Published May 24, 2010
and just when you thought it was okay, the light strikes and then goes out. Once again you're plunged into darkness;
-Dalliance
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141,422 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Bonjour Dalliance, d'une part, les capitales utiliser pour vos commandes. Cela peut sembler assez d'avoir tout en minuscules, mais il ya des tas de ballots de ponctuation ici et ils pourraient obtenir aggro à vous d'être nouvelle et naïf. Blagues. Bienvenue à YWS par la voie!
Hey Dalliance! Welcome to YWS!
The main thing is that the "light strikes" doesn't really have too much of an image... what kind of a light? I'm assuming it's a match, but it could be lightning. So I would definitely say what kind of light this is so that it has more power in the description!
A very quick work that you've done, so this is going to be a very quick critique.
Still, neat idea! You should probably look into writing poetry.