z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Don't text in my class!

by Daisy


"I'll give you 20 minutes to finish." Lee announced to the class.

"Will it contribute to our grade?" a somewhat scared student asked.

"Well, that'll depend on my mood" the teacher replied. Not really. He had already decided it would.

Lee sat down. Maybe he could get some work done while the students were working. Maybe correct a few tests from one of the other classes he taught.

It wasn't until he put the stack of papers on top of the desk that his phone started to vibrate.

He unlocked it and looked at the notification that said he had a new message.

It was Mark. The message read:

"can you call me? i lost my phone in my bed"

It took Lee a moment to try and not laugh at the message the other teacher had sent.

He looked around at the students focusing on their work, then proceeded to lower his gaze to the phone and type:

"Am I the only friend you have?"

"Wait how are you messaging me?"

"iMessage. laptop."

Lee hid the hand holding the phone further below the desk.

"I'm not calling you. I'm in class."

"Oh come on babe dont be like that."

"Wait. Youre in class lol way to be a rebel."

"I'm a bad influence"

"Don't flatter yourself" Lee might have been smiling at that point but he would deny it if someone pointed it out.

"Or you might just be tired of that so called subject you teach" He wasn't in the mood to fight about that.

"Don't go there, you want me to help you find your phone or nah"

"Pls do." Text message grammar at its finest.

Lee looked around again. Everyone's working. He looked over to the hand under the table, he went over his contacts and taped Mark's. It rang once, twice, thrice, and the person on the other side hung up.

There's a new message.

"Thanks dude"

"What are you doing in bed anyway"

"Morning off" He did have Wednesday mornings off.

"But Im so used to waking up at dawn that I cant sleep in. what has this job done to me, lee?"

"Don't worry. Soon enough you'll go back to your lazy cat self."

"U allergic to cats tho"

"Then get away from me."

"Youre cruel, you know that?"

Lee actually laughed at that. He stopped himself and scanned the room again. None of the students seemed to mind him, one of them though was looking at his own crotch and smiling.

"Hey" Lee rose his voice "Don't text in my class!"

Oh, the sweet hypocrisy of being a teacher.

There was a new notification on his phone.

"Lee"

"That thing you call a goddaughter changed 'how are you' to 'nice ass' on my auto correct"

"Tell that little piglet to stay away from my phone pls thnks"


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48 Reviews


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Tue Feb 28, 2017 10:33 pm
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CocoaCat wrote a review...



Sup, Daisy! I'm here to review your story.
Great job, I'm sure that if I had a class, I would be doing the same thing.
Your grammar and sentence structure are perfect, though their were some punctuation mistakes, such as misuse of semicolons and quotation marks.
There were some confused and misspelled words, and some of your sentences were pretty lengthy.
I really liked your story, but it was hard to understand what was happening, in my opinion.
Also, like marmalade said, there was a lack of scene setting.
Hoped this review helped, keep writing!




Daisy says...


Thank you for the review!
Like I said before, and this is something that I realized recently when I started to read books in english, there are certain rules that are diferent in my language such as the use of commas (you don't use them as much or in the same places as us), or the way dialogues are written (that used to confuse me a lot).
The lack of scene setting is something that I have felt and will try harder to change, so thank you for pointing it out.
Could you maybe be more specific on the punctuation mistakes I made? Just so I can correct them.



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Tue Feb 28, 2017 8:48 pm
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Charm wrote a review...



Hey Daisy! I'm here to review your short.

I felt your short lacked scene setting in the beginning. I think it's important to give your readers something for them to imagine.

"I'll give you 20 minutes to finish." Lee announced to the class.

The period here should be a comma. I saw this grammatical error multiple times in your manuscript. Also I noticed you have many short paragraphs here that I wouldn't even call paragraphs since most of them are a single sentence long.

I'm not really one for humor but I did think this was funny compared to other shorts I've read on YWS that put themselves in the Humor category. I think if you fix the grammar a bit and add some more description it'll improve the piece. I didn't really imagine much of the setting or of what was happening and I prefer to be able to visualize the story.

marmalade




Daisy says...


Thank you so much!
The grammar is a problem for me since english is not my first language and there are certain rules that exist in this language that don't exist in mine and vice versa, so I really appreciate it!
I'll work harder on the description too.
Thank you again!



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Tue Feb 28, 2017 1:52 am
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skylnn00writes wrote a review...



"Lee announced the class" make sure to add a to in there between announced and the.

"It took Lee a moment to try and not laugh at the message the other teacher has sent." I think you meant had, not has.

I like your idea of holding some of the dialogue to show who is texting. It made it easy to follow.

"Youre cruel, did you know that?" Maybe to make it more like an actual textin conversation you can shorten it to "Youre cruel, you know that?" The did makes it sound kind of like a formal conversation.

Ok this was a very funny froth. Especially when he first texted because he lost his phone... priceless. I laughed maybe a little harder than I should have at this. The few errors that I tried to correct above or my suggestions are common mistakes and just things I would do. A smal revision will make it all go away.

I really like your style of writing. I wish to read some more of your work :smt001 don't stop writing.

Hope this review was helpful.




Daisy says...


Thank you so much! I'll try to correct it.
I'm glad you liked it, it made me want to continue writing!




The adjective should reinvent the noun.
— Leslie Norris