z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Since Infinity Chapter 8

by Daenyss


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

“John, I know what I’m doing,” I assured my manager. “Ana’s clothes are top-notch. No designer in the world can do what she does.”

“She’s amateur and unknown, and you’re one of the biggest stars in the world. You should be dressed by one of the biggest names in fashion, and we have multiple offers to dress you for free from some very big fashion houses,” he pressed.

“I’ve already told you no. The Grammys are in a week and my dress is already done, the hair and makeup artists are already booked, everything is taken care of,” I stood my ground. “You’re not changing my mind on this.”

“If this is a mistake, it’s coming out of your paycheck,” he warned.

“I’m aware. Now, I’m kind of trying to do something, so I’m hanging up. Goodbye.” With that, I ended the call and turned my workout music back on, the drums and upbeat melodies making my heart pound as I ran.

I looked down at the treadmill’s display, and it showed five miles covered. That meant five more to go. Shouldn’t take more than half an hour.

Sweat ran down my body as I pumped my arms back and forth. Muscles across my body ached with use, not yet pushing overuse, but soon they would be. My breath was slightly heavy as I pushed my body harder and worked it more and more.

Ana: lunch is ready 

Lauren: i’m not 

Ana: i know, you’re awol 

Lauren: i’m in the gym running 

Ana: oh. come down when you’re done. 

Lauren: can do

I looked over at the treadmill next to me, where Asher was also running. He saw me looking and smiled, causing me to look down at my feet and blush.

“You good?” he asked, slightly breathless from the running.

“Better than ever.”

“You do this every day?”

“Every other.”

“Damn.”

I laughed shortly, taking our short conversation to mean that he didn’t work out like he had used to. He probably ran a few miles here and there, but he had obviously pushed himself to run with me.

Our banter continued back and forth as we ran, with much the same dialogue each time. As soon as we were done, he stepped off the treadmill and laid down on the floor, exhausted.

“I never want to do something that hellish again,” he panted, soaked in sweat.

“Hey, I enjoy that “hellish” something,” I laughed, throwing a towel at him before wrapping one around my neck. “Now I’m gonna go shower and get some lunch. Join me when you feel like it.”

“Have some mercy! I just ran ten miles!” he whined, covering his face with the towel.

“I also just ran ten miles, and you don’t see me making a scene!” I joked, walking to the door. “But seriously, I’m gonna go shower and then go eat. Ana said lunch was ready like half an hour ago.”

“What’d she make?”

“You’ll have to move to find out.” With that, I left, going to my room and stripping quickly before showering and dressing again.

I headed down to the kitchen, where Ana was cleaning up from her meal. “Smells good in here,” I commented, making myself a plate.

“Thanks,” she replied.

I was shocked - she hadn’t spoken to me in a week. Not wanting to push her any, I sat quietly at the stone island and ate my lunch, and didn’t really react when she came and sat by me.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was a lilted whisper, beautiful in sorrow. “I shouldn’t have blown up like that, and I shouldn’t have iced you out.”

“It’s okay. There’s a lot nobody told you,” I assured her, reaching over and taking her hand.

“I just hate feeling like I’m missing something huge.” Her chocolate brown eyes were glistening, and I sighed.

“Everything’ll explain itself eventually, I promise. I just...it’s hard for all of us to talk about. It was really hard for all of us to go through, and so we like to think it didn’t happen.”

“Well I won’t press,” she promised. “But are you and Asher good?”

I blushed, ducking my head in a bashful way. “We’re better than ever, I hope.”

She smiled and gave me a knowing look. “Gotcha. Now, you need to try on your dress, missy!”

Laughter echoed around the room as she attempted to drag me upstairs to her workroom. “Look, I love you, but you have no muscle, babe,” I managed to stammer out.

She shot me a glare, and through more laughter we made our ways to the practically glass room that housed her work. I slipped into the makeshift dressing room that she had made with fabric samples and mannequins, being careful not to knock any of the precariously perched odds and ends. Stripping quickly, I slid into the sheer dress as easily as I could, which was, in reality, not very.

“Are you in it yet?” she asked, poking her head in with her fingers over her eyes.

“Uhh…”I looked down at the dress, which was halfway on and halfway off. “I’m as in it as I’m going to be by myself?”

She sighed and moved her hands and helped me into the dress. “So for the Grammys, you’ll be sewn in, but for right now, I’m just going to pin it in the back.”

“Whatever works best for you,” I shrugged. “I’ve just gotta be able to move.”

“Good luck with that. You move and one of the pieces of lace is likely to slip.” She was sliding pins into the sides of the dress, making it even tighter to my body than it already was.

“And you’re sure you can’t line this thing?”

“Very,” she replied. “What’s the American saying? Suck it up, buttercup?”

I groaned, and her laugh echoed off the glass walls, the happy sound a stark contrast to the barren, snow-covered mountain that was our view.

She finished pinning the lace, then helped me out of the dress carefully so that I wouldn’t tear something. “Thanks for being my mannequin,” she said, taking the dress back to her table as I pulled my regular clothes back on.

“No problem, thanks for letting me,” I returned.

She smiled, flipping on another space heater and pulling on a fleece. “Shoo. I have work to do.”

I slipped out of the workroom with a small wave and smile to my friend before heading to the living room, where Cullen was stretched out talking to Tristan on the phone.

“Dude, I’m just saying. She’s happy how she is, I don’t think you have a chance with her,” Cullen pressed, not noticing my presence.

“We’ll see. She’s going to the Grammys, right?” Tristan’s voice came back, and I bit my lip. Were they talking about me, or some other girl?

“Yeah, and she’s excited about it. Don’t ruin that for her by bugging her about them. Bray’ll kill you if you do.”

“She and Bray haven’t talked in forever-”

“-but he’s still protective of her,” Cullen cut him off. “Don’t think he won’t get you off her back in a second if you upset her.”

Tris sighed, not happily or unhappily, but more of a frustrated indifference. “You were helpful. See you soon.”

“Bye Tr- he hung up,” he muttered, looking at his phone screen and rolling his eyes. As they traveled across the room, he noticed me and seemed to jump. “How much of that did you hear?”

I shrugged. “Maybe five seconds or so?”

He sighed, relieved. “Good.”

My brow knitted together in confusion. Just what had I missed?


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
62 Reviews


Points: 2872
Reviews: 62

Donate
Wed Mar 28, 2018 9:35 pm
AliceinBluue wrote a review...



Hey hey hey! Chapter 8 is up and at 'em! Sorry I didn't catch this while it was in the green room, but I'm here now and ready to give you another review!!!

Okay, so first up, what I liked about this chapter!

I do actually like the relationship you're setting up with Lauren and Ana. To me, it's my favorite, mostly because it is the one that we have seen the most of. They have had the most interactions, the most real feeling moments between each other. They both support each other, Lauren sticks up for Ana's designs, Ana cares more about Lauren's feelings than her own at some points(saying she wont pry when Lauren wont tell Ana her secrets even though it's clearly hurting Ana to not know), the fact that they are going to the Grammy's together and that Ana was so excited to go. I just, I really REALLY like their relationship.

Next up, the critiques for this chapter!

So I'm going to assume that because Ana and Lauren haven't been talking for a while, but because Lauren didn't seem surprised that Ana was texting her, that they have been using texting as their main way of communication since dinner and that Ana is mad at Lauren for keeping her in the dark. However, if that's what you were trying to go for, maybe skip the middle lines of their conversation, keep it tense. If they're mad at each other, talking should be awkward and uncomfortable, especially if they live together. Also, how does Ana know now that Lauren heard her blow up? Did they talk about it? Who's feelings were hurt? Did they yell at each other? I feel like you kinda skipped out on some scenes that really would have given Ana and Lauren depth in favor of having their relationship jump right back to kinda normal and mostly okay. And I get that, I really do, no one wants to fight with their best friend and people can shove their own feelings aside in order to make sure that doesn't happen, but I think that there has got to be some residual tension. Ana might still be mad at being kept out of the loop, everyone else living in the house knows some secret and they're not sharing it with her, or Lauren is mad at Ana for making Lauren's relationship Lauren's her secrets all about Ana and then ignoring her when Ana didn't get what she wanted. I think it would be worth exploring this side of their friendship, the side that they try to hide but is still there, the side that makes them human.

And I went on another mini rant again, I'm sorry. I really do hope that I'm not being too mean in my mini rants, please tell me if I am and I'll find another way of wording things. Anyways! I can't wait to read the next chapter(which is already up!!!! I am jealous at how fast you are at getting these chapters out!!!)! I am Invested now in this story and can't wait to see where you take it next!!!!
-Alice




User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Wed Mar 28, 2018 1:43 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Me again!

So, much like how I felt about Lauren's (I know her name now!) allusions to "cracks in our relationship" in the last chapter, I found it a little strange here when she says Ana hasn't spoken to her in over a week.

“Thanks,” she replied.

I was shocked - she hadn’t spoken to me in a week.


Like, the whole chapter starts out with her defending Ana and her designs - and her own choice to use Ana as a designer - to her manager. Then Ana texts her about lunch. No tension, no hint that they haven't been speaking. Why is Ana texting her out of lunch if they haven't been speaking? Why is Lauren not more surprised that Ana would reach out to her this way?

And then she says she thinks she and Asher are "stronger than ever," which again goes against those thoughts I mentioned in the last chapter.

I'm also confused as to how Lauren could overhear Tristan's part of the conversation at the end of this chapter. Did Cullen have him on speakerphone? In which case, why, if they're having what's obviously supposed to be a private conversation? If they weren't on speakerphone, I question the fact that Lauren heard both sides of the conversation, unless she has a superpower I don't know about.

Finally, I wanted to bring up the fact that I actually ship Lauren and Ana right now more than Lauren and Asher. I think it's partly because Lauren's banter with Ana comes across more organically, and also because most of her interaction with Asher seems to be *compliment**blush**our relationship is so great.* Which, like, okay, but that sort of thing is more of a fresh-new-relationship thing, the honeymoon phase, whereas a relationship that's been going for a while isn't going to have quite so much blushing because now you're more comfortable with each other. Not that it's never going to happen, but in the two chapters I've read it's pretty much constant.




User avatar
383 Reviews


Points: 19607
Reviews: 383

Donate
Wed Mar 28, 2018 1:25 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



“I’ve already told you no. The Grammys are in a week and my dress is already done, the hair and makeup artists are already booked, everything is taken care of,” I stood my ground. “You’re not changing my mind on this.”


Okay, now I'm really curious how quickly Ana made the dress. Seems like the gang are having a busy month.

Ana: lunch is ready

Lauren: i’m not


Okay, so this phone texting section I feel came out of nowhere. You could've explained it a bit better by saying "I felt a familiar ping on my phone, and looked down to see who was texting me" or something. And you could also italicize the texts because the reader is supposed to come out of conventional reading when looking at phone texts.

Our banter continued back and forth as we ran, with much the same dialogue each time. As soon as we were done, he stepped off the treadmill and laid down on the floor, exhausted.


You can probably guess what I'm going to say here. Regardless: Where is the banter? I would've liked to listen to that banter. Then again, I'm not sure if the banter is entirely important, but I went through Chapter Five and a lot of those dialogue points didn't feel particularly important either. Banter makes good character development in good hands (and annoying distractions in the wrong ones), especially between two characters with a lot of personality. I felt these two could use that sort of treatment, because I still feel like I don't know much about Ash besides that he loves music and Lauren, and Lauren is honestly losing the glimmer of complexity I saw in the first chapters. I don't know, now I just look at their relationship as a source of empty 'I love yous' without any real disagreements. And again, it would be a little more fulfilling if we actually saw the buildup to this relationship years ago, but we didn't, so now we're just left with seeing that couple in Starbucks who's always holding hands and touching and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, spoiling the taste of our frappucino.

In other words, I'm still waiting for the drama to commence, I guess.

“I just hate feeling like I’m missing something huge.” Her chocolate brown eyes were glistening, and I sighed.

“Everything’ll explain itself eventually, I promise. I just...it’s hard for all of us to talk about. It was really hard for all of us to go through, and so we like to think it didn’t happen.”


I relate to Ana on a spiritual level here. I want to know what's going on and yet nobody lets me in on anything, and there isn't even an air of mystery as to what's happening, it's just they don't want to address the twenty-ton elephant in the room and the twenty-ton elephant doesn't even make a sound about it. Makes it very hard to be invested in whatever trainwreck is about to crash on the railroad.

My brow knitted together in confusion. Just what had I missed?


Okay, yeah. Where is this new drama coming from again?

Well, I guess we'll have to address it in the next chapter. Good night, those are my thoughts, and hopefully they were at least a little useful.

--Elliot.




Daenyss says...


Aghhhh! Drama starts next chapter!!!!! I'm so excited. It'll all come out, and I'll do the best I can. Look for long chapters ahead.

I see where you're coming from - most of this does feel rushed. When I go back and edit, I'll be sure to work on that.

Thanks again for reviewing!



Sujana says...


I forgot to address the 'Best Friend' bit on the other chapter, but basically yeah, it's okay if you want to say "BEST FWIENDS" because it's really minor in the scale of things. You do you, I'm just saying my piece tbh, I'm only glad you're taking it well enough to not get angry when I get a little sharp-tongued.



Daenyss says...


it's fine! Also, I'm working on trying to find an editor for this piece. If you wouldn't mind helping out, pm me and we can see if we can work something out.




the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren