked but I tried not to breath too hard, I was already bleeding to death and the air was running thin.

No need to add asphyxiation to my already growing list of problems.

‘Well no one else but me and Jan in here, so I will take your word for it Mr…’

‘Teergan sir.’

Two of my right hands could salute, my third was in pain from the wound.

‘Well Mr Teergan, hopefully we can get this whole issue sorted out and you back to your cell Deevorii.’

He spat when he said Deevorii.

A Collection of species that had chosen to work together for the betterment of each other, that’s what Deevorii used to mean, now it meant monster.

I could feel the pain increase now.

The humans say some wounds never heal.

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User avatar
JabberHut
Review

Chapter 7

The name Glooper is fantastic omg.

Bahahahaha I love that she's trying to make the doctor crack a smile. A fun way to juggle personalities here to keep the scene interesting.

So she didn't know who the father was, then she kinda new, then she did, but there was very little progression here to show how she came to remember the father. I feel like Glooper should care since it's already affecting how her child's going to be raised before they're even born. There's clearly some connection to Saturn, but I still don't really get it.

But her fascination with Manoj is hilarious. XD omg. chicken legs.

Dude people reminding pregnant women that they're pregnant is totally a relatable thing. Also, for someone who just reprimanded a pregnant woman for simply running (which was probably more of a jog than anything), what do the pilot drills even consist of that they're safer for her to do? Will the cockpit allow for a pregnant woman? Is it all virtual? Are they doing physical training?

WAIT THAT WAS PIELAR?? Wish I had known that sooner. I had to stop and reimagine the scene again with him in it instead. :(

She seems so nervous about this, I wonder what a mentor really is... I wonder if they even know each other.

This conversation half lost me. There's clearly some history that I don't understand because it was being referenced like an inside joke that I wasn't let into. But I do love how concerned and nervous she was about making him cry. XD And she knew Cassie apparently, so I do wonder what kind of connection they actually had.

omg what happened

is she like... gelatinous and the baby was able to peek out of her belly just now? I'm kind of confused. The fact that Manoj didn't freak out at all, though, tells me that this is perfectly normal to see -- that or nothing surprises him. I do think the scene needs to be described a bit better for the reader to understand what they're seeing.

Also, that last line: I wonder who Glooper really thought was cute... ;)

Chapter 8

HELLO GLOOPER! Pilot drills seem to be far scarier than I originally thought!

Okay getting "jerked around" is very different than "falling out". XD

I'm glad to meet even more crew members on comms and weapons, but I am never going to remember them.

okaY SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Why aren't the shields working?! Is engineering not working their butts off getting backup shields/generators working? Why did the captain push him into a small room -- and Codfold took it as saving his life?? The way the captain shoved him into a closet, I thought the captain was betraying him and taking over the bridge. Why isn't anyone else in there with him, and why is the captain protecting Codfold instead of letting the man do his job?

Who is this enemy that easily defeated them out of nowhere? Rendering their defenses useless from the start?

and what'll become of the ship if the bridge is blown to smithereens? o_o

Chapter 9

This was a much needed dramatic sequence.

I'm not going to say the scene held my breath, but I think it was needed. To see a character have some drive, to have some attachment to something or someone else is really important for readers to grow a connection to your characters. And here, we see Pielar with a desire to save just one human since the rest were already too late to save. Just one.

And also Pielar having flashbacks to past wartime strengthens this as well. He has a weakness, a soft spot. He's broken inside from the terrible past he endured, and now he desperately doesn't want to repeat any of those horrors.

I do think this scene could have been written much smoother, but the necessities are here. This is important character insight for us as we learn and grow attached to your cast of characters.

Chapter 10

I think the prisoners are just attacking the guards for the weapons. Maybe some of them are taking their anger out on them, but there were be some smart enough to know that it wasn't the guards' fault. In fact, killing or attacking the guards isn't going to have much more reasoning than steal the weapon and ensure the guards don't fight back, whatever it takes.

XD Jovar's voice doesn't sound as panicked as it should, I read it monotonously and it made me laugh.

I LOVE that Teergan is put in a position where he's questioning whether it's worth the fight. Poor guy just wants to live in peace and no one is letting him and now this chaos is going on. Not sure why he's crying over Jovar though, so maybe he's just really sensitive to loss of life?

I LOVE THIS CHAPTER.

I see now that you're trying to lead up to this moment where human and Deevorii work together. I'll be honest, I hadn't fully grasped the idea that those races were serious rivals. I'm not doubting you specified that, but with the onslaught of information I had up to this point, I simply didn't remember that.

But I love the theme. I love this idea. I love that these two are working together, not sure who all survived still but knowing crucial sections in the ship are destroyed. Hopefully these guys are getting the oxygen they need okay, and I"m sure there are other survivors, buT THESE TWO CHARACTERS. This theme is so relatable for readers today and I think it's an incredibly good way to tell your story. Acceptance among diverse races! We already saw some of that, but clearly not everyone is being fair toward every race, so there's still room to grow accepting of your foreign neighbors. It's just a beautiful message, and I'm so happy you found that opportunity in your story to share it!

I think the one-sentence paragraph style hurt the pacing in this chapter. It felt more broken as I was reading it, the sentences never tied in very well with each other, and the thoughts were all over the place. That said, there were a couple spots where it did pull through, bringing emphasis to moments like Teergan and human teaming up and things. It was useful in some dramatic parts relevant to the novel's plot, but I don't think it helped with the quick-action parts. It just seemed to drag it further for me, but that could just be me.

I'm really just excited about your theme. <3

But I will be REALLY UPSET if Codfold dies 'cause I really like Codfold.

Keep writing!!

Jabber, the One and Only!

User avatar
JesseWrites
Review

Hello!

Okay, a paragraph is:

A distinct section of a piece of writing, usually dealing with a single theme and indicated by a new line, indentation, or numbering.


Many students define paragraphs in terms of length: a paragraph is a group of at least five sentences, a paragraph is half a page long, etc. In reality, though, the unity and coherence of ideas among sentences is what constitutes a paragraph.


These are not paragraphs, which they should be.

Also, the 'chapters' should be alone. Pressing them together is confusing, annoying, and a little strange.

The wind brushing past his face his eyes were barely open, he wasn’t as used to harsh winds as I was.


Another one that is quite confusing.

Try to clump some sentences together instead of skipping every time a period is put down. I hope you didn't turn an essay in like this 'cause schools teach use of paragraphs.

Write on,
Haley



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