NOTE: I forgot to mention I wrote this in class when I was mad at that kid. If I sound insensitive please know that it's just an irritated teenage girl being an irritated teenage girl. Please don't take it too seriously, it's mostly for humor's sake. Thank you!
Being "That Kid": A Guide on How NOT to be a Massive Douchebag
I present to you, sir, a guide I ask, no, beg you to study. Please. Do it for all that is good in this world. With close examination and following, these words should serve as a preventative measure, or in your case, a cure, for those few that everyone else in society knows as "those annoying douchebag kids." I thank you for your consideration, and I hope for your sake that your present case of Chronic Douchebaggery clears up soon. I do pray for your family. They must struggle.
1. Take your sunglasses off.
Seriously. You are indoors. It isn't that bright, I promise you. Your eyes will be fine, and if you really do have a medical condition by which your eyeballs will burst to flame if exposed to any light, please wear a sign declaring it, because if you don't everyone will refer to the neon one above your head reading "I am a douche; roll your eyes and carry on."
2. Nobody cares that you can play guitar.
It's the easiest instrument seconded only by the kazoo. Put it away. Nobody else brings their instrument to school and certainly nobody takes it out and plays it during class. It isn't as impressive as you think, most of the people in this class play it, too. And if you don't believe me I shall urge all of the band kids to bring their instruments to class and we'll see how well you put up with it. Last time I checked, nobody asked to hear the chords of "Hey, Soul Sister" for 54 minutes. Nobody else shoves their talent in YOUR face, do they? As if you can call playing a repeated G chord a talent...
3. As much as we want to hear about how great you are...
You can stop. Conversations usually have multiple sides, and not all of those sides have a stamp with your name on it. Please, for the sake of my bleeding ears, shut up. I think we all get the concept of how fantastic you are.
4. Don't do that and then get mad when I laugh.
You're wearing your hat backwards and shielding your eyes from the sun and complaining about how bright it is. I'm going to start video taping this.
7. It IS socially acceptable to NOT swear.
Profanity isn't a requirement. Not even in a high school. I sincerely doubt you even know what half those words mean, as you aren't technically using them correctly. And having a grandpa in the navy doesn't actually give you the right to swear in front of the entire period; I actually can't believe you said that out loud. That was so stupid that everyone who heard it is now stupider for having heard it.
8. Don't diss the smart kids.
Dude, she's doing eight college classes this summer. You have never gotten an A in your life. Do you know how to apply logic to this situation? Or you could stop being a bully in general. I'm beginning to give up.
By following these simple steps, you will find yourself on the path to being a socially acceptable human. I'm sure there are plenty of other steps you could take, but I find myself getting depressed with the state of humanity by listing them off. There are cases that are hopeless, and if you suspect you are one of them, become a monk. Society won't miss you.
Thank you and best of luck!
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