the day passes slowly, the sun already on it's track down to blanket the land in darkness, with only the moon to illuminate it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay....so this is not something that you run into too often here on YWS. I know that you have called this a prologue but then this also seems to be a bit of a one sentence story going on here, and I'm going to try and review it somewhat like I'd review one of those.
OKay, so on the surface, this appears to be just the sun setting on this land, which seems like a fairly generic and normal thing to be happening, so that's doesn't appear to be the most exciting cause it really doesn't tell you anything all that unique. But well, as it is with one word situations, one must dive a bit deeper. Soo, I think perhaps this is referring less to just the end of a day and perhaps something like the end of an era or something along those lines here, it could even mean the sun setting on some kind of hope or dream here, it seems to have a general sense of things getting bad here.
Overall, this was an interesting piece to analyze here. It certainly gives you a few things to think about despite how little there is to it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This seems more like a poem and less like a prologue, to be honest. I mean, you might be able to format it like this:
the day passes slowly,
the sun already on its track
down to blanket the land in darkness,
with only the moon to illuminate it.
I corrected the word "its" by the way. The way I wrote actually correct. >.>
Anyway, as a poem, that would make more sense to me. As a prologue? Well. I would say that it was a pretty awful prologue. Prologues are supposed to give a hint as to the conflict which will be going on. This is more like an image.
If you continued this more to talk about the actual conflict in the story, then this would be different. But, I think it would be better off as a poem.
This is a really short prologue but let's see if we can make anything of it!
" the day passes slowly, the sun already on it's track down to blanket the land in darkness, with only the moon to illuminate it."
Even though it is only a sentence, its deep for sure. It could mean a lot of things. The dying of a person. Or just simply dusk.
Now, let me correct it i.e put in some capital letters etc.
" The day passes slowly, the sun already on it's track down to blanket the land in darkness, with only the moon to illuminate it."
Well, that was basically it...
Can we do something a bit extra to it? Let's see...
"The day passes slowly, hesitating to give into the night. But the sun is already on it's track down to blanket the land in darkness. Only the moon braves the night, and perches up in a blanket of clouds,to illuminate the night."
Is that good?
And try to give the paragraph a little bit more substance...No,...a LOT more substance. Readers are seldom interested in short things and attention is taken off it very quickly too.
But, hopefully, you'll follow my advice and edit!
This is a rather short story. Even for a prologue? Why not continue?