God was testing him. This was a test.
Loud conversations could be heard from the classroom adjacent to his. Children yelling from the top of their lungs and Lee had no idea how he was supposed to teach his class about the French Revolution when the actual uprisings were happening on the other side of that wall.
A little more and he was going to lose it.
A loud bang like that of a head hitting a wall was heard.
He lost it.
Now, Lee liked to think of himself as a man of intelligence and patience. But on that moment he didn't care that the rooms were right next to one another, that he could just walk over and politely ask them to keep it down. No. Instead he banged his hand on the desk and, with all his might he yelled the sentence worthy of a Humanities graduate:
"WILL YOU JUST SHUT YOUR CLASS UP, JESUS FREAKING CHRIST!"
There was a long, awkward silence. The most surprised ones were the students, whose looks of pure shock and confusion could amuse anyone.
Another male voice echoed:
"I'LL SHUT MINE UP ONCE YOU SHUT YOUR OWN!"
Of course it had to be Mark. Damn him.
"HOW DARE YOU COMPARE MY CLASS TO THE CHILDREN KILLING FLIES WITH THEIR HEADS?!"
Students traded looks, just to be sure that, yes, the teachers were indeed having an argument through closed doors. What a time to be alive.
"OH PLEASE, AT LEAST WE PROVIDED THEM WITH SOME ENTERTAINMENT. CHILDREN WERE PROBABLY SLEEPING ANYWAY."
He went there.
Honestly, it was a common practice between them. Comparing subjects. And by comparing one would mean yelling in each other's face about how they were completely mad if they thought that History was in any type of equal ground as Physics, or vice versa.
"SAY THAT TO MY FACE!"
"YOU BET I WILL!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU TWO!" This came from another student. The tiny girl was standing by the door with both eyes filled with pure wrath. The funny thing being that she wasn't in either of their classes, in fact, she wasn't even a middle schooler , which meant she came all the way from the second floor.
Lee kept quiet. He knew the girl, and he knew better than to mess with his goddaughter.
She closed the door with a bang and proceeded to walk up the stairs back to the high school floor. The classes went on with no further yelling.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...this is off to a heated start. Its definitely the sort of thing that instantly gets your attention because seeing someone that just clearly happens to be very mad at this situation is the sort of thing that makes you wonder and take a second look...the light sense of a build up there is also pretty neatly done I think.
Okay I have no idea if in a real school this sort of thing would be allowed to build like this before someone somewhere interrupted but, this is a hilarious idea at least from the point of view of the students. It seems we've got two teachers that have a bit of a dislike for each other and are now roasting each other through the walls of the class. From the teacher's point of view, this seems a bit immature and worrying, but otherwise, it is a fun idea.
Well that was quite something there...I don't believe I've seen something quite like this in a story ever before...and while the sheer unrealistic nature of what just happened there makes the scene a bit questionable, I just love the idea of something like this actually happening so I'm gonna let that slide for a bit. Overall, not something that could happen realistically, but a really fun scene nonetheless.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Sup, Daisy! I'm here to review your story!
I loved how the two teachers had a bit of a rivalry, which made the story fun.
However, there were some unclear references, and wordy sentences.
Also, the first sentence was very misleading. I thought this story was humorous, but it made everything seem more intense. Now, while we're talking about the first sentence, it also was repetitive. You just repeated the same opinion.
But hey, the beginning of stories are always the hardest, so don't feel bad! We all make mistakes (me especially).
The teacher's goddaughter was very intimidating, a great addition to the already great story.
Keep writing!
Peace out, fellow writer!
Thank you so much!
I'm struggling with the unclear references cuz these chapters don't really have an order, they're just random situations I put these characters through. So it's not like I can write an introduction like you would in a book.
Can you be more specific on "wordy senteces"? I want to see what I can do about it.
Thank you again!
*Drops from ceiling* Good day! 'Lias here, just Roman' around to deliver an interview!
Haven't seen you around much, good to know that you're publishing stuff!
I loved the opening. Just that one sentence, and I felt like I was well acquainted with this guy. Because it was like glancing inside his head to see that he may have been the sort of man with a dry personality. I also like his name! Quite unique.
You carry on how he feels through the next paragraph, and I read some of your responses about adding more stuff onto your characters later, but- and this is just my personal opinion, so feel totally free to disregard it- perhaps it would be a bit better if you were to just describe your characters in the first chapter, so we have a bit of a mental picture to associate with the characters.
I'm excited to learn more about this Mark guy. I can already see a bit of tension between the two. A rivalry perhaps?
I also liked their exchange. It was very fun to read, and I connected even further with Lee.
Your writing skills seem quite strong! Your characters are quite lifelike and three-dimensional, and that's where a lot of writers struggle. So you can consider yourself over that barrier. Excellent job!
-'Lias
Thank you so much for the review!
The thing is that I don't really consider this chapter (or any chapter for that matter) to be the first. They are just random ideas that come up, random situations I write the characters in. So it's kind of hard to write an introduction.
I hope to write more on Lee's goddaughter for she is a very important person in his life. I also want to write more on the relatioship between Lee and Mark, for there's more to it than just rivalry.
Also, if you want you can check out another drabble I wrote on these characters (this is some shameless self promo shhh)
Thank you again! Have a nice day!
Oh, I get it! That's a bit of a shame, because I really like your style of writing and your characters. Nonetheless, I plan to continue reading whatever you put out in this... universe? *shrugs*
I'll make sure to check out your other piece of work (it's cool, I'm all for shameless self-promotion). I'll review when I can!
And I hope you also have a nice day!
That’s an interesting story you’ve got here!
I like the way you begin it, letting us know what lead to the fight and how the character felt. I also like that it’s not a typical story ( in other words, it’s not a cliche ). I would've loved a longer version of this, but since it is placed in the „short story” category, I can understand its length.
Also, you could’ve given us more details on who is the little girl and why is she so important here or the way one teacher gets to the other, their gestures and so on.
Overall, it’s a great story, something new and refreshing and I hope to read from you soon. Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much!
I was hoping to post a few more chapters with the characters in which you get to know more about them. But because they won't be in any particular chronological order I decided to put them in the short story category.
Again, Thank you for the comment!!
Ok, I really like this. I like how you have made the teachers fight instead of the students fight. This sort of flips stuff around. One thing I would say is, more detail! I would love to know more about the characters and more about why they were rivals. The wee girl who tells them to 'Shut up' is cute but why won't he mess with his goddaughter? Why is she so scary? These are just a few minor details that you missed out that I would have liked to know. Having said that I love the story line. I love this story and the way you wrote it. I was interested from the very start. Well done this was a great piece of writing.
I can't thank you enough for this comment! It made want to write more.
I actually plan on writing more on these characters so that you can learn more about them. However it won't follow any particular order so I decided to make them separate chapters on the short story category.
Thank you again!